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58: Sisterhood Meets Motherhood- Sophie S.

Updated: Jan 26



In this episode, Jay interviews Sophie Schauermann, a holistic parenting coach and therapist. They discuss Sophie's journey to becoming a parent coach and her work with highly sensitive children. They also explore the concept of conscious parenting and the importance of play therapy in supporting children's emotional well-being. Sophie shares her personal experience with miscarriage and the power of experiential healing. The conversation highlights the significance of tapping into the unconscious mind and the role it plays in parenting and personal growth. In this conversation, Sophie Schauermann and Jey discuss various aspects of conscious parenting and the challenges faced by parents. They emphasize the importance of forgiveness and self-love as parents, acknowledging that parenting is a tough job and it's essential to be kind to oneself. They also discuss the concept of giving your best as a parent, recognizing that it's not always about giving 100% but rather giving as much as you can on any given day. The conversation touches on the importance of being rooted and grounded, as well as shifting expectations of parenthood. Finally, they express appreciation for emotionally aware dads and the work they do.

Takeaways

Holistic parenting coaching focuses on supporting highly sensitive children and their parents.

Play therapy is a powerful tool for helping children process emotions and experiences.

Conscious parenting involves parenting with awareness and personal growth.

Experiential healing and releasing emotions can be more effective than traditional talk therapy.

Tapping into the unconscious mind is essential for understanding and healing past traumas. Forgiveness and self-love are crucial for parents to navigate the challenges of parenting.

Giving your best as a parent means giving as much as you can on any given day.

Being rooted and grounded in your home and connecting with your soul can provide a sense of grounding.

Shifting expectations of parenthood and embracing the growth and stretching it brings can be powerful and protective for both parents and children.

Emotionally aware dads who do their own work and serve their community are commendable.

Chapters

00:00 Introduction and Gratitude

02:31 Sophie's Journey to Holistic Parent Coaching

05:44 The Importance of Play Therapy

09:30 The Creation of Sisterhood Meets Motherhood Podcast

19:53 Conscious Parenting and Highly Sensitive Children

26:22 The Power of Experiential Healing

34:16 Navigating Miscarriage and Emotional Healing

37:20 Tapping into the Unconscious Mind

39:10 The Importance of Forgiveness and Self-Love as Parents

41:15 Giving Your Best as a Parent

42:18 Where Are You Rooted? What Grounds You?

43:09 Shifting Expectations of Parenthood

44:21 Appreciation for Emotionally Aware Dads


Transcript: Jey (00:05.326)

Right, all right, all right, audience, settle down, settle down. Welcome into another episode of the Young Dad podcast. I'm Jay and joining me today is Sophie Schauerman. Sophie, how are you today?

Sophie Schauermann (00:17.112)

I'm good. It's early here in Colorado, but it's been awesome to connect with you even for a few moments and talk about both being in the behavioral mental health field and parents and I'm just really grateful that you are having me here today.

Jey (00:33.218)

I'm super grateful that you're here. It's early over here in Washington state too. So, but early bird gets the worm, right? Early bird gets a good recording. This is where I feel my ideas are best. They come a little slower, but they're a little bit more filtered and a little bit more thought out at this time in the morning. So.

Sophie Schauermann (00:49.616)

Yeah, and it's in my mom body. It's more like midday because I had a 5am wake up for my stepson and a lot has already and another meeting like a lot has already happened today. I feel like there's like multiple days in one day.

Jey (00:59.662)

Yeah, you're already... Yeah, that's so relatable. Especially when you have a three-year-old that wakes up at, I don't even know what hour of the night sometimes. She's almost done potty training, she's almost gotten it down to where she needs to get up and go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. So she's on like five out of seven nights a week where she either gets up or she wakes up dry. Then there's a couple nights where she just wakes up, comes in my room holding her underwear and her pajama pants.

Sophie Schauermann (01:28.864)

I don't know.

Jey (01:29.742)

just up, she's not crying, she's just coming to let me know that she peed herself. And yeah, she just wanted to let me know. And so it's like, okay, just go, go to the bathroom and go lay back down in bed. So, but eventually after that.

Sophie Schauermann (01:35.124)

Oh, she just wants to let you know. Yep.

Sophie Schauermann (01:45.116)

There's barely a yeah, there's really important information that needs to be shared in the middle of the night. I think my stepson this morning just needed to let us know that his stuffies had fallen off his bed. And it was important that we knew that the tragedy.

