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113: Fulfilled Fathers- Brady (Full Transcript)



Jey (00:05.834)

All right, after a short layoff of the live in studio audience, they are back in full with us today. Happy to have them back and happy to have you guys, the listeners here with us on another episode of the Young Dad Podcast. I'm your host Jay, as always, and I'm joined today by my man Brady. Brady's a host of the Fulfilled Father podcast, as well as an Instagram page and the website Fulfilled Father. Brady, you're a father of four. Awesome kid. You got...

Fulfilled Father (00:30.538)

Yeah, man, yeah four kids two boys two girls

Jey (00:34.31)

and they're in every other pattern, as you were telling me. And you're in three different schools throughout the day. So that's kind of where you're at. And you've also been married to your wife for almost 20 years now, which is in no small feat amazing. You don't even look like you have a senior or you've been married for 20 years. You look fantastic for your age. So let me know what cream you're using and I will buy it shamelessly and plug it away on the podcast here.

Fulfilled Father (00:48.007)

Right.

I'm going to go ahead and turn it off.

Jey (01:04.31)

Brady, we were talking a little bit about pre-show, just some awesome things we're gonna jump into today. So go ahead and tell us a little bit about you, a little bit about what the heck the Fulfilled Father is, how it started, how it got going, and anything else you wanna tell us about you and your platform.

Fulfilled Father (01:23.411)

Love it. Thank you, Jay. Excited to be here with you today. So yeah, my name is Brady. I'm a father of four. I've got two boys, two girls ranging all the way from my oldest daughter. She's a senior in high school this year to my youngest boy. He's wrapping up his last couple of years in elementary and happily married for, as you said, almost 20 years. Me and my wife have an amazing relationship.

I've got an amazing relationship with my kids, which I'm super grateful for. And the foundation and what started Fulfilled Father, I was, I travel a bit for work, I get to meet a lot of different people and was really pretty blown away with how many dads talk about the relationship with their wives and with their kids as though it's like a big obligation and burden, almost like they would love to just kind of shrug it off their shoulders.

And I couldn't relate with it. I couldn't understand it. And, you know, realize that I think there's some misconceptions there, especially for, you know, people that have found success professionally, that they kind of have to choose. You know, I can't have that awesome family life and still be successful professionally or, you know, with my finances. And, you know, the reality is like, no, you absolutely can. And so the goal with

creating the Fulfilled Father platform is to provide a venue to help support and guide dads in that process. And so, we're still building it out. I'm actively working still with my businesses and with my partners and providing for my family. But in the spare time, it's adding those social media posts trying to help dads out.

I'm excited to be doing this podcast and video with you today to help get the message out because the reality is you can't have it all. It takes discipline and hard work and effort, but you can find that happiness and success with your family life and the rest of your life.

Jey (03:42.542)

That's so true. That's so true. It really does come down to... It feels like it has to be a choice, right? It always comes down to choices. Everything we do in life is a choice. Waking up in the morning, putting on a certain pair of shoes versus another pair of shoes, putting on a pair of underwear versus another pair of underwear or socks or whatever, like everything we do is a choice. And even those simple choices have consequences. If it's negative five outside and you wear thin little running socks with running shoes,

It's probably not going to end very well and your feet are going to hurt from how cold they are all day as like an example. But you have to make those choices every single day to be fulfilled. And it really comes back to being more intentional. Something that I've really been working on myself personally is trying to become just more intentional in general across all the things I do.

Fulfilled Father (04:18.221)

Right.

Jey (04:37.302)

whether I'm intentional at work with what I'm doing and the place where I'm doing it from. Like if I'm doing something from a place, I'll check myself like, where is this coming from? Am I doing this just because I want to genuinely be nice? Or am I doing this from like an I have to place or I was told to place or is this just like a because I want to kind of thing? Are my intentions right?

what am I doing at home? Am I intentionally trying to be more present? Am I intentionally trying to engage more? Am I intentionally trying to yell less and love more or do less mansplaining or do this versus the other with my fiance now is like am I wanting to do this versus that versus this versus that? We had like probably one of our best dates in a really long time. We just felt like last at the time of this recording a couple nights ago

where we just felt like super close, super on the same page by everything we were talking about, because everything was clicking and it was because like we were both trying to be more intentional for the other person, more intentional with listening and hearing and responding and like doing the things and talking in the ways that the other like appreciates more. So it really comes down to the intentions behind what you're doing and how you're doing it.

