Jey (00:05.834)
All right, after a short layoff of the live in studio audience, they are back in full with us today. Happy to have them back and happy to have you guys, the listeners here with us on another episode of the Young Dad Podcast. I'm your host Jay, as always, and I'm joined today by my man Brady. Brady's a host of the Fulfilled Father podcast, as well as an Instagram page and the website Fulfilled Father. Brady, you're a father of four. Awesome kid. You got...
Fulfilled Father (00:30.538)
Yeah, man, yeah four kids two boys two girls
Jey (00:34.31)
and they're in every other pattern, as you were telling me. And you're in three different schools throughout the day. So that's kind of where you're at. And you've also been married to your wife for almost 20 years now, which is in no small feat amazing. You don't even look like you have a senior or you've been married for 20 years. You look fantastic for your age. So let me know what cream you're using and I will buy it shamelessly and plug it away on the podcast here.
Fulfilled Father (00:48.007)
Right.
I'm going to go ahead and turn it off.
Jey (01:04.31)
Brady, we were talking a little bit about pre-show, just some awesome things we're gonna jump into today. So go ahead and tell us a little bit about you, a little bit about what the heck the Fulfilled Father is, how it started, how it got going, and anything else you wanna tell us about you and your platform.
Fulfilled Father (01:23.411)
Love it. Thank you, Jay. Excited to be here with you today. So yeah, my name is Brady. I'm a father of four. I've got two boys, two girls ranging all the way from my oldest daughter. She's a senior in high school this year to my youngest boy. He's wrapping up his last couple of years in elementary and happily married for, as you said, almost 20 years. Me and my wife have an amazing relationship.
I've got an amazing relationship with my kids, which I'm super grateful for. And the foundation and what started Fulfilled Father, I was, I travel a bit for work, I get to meet a lot of different people and was really pretty blown away with how many dads talk about the relationship with their wives and with their kids as though it's like a big obligation and burden, almost like they would love to just kind of shrug it off their shoulders.
And I couldn't relate with it. I couldn't understand it. And, you know, realize that I think there's some misconceptions there, especially for, you know, people that have found success professionally, that they kind of have to choose. You know, I can't have that awesome family life and still be successful professionally or, you know, with my finances. And, you know, the reality is like, no, you absolutely can. And so the goal with
creating the Fulfilled Father platform is to provide a venue to help support and guide dads in that process. And so, we're still building it out. I'm actively working still with my businesses and with my partners and providing for my family. But in the spare time, it's adding those social media posts trying to help dads out.
I'm excited to be doing this podcast and video with you today to help get the message out because the reality is you can't have it all. It takes discipline and hard work and effort, but you can find that happiness and success with your family life and the rest of your life.
Jey (03:42.542)
That's so true. That's so true. It really does come down to... It feels like it has to be a choice, right? It always comes down to choices. Everything we do in life is a choice. Waking up in the morning, putting on a certain pair of shoes versus another pair of shoes, putting on a pair of underwear versus another pair of underwear or socks or whatever, like everything we do is a choice. And even those simple choices have consequences. If it's negative five outside and you wear thin little running socks with running shoes,
It's probably not going to end very well and your feet are going to hurt from how cold they are all day as like an example. But you have to make those choices every single day to be fulfilled. And it really comes back to being more intentional. Something that I've really been working on myself personally is trying to become just more intentional in general across all the things I do.
Fulfilled Father (04:18.221)
Right.
Jey (04:37.302)
whether I'm intentional at work with what I'm doing and the place where I'm doing it from. Like if I'm doing something from a place, I'll check myself like, where is this coming from? Am I doing this just because I want to genuinely be nice? Or am I doing this from like an I have to place or I was told to place or is this just like a because I want to kind of thing? Are my intentions right?
what am I doing at home? Am I intentionally trying to be more present? Am I intentionally trying to engage more? Am I intentionally trying to yell less and love more or do less mansplaining or do this versus the other with my fiance now is like am I wanting to do this versus that versus this versus that? We had like probably one of our best dates in a really long time. We just felt like last at the time of this recording a couple nights ago
where we just felt like super close, super on the same page by everything we were talking about, because everything was clicking and it was because like we were both trying to be more intentional for the other person, more intentional with listening and hearing and responding and like doing the things and talking in the ways that the other like appreciates more. So it really comes down to the intentions behind what you're doing and how you're doing it.
Fulfilled Father (05:35.939)
Yeah
Fulfilled Father (05:54.964)
Yeah. It's funny you use the word intention. So we have four pillars that we try and use as a framework for our messaging. And one of those pillars is be deliberate, which is spot on with being intentional. We've got this world that most of us live in where a
Unfortunately, okay, just kind of getting pushed around and directed wherever the wind will blow them, right? Whether that's being overly influenced from social media or the news or their friends or the perception of those around them. And at some point, you know, everybody has to make that choice of, Hey, is the way that I'm living aligned with my core values? And unfortunately, there's a lot of people that if you ask them, Hey, what are your core values? Jay, there's a lot of them that.
couldn't tell you, you know, in a, in a, in a, like, give you succinct defined, Hey, these are my values. Um, and this is kind of my rock that I'm not going to, you know, leave. Um, and that's, that's kind of step one is, Hey, what are those core values that are your non-negotiables in life for you? And then be intentional or deliberate around those, right? If, if you want that kind of relationship, like you're, you're talking about with your fiance and you want that kind of relationship with your kids.