Jey (01:56.568)

Oh no!

Jey (02:00.706)

Yeah, you gotta know, you gotta know, but Sophie, it's tragic, it's rough for people like kids. But Sophie, a little about you for the listeners if they skipped over the intro, I'm guilty of skipping over intros on podcasts. Never yours though, never yours. You believe pineapple goes on pizza, you're a wife, a stepmom, mom, a sister, a therapist, and you're also a holistic parenting coach.

Sophie Schauermann (02:08.128)

I know.

Sophie Schauermann (02:18.504)

Thank you.

Jey (02:31.014)

So please tell me, tell myself, the people, how you got started on your journey of holistic parent coaching, your motherhood journey, and just how, also you're the cohost of Sisterhood Meets Motherhood. If you couldn't tell by the intro, that's kind of where she's coming from, but tell us about how you got started on this journey, your motherhood journey got started, and a little bit about rooted rhythm therapy as well.

Sophie Schauermann (02:58.6)

Absolutely. A lot of things are happening. I think my journey as a therapist and a parent coach came from my own journey as a sensitive person. I was a super sensitive, intuitive, anxious little girl and for a long time felt sort of confused about who I was because I did feel so deeply. And that led to my own struggles with mental health, which I share in different ways on

our podcast, Sisterhood Meets Motherhood, the podcast I have with my sister-in-law, which we can talk a little bit more about later. But I'm so grateful for the journey into the depths that I went through because as I healed and grew and became the most authentic version of myself, I knew from when I was 17 or 18 that I wanted to be a therapist. And I went to undergrad at Tufts in Boston and pretty much got like a graduate degree as an undergraduate studying child development.

in a lab school where I would literally get to like from day one observe kids on the playground and write papers about how they're interacting. And there was also a clinical psych program there which had me in a practicum placement in undergrad working at a pretty severely like with like a population that was pretty severely suffering in East Boston in a day program. I got to work with the Harvard.

mental health lab for children, studying cognitive behavioral techniques for different emotional things, and then eventually landed in grad school to become a master's social worker. And just a journey of figuring out knowing that I've been a therapist since day one, but figuring out who I am and how I work with clients. I did a little bit of work in the agency world and in schools as a school-based and home-based and outpatient therapist.

And then as I became fully licensed, I realized that in order to do the work to the depths that I believe children can really grow, not just survive, like not just cope and have their parents feel okay, but to like really be understood and seen and go through deep healing to feel more understood and whole. I needed to support kids in a private practice setting. So.

Sophie Schauermann (05:20.168)

as I stepped into private practice. And along that time, I became a certified play therapist. So I really had a modality of child-centered play therapy, which could be a whole podcast in itself of discussing what that is. Yeah, yeah.

Jey (05:34.482)

100% I love I love play therapy. I'm a big believer in play therapy art therapy and just sensory based therapy approaches. I'm a huge fan, huge fan, huge believer in those.

Sophie Schauermann (05:41.268)

Totally.

Totally. The short of it is that kids will communicate to you through play, not words. So if we give them space to play out what's happening inside, they can just process a lot more effectively. But what I developed that I think is different than a lot of my colleagues is that I realized pretty quickly that I need to work really closely with the parents in order for real change to happen. So equally as important to our play therapy process, which happens actually in...

set containers over 12 weeks where we can go really deep, but not necessarily be the child's long-term attachment figure. We want their parents to be that. So me and my team of therapists work really hard to bridge the space between the child's heart and subconscious pains and struggles and triumphs with the parent's heart and consciousness. And so we just work really closely to help parents understand what's happening for their child.

through what they're communicating to us through the play and then do their own inner work in healing to see how they can increase their capacity to hold what the child's going through. And there's so much more I could say, but all of that is to say it's a really depth oriented and holistic approach to supporting parents and their children. And I'm super excited. Just over the last few months, we've actually expanded our practice to...

Atlanta, Georgia, Dallas, Texas, and Greenwich, Connecticut, in addition to Denver. So our team of therapists that are learning how to support kids in a rooted and rhythmic way is growing. And I'm really excited about all of that. And then when it comes to the podcast with my sister-in-law, I married my husband.