Fulfilled Father (05:35.939)

Yeah

Fulfilled Father (05:54.964)

Yeah. It's funny you use the word intention. So we have four pillars that we try and use as a framework for our messaging. And one of those pillars is be deliberate, which is spot on with being intentional. We've got this world that most of us live in where a

Unfortunately, okay, just kind of getting pushed around and directed wherever the wind will blow them, right? Whether that's being overly influenced from social media or the news or their friends or the perception of those around them. And at some point, you know, everybody has to make that choice of, Hey, is the way that I'm living aligned with my core values? And unfortunately, there's a lot of people that if you ask them, Hey, what are your core values? Jay, there's a lot of them that.

couldn't tell you, you know, in a, in a, in a, like, give you succinct defined, Hey, these are my values. Um, and this is kind of my rock that I'm not going to, you know, leave. Um, and that's, that's kind of step one is, Hey, what are those core values that are your non-negotiables in life for you? And then be intentional or deliberate around those, right? If, if you want that kind of relationship, like you're, you're talking about with your fiance and you want that kind of relationship with your kids.

Like that's going to take work. It's going to take deliberate intentional action where you'll have to make sacrifices. You'll have to, you know, give up, you know, maybe some of the fun things, um, and be, um, you know, Unselfish in making time, um, for, you know, your wife or your kids to, to create those kinds of relationships. So I love that you brought up that, that idea of intentional, you know, we, we use deliberate, but you're spot on.

I'm curious, so like, so, because I want to, I'm always trying to be learning too. You know, what was it for you and your fiance that I think kind of like clicked and said, hey, like, maybe we should do this or facilitated that conversation.

Jey (08:05.774)

You know, it kind of started a few nights before where we just kind of had a really, really long, really good productive talk. And really what came out of that was just some recommitments for both of us.

some things that we were both going to end up doing different or doing more of or doing less of kind of things to show more like respect for each other or to show more love for each other or patient or understanding like for each other. So we both committed to doing three things, a little bit more or a little bit less or whatever that kind of looks like for more or less kind of thing. And

Fulfilled Father (08:22.533)

Mm.

Jey (08:46.538)

We asked each other, like, okay, what are the things you need me to do? What are the things you need me to do? Vice versa kind of thing. Uh, so it really came back to another one of your four pillars here is being humble and teachable, allowing each other to be like taught by the other. Like, Hey, this is what you're doing that I'm not loving. This is what I'm kind of struggling with right now. This is what I need more of, or I need less of.

Fulfilled Father (09:00.859)

Yeah.

Jey (09:13.25)

kind of thing and then committing to doing those things and being more like mindful of it. Because the problem with a lot of relationships I feel and with my first marriage I feel where the problem was, we didn't have that. We didn't have that like willingness for each other. It wasn't just me to her or her to me. It was both of us. You can fully admit that. And where we weren't willing to...

Find that compromise, to find that humility for each other to be teachable. To listen and to be taught like, okay, these are your needs and this is how I can fulfill them. This is what I can do to meet those needs. Or okay, I can't meet that need because I don't know how so I need you to show me or teach me or tell me how to meet that need specifically. Men, we're simple creatures. Tell us what to do. Monkey see, monkey do. Kind of thing, right?

You tell us what to do and we'll figure out how to do it. That's as simple as that. Women, not at all, even close to that. They need a detailed broken down list with a hundred thousand steps in between it and they need to question every single step in between to make sure it makes sense 18 different ways and then it'll finally make sense kind of thing. But what it really comes back to for my fiance and I was just having that conversation that was like.

Fulfilled Father (10:08.394)

Yeah.

Fulfilled Father (10:28.654)

Yeah.

Jey (10:35.862)

This is what I need. This is where I'm at. And then also accepting like, Oh, I, I see how that's affecting you. So having that empath, that level of empathy for each other to make sure like, Oh, I hear you, I hear what you're saying. That was me. Yeah. I feel really crappy if I was doing that to you kind of thing. Or if you were doing that to me, I can kind of, I can see kind of how you're feeling about that. And that makes a lot more sense now that you explain it and talk about it openly.

how we come to that understanding of kind of where we're at.

