Everything was status quo, and life was exemplary. You were fine, I was fine, then the next you were still OK, and I started fighting every day to heal.
Let that sink in for just a moment. It truly does feel that one day your world was fine, everything was normal; despite all the warning signs, stop signs and red lights, and all the voices of people telling you what was coming, you ignored them all. Then BOOM, life was different. You were suddenly crying yourself to sleep, crying through prayers, cuddling stuffed animals and the dog cause you didn't have someone to cuddle kids or a partner, and now you're fighting as hard as you can daily to heal and feel "normal."
I hate to be the one to break it to you; that "everyday normal" that you felt is gone. It's gone forever, and you aren't going to have that "normal" again because it doesn't and won't ever exist ever again. However, you look at what was and who you were with, and they seem to have that normal again; they seem to have that life, you look at your divorced friends getting into new situations that are happy and healthy, and then there is you, and you're stuck.
You walk around alone; you lie down alone; you go to the store alone; you take your kids to events alone; and do all these things alone. You seem your ex/co-parent and see they aren't alone; they are doing all the things, living the life you once did, and maybe for a little while, it hurts. However, it doesn't have to hurt forever, and it won't, but you have to do a couple of things.
First, you must admit that it's done, and whatever happened, you need to let go of all the hurt, the pain, the resentment, the anger, and the process. Sit with the sadness, loneliness, and quiet and start to process. Then you must forgive them, yourself, and others to feel better. There is a crazy power in forgiveness that helps us move towards genuinely letting go and moving on.
Second, you must fake it until you make it because I promise you will. Look in the mirror daily, and tell yourself you're no less for being alone. You're honestly more for being able to be alone and not have jumped into any previous chances for a toxic relationship. You have learned about yourself and others and what you truly want, and it might take more than two years for something to come your way; it could take two months, maybe five+ years. Remember, the right person will come along when it makes sense. When it makes sense, don't overthink it; go with it. Trust me, trust yourself, and give in; you deserve good things.
So, what are you going to choose? Are you going to keep feeling stuck, or are you going to take and make conscious choices to get through it and come out of the other side happier, healthier, and with more than you think you are "allowed" to have right now?
Prompt: It's been a while, and you haven't moved on. Your ex-spouse has moved on to a new situation; what do you do when you're stuck?