Sophie Schauermann (07:33.108)

We've been together three and a half years. We got married last summer. We actually met to run a conscious parenting group. I've been in this space for a while and he was having a career shift from being a bookkeeper at a hospital to a therapist. Like he realized that he really wanted more and we were introduced because he was interested in conscious parenting. I think I tell our story throughout the podcast, but yeah, we.

We, I think, grew together really quickly. He was in the process of getting divorced. I had no interest in being with, I was like, with the work I do, that sounds like a lot to be with someone who's like shifting careers and has children. But turns out I fell in love with him and his kids. And along the way, it was an amazing bonus that his sister became one of my best friends in the world, Kendra. And we just, I mean, our podcast, Sisterhood Meets Motherhood, really.

Jey (08:15.739)

Mm-hmm.

Sophie Schauermann (08:30.588)

shows the connection that we have. And like, the easiest thing that I've created in all of this has been that podcast. It's been like, so effortless. We just were getting our nails done last summer and chatting and we realized that the other women in the salon were listening to our conversation. And it was like, we had like no shame. We were like, I think we were both crying about whatever was happening in our life at the time.

And we realized maybe we should just broadcast these conversations. Maybe it could support people to feel as like as entrepreneurs and moms and. Just in our messiness. What if we just shared? Um, and we just started recording our conversations and we don't have anyone like helping us do it. We just like, I'm sure you too, like it's like a self guided thing. We just figured out how to upload it and push audio together and.

Jey (08:57.273)

Uh huh.

Sophie Schauermann (09:24.936)

Now it's kind of like our therapy when we get to come together and have these conversations.

Jey (09:30.85)

Yes, 100%. So I love that. I love what you do for like work, cause I'm in the same field as I've talked about on the show multiple times. And it's so interesting because when I work a lot closer with the parents and I do the youth for most of my families on my caseload. And so when I actually see a full on conscious change by the parents or by the caregivers and they're actually like doing the work and they're actually like.

participating, they're actually trying to make the changes. Like I have one grandma, she's been, she's an old Scottish lady and she's hilarious. She's the best. But when I first took over that case and whatnot, she was like, oh, I'm like, I told her we're gonna get along great, we're gonna have a good time. She's like, oh, we'll see. And it's very first time it was just so negative. It was so hard to get to her. It was so hard just to talk to her because she was so just like.

It's the kid, it's the kid, it's the kid, it's the kid. When all she really needed was just like some psycho education, she needed to understand these different diagnoses and what they meant for her youth and how to just understand them. And then with that, she was able to realize, oh, I need to pick my battles more. But also, this isn't her talking right now. This is related to her one disorder, or this is related to that.

So I can't, I had to breathe. Can't get mad at her for this because this is just how she is. I just have to accept that and love that. And once she started doing that, it's been nothing but positive. They communicate, they talk, they get along. It's just a beautiful, beautiful thing. So parents, it's so important for you guys, if your kid's having behaviors, or not always, but a lot of the time, there's a correlation there between the parents and the youth that are struggling to...

Sophie Schauermann (11:07.712)

Hmm. Yeah.

Jey (11:26.654)

understand like, hey, it's also it's also me. There's something I need to work on to worth here with my parenting as well, at least my experience personally, but what you said, you know, as well about your podcast, how it kind of just started as conversations like mine and my brothers, how we started this one is we would just we were playing video games. So we've been playing Madden or 2k or Modern Warfare, we'd be playing these games online. And it actually was during my

Sophie Schauermann (11:31.954)

Yeah.

Sophie Schauermann (11:36.052)

Absolutely.

Jey (11:53.866)

Toward the end of my marriage where we really started doing it more often having just hours of conversation talking gaming my kid was already in bed, you know before my second one was born and We would just do it. We talked like dude This would be you know, it's be such a cool podcast be so fun to do something like that And then I got divorced and then my whole world kind of blew up. I didn't do anything creative for I Don't know maybe a year and a half. I did nothing creative And then about a year ago

It's been a little bit more than a year, probably about a year and a half now by the time this episode actually comes out of doing this podcast and where the idea came from. So it kind of just happened. It's a lot of fun, but it's self-guided and you know, it's so important to take the steps and I'm a big fan of play therapy and introducing that because it's so important to, sorry, my dogs are going crazy, but it's so important.