Fulfilled Father (11:10.439)

Yeah, no, I think you're spot on. So just seeing you talk about that, you know, this, this experience of you and your fiancee, you know, sitting and creating the environment and the time to have that kind of conversation, right? Because, dude, I guarantee you most people right now, most couples, right? Like

It's a whirlwind, you get kids in the bed, and then what do you do? You sit next to each other on this doing your own thing for an hour or a couple hours or whatever, or maybe you're on video games or watching a show, but it's like you're in the same house, maybe even in the same room, maybe in the same bed with each other, but you're like doing your own thing instead of being deliberate and having that conversation. And then to your next point, yeah, on being humble.

Jey (11:35.221)

Mm-hmm.

Fulfilled Father (11:59.387)

It's hard. Nobody likes being told that they've got something they need to be better at, or they need to fix or work on something. But the reality of it is, that's what relationships are. You have to be vulnerable, whether that's with your spouse or with your kids. There's gonna be times, and I think all of us have these moments. How many dads have had a moment where you lost your crap on your kids? Like you lose it on your kids. You lost your patience.

Right. And then you come to your senses, you know, maybe 10, 15 minutes later, it's like, man, I, that was an epic fail. Right. But like that's, that's part of being humble. Right. But is, are you being humble enough that you're going, even if it's like your, your two year old, right. You're going back and you're saying, Hey, dad, sorry, I'm sorry. Like I lost my temper. That's not cool. Um, I need to do better. Um, you need to know that I'm not perfect. And sometimes I make mistakes too.

and I love you and I'm sorry that I handled that, you know, in that way, right? Because part of this is you're providing that example for your kids and you're creating a relationship where it's okay to be vulnerable, right? Like you're not going to always get it right. You're not always gonna have all of the answers. You're not gonna nail it 100% every single time, but you gotta be teachable.

Right. You got to be able to be humble enough to look inward and kind of take inventory of what you're doing right or what you're doing wrong. But then I think to your point, Jay, like you nailed is, you know, being able to have those conversations with, you know, with your wife or even with your kids, especially as they get older on, um, how you can more effectively communicate or how you can better support them. Right. Um, or what things you do just, you know, drive them nuts. Um, you know, that you're always.

being an engaged person in the relationship, but that it's not, I'm always right, this whole thing of like, well, because I said so, like, oh, please don't use that, right? Like engage, like these are real people. This isn't a dictatorship where you just get to rule everything, but it's hard. Like you gotta be willing to be humble and humble yourself and genuinely seek

Jey (14:05.935)

Mm-hmm.

Fulfilled Father (14:23.099)

for that feedback, right? And I say genuinely because Jay, I think a lot of times it's like, dude, you can't fake that. Like anybody can see right through it. If it's not genuine, if you're not like genuinely humble, asking for those conversations with an intent to change and to do better and a commitment, I don't care if it's your spouse, I don't care if it's any one of your kids, they'll see right through it. Like you legitimately have to be genuine.

Jey (14:26.055)

Mm-hmm.

Fulfilled Father (14:52.14)

in that desire to be better and be an active participant in the relationship. And you know, you've got to be humble to do that.

Jey (14:59.466)

Exactly. But you also have to be like, you have to want that feedback at the same time. You have to have a desire in yourself. So you have to be intentional enough to be humble. But then you have to have an intentional desire for that change to be better. So one thing that my fiance and I talk a lot about is like my oldest daughter. She's. Six going on 16 a lot of the time.

lot of big outbursts, a lot of hard time controlling her emotions. She just started. Well, at the time of this recording, she's been going to therapy for a little bit now to kind of help learn some of those skills. Like, even though I worked in mental health, I can't work with this kid because I can't work with myself kind of thing.

The apple did not fall far from this tree in terms of her. But one thing that my fiance and I talk about is her a lot because like she can be so disrespectful, so yelly, so screamy, and then she knows just how to get me because like she's so much me that she knows how to get at me or get after me so easily. So the other day at the time of this recording, I had to...