Sophie Schauermann (12:50.185)

Hmm

Jey (12:52.438)

I had to grab this little one because he's the instigator with the big dog. He's the instigator. Um, so with that, you know, you have to play therapy is one of my favorite things because it gives, I think it's really good for adults to engage in as well. Like I've had sessions with parents where we'll, we'll play a game and

Sophie Schauermann (12:55.92)

Mmm, he's like, cutie. Aww, cutie.

Sophie Schauermann (13:13.1)

Okay. See ya.

Jey (13:18.51)

It'll be a game and I'll ask specific questions or I'll do certain things. Like if we're playing Uno, for example, I'll try to do something or like cheat or something just to see their reaction and see how they get upset or whatnot. So you can do a lot of really cool things through play and through play therapy and get a lot out. One of the therapists I worked with, he has his office set up with a shelf. He has

Sophie Schauermann (13:35.561)

Out of it.

Jey (13:43.27)

some really cool like figurines and whatnot on the top. But as soon as kids come in and they reach for them, it's like, oh, you can't touch those. As those are off limits, you can't touch those. He does it on purpose because he wants to see how they're gonna react to being told no. So then that opens up the doorway to the conversation of, so it just flows into the next thing. But for you, in your journey and,

Sophie Schauermann (13:54.208)

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. And some vitamin N.

Sophie Schauermann (14:02.956)

Totally.

Sophie Schauermann (14:07.072)

Yeah.

Jey (14:12.062)

The other thing I wanted to mention here is you sounded just like my now fiancee. Because she had the same thoughts, you know, she's a preschool teacher. And my daughter was actually in, my oldest daughter was in her class a couple years ago. And then after that school year, she left preschool, went to kindergarten. So she was no longer in the class and then slid into her DMs at the end of the school year. But that was kind of where she was too, you know, she was like, I don't...

She's like, I don't have kids. I'm really into my work as a teacher and I don't know about this. Like she was just so against it for a while. And then eventually we just fell for each other. I got her to fall for me. She loves me, she loves the kids.

Sophie Schauermann (14:49.008)

Yep.

Sophie Schauermann (15:00.508)

How does she get along with your girls?

Jey (15:03.978)

Oh, I think it really helped that she knew my older one and had her in her class for a year. So I think that was really beneficial just to the situation. And then she didn't really know the baby because the baby was really little. She was like one when the other one was in preschool. So, but she gets along with the girls great. The girls love her. My older one loves her. Cause I mean, it's just someone she already knew. So it's a really easy transition into

Sophie Schauermann (15:07.935)

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Sophie Schauermann (15:20.116)

Yeah. Mm-hmm.

Sophie Schauermann (15:30.161)

Mm-hmm.

Jey (15:34.182)

kind of like life and with my co-parent, with their mom, because it's like, oh, okay, I know this person already, so no bad flags here, no red flags here. So it's been really good. We got engaged about two months ago at the time of this recording. So maybe we'll be married or something by the time this actually comes out, who knows? But yeah, super fun times. But no, I was like, that sounds familiar.

Sophie Schauermann (15:50.868)

Congrats!

Sophie Schauermann (16:04.24)

Yeah, you know, yeah. Yeah. Um, being a stepparent is the hardest thing I've ever done, but so rewarding. And it's really nice to feel the process of like closeness and then not sure and all of us really choosing each other. But when we got married last summer, I shared vows to my now husband and my step kids. And it was like so sweet. I like made Yeah, commitments and

Jey (16:05.174)

But it's really fun.

Sophie Schauermann (16:32.86)

agreements with them and the little one who was four at the time, like I, you know, I don't know how much he took in the older one was actually like, hugging us and crying with us, even though there's been you know, it's a journey for her too, because she knows what it was like to have mom and dad together and misses that chapter in her life. But I know, like, yeah, it was just a really cool process of like sharing my commitment to them too. Because when you become a stepparent, you're, you're not just committing to

your spouse, you're committing to one or two or however many other little souls too. And yeah, they definitely like I know that day was an energetic, really important shift for all of us.

Jey (17:14.414)

Yeah, 100%. And I think it's healing for my older daughter. Obviously my little one, she's grown up in the divorce. I mean, she was five months old when we split. So she was real little. We split in April 21. She was born November 20. So she's grown up with it, you know, the last two and a half years or whatever that is now. But the older one, you know, she grew up with us together.

Sophie Schauermann (17:20.181)

Mm-hmm.

Sophie Schauermann (17:26.948)

Mm-hmm.

Sophie Schauermann (17:39.436)