You know, it was after the night that my fiance and I talked. We talked kind of like how she needs better boundaries. She needs to understand these things. And I think part of that feedback is taking that feedback and applying it, wanting to improve and to grow and to not settling with kind of exactly where you're at. And so with that's like, OK, I could have taken with my fiance said and just said, yeah, you know, we're working on it kind of thing. But I said I need to take it a step further, which is also goes in line with me trying to be more intentional to where I got down on my niece. I got down on her level.

Fulfilled Father (16:13.479)

I'm going to go ahead and turn it over to the audience. So, I'm going to turn it over to the audience.

Jey (16:38.686)

And I'm like, look, you don't like it when I yell at you. You don't like it when I cuss. You don't like it when I do these things. I also don't like it when you yell at me for no reason, when you get yelling and screaming at me. Cause then daddy feels like he wants to yell and scream right back at you. And it's not fun for either of us. I'm like, is this making sense? She's like, mm-hmm. But I, and then she was still being a butt. She was trying in that moment to still do the exact same thing. It's like, well, I like it though. I'm like, no, you don't cause you cry. And.

Fulfilled Father (17:00.626)

I'm going to go ahead and start the presentation.

Jey (17:08.042)

you get mad and you get puffy and you run off to your room kind of thing. And I'm like, look, I'll be real with you. I will work on it and you're going to work on it. And we're going to work on this together. We're going to work on being better for each other to where I'm going to try harder not to yell at you and you're going to try harder not to be disrespectful and yelling at me because I know you know what to do. I know you know how to do it and we're not going to do those things anymore. And so we made that commitment. We pinky promise. We thumb touch. We locked it in. And.

Fulfilled Father (17:33.725)

Yeah

Jey (17:37.718)

Like that night was great. That next morning was great. You know, outside of her waking up, she's, she's not fun to wake up in the morning. She's not a morning person. Um, but you know, after that, like everything felt really good between us. Like it was very like mellow calm. She's asking for things the right way, or she's just doing things herself that she knows she can do. She's not yelling, she's not screaming. She was able to be redirected and it was just a lot easier kind of thing.

because we were on, we were finally on the same page. So I was taking that feedback from my fiance, who then I had to apply it and set the example like for my kids, but I had to be very loving in that conversation. Like it's okay to like straight up like say, look, what you're doing makes me upset because that's how we model for our kids. We have to model those behaviors we wanna see from our kids. So if I want her to be able to communicate with me or anyone else.

Fulfilled Father (18:08.254)

Yeah.

Jey (18:36.418)

something that they're doing or not doing or that she's doing, whatever that situation is, I have to do it with her. I have to set the example, okay, this is what it looks like. You're gonna level with them, you're gonna talk to them or talk calmly. You're gonna figure out where that middle ground is. You're gonna say what you feel, what they're doing, what you're doing, and where you both can be better kind of thing. So hopefully it's sustained and whatnot from here, so.

Fulfilled Father (18:43.989)

Yeah.

Fulfilled Father (18:58.847)

Yeah, I love that. I think that fits in really well with kind of our overarching pillar, which is be loving. And I want to be really specific here because what you did resonates perfectly with I think what the model needs to be for us as dads. Being loving is not like being what I've heard often referred to as like Disneyland dad, right? Where everything is always fun.

You're always saying yes and like you never saying no. Like being genuinely loving somebody is loving them enough that you're willing to have a hard conversation with them because you genuinely want them to be better and to change, right? So it's like, so in that example, you know, you're getting down on her level, you're humbling yourself, you're recognizing where, you know, you've got some work to do, but then you're loving enough.

that you're willing to have, you know, kind of that hard conversation with her and challenging her in a way that's trying to help her understand your perspective and help you understand her perspective. You know, that it's, hey, we're gonna try and have an objective, non-emotional conversation about our collective behavior to try and do this better. Right? And I think that's an important part.

you know, when we think about loving with our kids, like love needs to permeate and be involved in everything. But avoiding hard conversations or not being willing to discipline or correct your children, because you think that for some reason that means that you don't love them is complete opposite of the truth, right? Like when you genuinely love your kids, you want them to be productive citizens in the community in the future. And part of that is

you know, learning how to manage their behavior and recognizing that there's some ways to interact that aren't okay. And other ways that, um, you know, are, are going to help them in life and make more lasting, fulfilling relationships, you know, in their own personal lives. Um, but again, it's like, you know, kind of that modeling piece too, of like your exhibiting, Hey, I'm willing to be humble.

Fulfilled Father (21:17.027)

Um, and I'm, I'm willing to be loving in how I'm approaching this, but you're also teaching them to what that looks like to be vulnerable and to be humble themselves and to be teachable. But again, because it's approached in a loving manner where they recognize you genuinely care for them and want them to get better, um, it's going to be well received because it's, they know you're not faking it, right? And there's plenty of times where I think, you know, probably more so with

say teenagers, where, you know, yeah, you're not going to be able to do that, like in the heat of the moment, like you're both probably going to have to cool off. Like I know that I'm that way with, you know, my, my teenagers, you know, we, we need a little bit of space and then we can come back when, um, emotions have calmed down and have a more productive conversation. And it almost always starts with the, Hey, I'm sorry, which is each of us humbling ourselves, right? And then, um,

you know, talking through the challenges and gaining perspective when the emotions removed, but not just ignoring it and leaving it alone. But, you know, again, being willing to have that conversation deliberately, with lots of love and intention to, to get better and strengthen the relationship. And recognizing that like some of those moments, that's where you get the best feedback, where you realize, okay, yeah, when I do this,

Um, it triggers this, like, like I know that like with my oldest daughter, like I know there are certain things that if heard, I disagree with something, there's certain behaviors that are going to trigger her, which then triggers me. Um, and I just know that it's more productive for us to, to not do that, right, to approach it a different way. And I think sometimes Jay, the hardest part is every kid is different.

Right. And even how we interact with our wife, like that's going to look different. Um, and sometimes it might feel overwhelming because like you got to figure out like, well, you know, I have to use this approach with this person or this approach with, you know, this other person in my family. Um, but that's the cool part. Like all of us are very unique. All of us have different personalities. Um, I know for me, when each one of my kids were born, like

Fulfilled Father (23:37.795)

You know, being in the hospital with them, seeing in how they, you know, they interact or respond to nurses. Like I will argue you could see a lot of their individual personalities and how they respond to things, even from like the instant they were born with how they responded to, you know, the hair being washed or, you know, being wrapped up and wiped off by nurses, like any of that. Um, and I think that's an important part of, you know, when we're loving and, you know, being deliberate and humbled that it's going to look different.

for each one of these relationships, but each one of those relationships bring crazy amount of joy and happiness when it's like a real healthy relationship too.

Jey (24:21.074)

And I think it's so interesting that you mentioned that like each relationship is going to be a little bit different at the same time. And I think that's part of it is overwhelming to a great extent, especially when you have five different people for your case all coming to you and approaching you in a different way for possibly the exact same thing.

Fulfilled Father (24:45.863)

Hehehe

Jey (24:46.07)

and they could all be asking you for the exact same thing, but they're all going to come about it a different way or in their own unique way. And for each of those five people, well, I guess there's only four love languages. Five, there's five love languages. Yeah, five. They all could have a different love languages, right?

I'm sure a couple of them maybe have the same love language, but there's a chance that they all could be different on there. And so then you as a father, you have to show love in five different ways, an individual way to each and every person, to each child and to your wife differently in a way that resonates with them.

Fulfilled Father (25:07.01)

Yeah.

Jey (25:25.446)

and then they'll have to learn how to show it to each other. And then they have to learn how it's shown to themselves, and then they have to learn how they communicate that back to you and to mom. And it's like this really cool yet overwhelming cycle of like fun, like as a dad, being able to try to learn and balance these personalities. And then over time you're going to learn like, oh these apples really did not fall far from the tree. They don't.

they don't, whether it's from you or from your wife's tree, whatever that looks like, they don't fall very far from your guys's tree. Our kids are more like us than we think and they model after us and they take after us, which can also be very overwhelming to think about. It's like, wow, my kids are going to take after me or they're going to take after me and my wife in a certain way. They're going to do these things a certain way at a certain time at a certain place. Hopefully they don't mess up.

Fulfilled Fath