Like that's going to take work. It's going to take deliberate intentional action where you'll have to make sacrifices. You'll have to, you know, give up, you know, maybe some of the fun things, um, and be, um, you know, Unselfish in making time, um, for, you know, your wife or your kids to, to create those kinds of relationships. So I love that you brought up that, that idea of intentional, you know, we, we use deliberate, but you're spot on.
I'm curious, so like, so, because I want to, I'm always trying to be learning too. You know, what was it for you and your fiance that I think kind of like clicked and said, hey, like, maybe we should do this or facilitated that conversation.
Jey (08:05.774)
You know, it kind of started a few nights before where we just kind of had a really, really long, really good productive talk. And really what came out of that was just some recommitments for both of us.
some things that we were both going to end up doing different or doing more of or doing less of kind of things to show more like respect for each other or to show more love for each other or patient or understanding like for each other. So we both committed to doing three things, a little bit more or a little bit less or whatever that kind of looks like for more or less kind of thing. And
Fulfilled Father (08:22.533)
Mm.
Jey (08:46.538)
We asked each other, like, okay, what are the things you need me to do? What are the things you need me to do? Vice versa kind of thing. Uh, so it really came back to another one of your four pillars here is being humble and teachable, allowing each other to be like taught by the other. Like, Hey, this is what you're doing that I'm not loving. This is what I'm kind of struggling with right now. This is what I need more of, or I need less of.
Fulfilled Father (09:00.859)
Yeah.
Jey (09:13.25)
kind of thing and then committing to doing those things and being more like mindful of it. Because the problem with a lot of relationships I feel and with my first marriage I feel where the problem was, we didn't have that. We didn't have that like willingness for each other. It wasn't just me to her or her to me. It was both of us. You can fully admit that. And where we weren't willing to...
Find that compromise, to find that humility for each other to be teachable. To listen and to be taught like, okay, these are your needs and this is how I can fulfill them. This is what I can do to meet those needs. Or okay, I can't meet that need because I don't know how so I need you to show me or teach me or tell me how to meet that need specifically. Men, we're simple creatures. Tell us what to do. Monkey see, monkey do. Kind of thing, right?
You tell us what to do and we'll figure out how to do it. That's as simple as that. Women, not at all, even close to that. They need a detailed broken down list with a hundred thousand steps in between it and they need to question every single step in between to make sure it makes sense 18 different ways and then it'll finally make sense kind of thing. But what it really comes back to for my fiance and I was just having that conversation that was like.
Fulfilled Father (10:08.394)
Yeah.
Fulfilled Father (10:28.654)
Yeah.
Jey (10:35.862)
This is what I need. This is where I'm at. And then also accepting like, Oh, I, I see how that's affecting you. So having that empath, that level of empathy for each other to make sure like, Oh, I hear you, I hear what you're saying. That was me. Yeah. I feel really crappy if I was doing that to you kind of thing. Or if you were doing that to me, I can kind of, I can see kind of how you're feeling about that. And that makes a lot more sense now that you explain it and talk about it openly.
how we come to that understanding of kind of where we're at.
Fulfilled Father (11:10.439)
Yeah, no, I think you're spot on. So just seeing you talk about that, you know, this, this experience of you and your fiancee, you know, sitting and creating the environment and the time to have that kind of conversation, right? Because, dude, I guarantee you most people right now, most couples, right? Like
It's a whirlwind, you get kids in the bed, and then what do you do? You sit next to each other on this doing your own thing for an hour or a couple hours or whatever, or maybe you're on video games or watching a show, but it's like you're in the same house, maybe even in the same room, maybe in the same bed with each other, but you're like doing your own thing instead of being deliberate and having that conversation. And then to your next point, yeah, on being humble.
Jey (11:35.221)
Mm-hmm.
Fulfilled Father (11:59.387)
It's hard. Nobody likes being told that they've got something they need to be better at, or they need to fix or work on something. But the reality of it is, that's what relationships are. You have to be vulnerable, whether that's with your spouse or with your kids. There's gonna be times, and I think all of us have these moments. How many dads have had a moment where you lost your crap on your kids? Like you lose it on your kids. You lost your patience.
Right. And then you come to your senses, you know, maybe 10, 15 minutes later, it's like, man, I, that was an epic fail. Right. But like that's, that's part of being humble. Right. But is, are you being humble enough that you're going, even if it's like your, your two year old, right. You're going back and you're saying, Hey, dad, sorry, I'm sorry. Like I lost my temper. That's not cool. Um, I need to do better. Um, you need to know that I'm not perfect. And sometimes I make mistakes too.
and I love you and I'm sorry that I handled that, you know, in that way, right? Because part of this is you're providing that example for your kids and you're creating a relationship where it's okay to be vulnerable, right? Like you're not going to always get it right. You're not always gonna have all of the answers. You're not gonna nail it 100% every single time, but you gotta be teachable.
Right. You got to be able to be humble enough to look inward and kind of take inventory of what you're doing right or what you're doing wrong. But then I think to your point, Jay, like you nailed is, you know, being able to have those conversations with, you know, with your wife or even with your kids, especially as they get older on, um, how you can more effectively communicate or how you can better support them. Right. Um, or what things you do just, you know, drive them nuts. Um, you know, that you're always.
being an engaged person in the relationship, but that it's not, I'm always right, this whole thing of like, well, because I said so, like, oh, please don't use that, right? Like engage, like these are real people. This isn't a dictatorship where you just get to rule everything, but it's hard. Like you gotta be willing to be humble and humble yourself and genuinely seek
Jey (14:05.935)
Mm-hmm.
Fulfilled Father (14:23.099)
for that feedback, right? And I say genuinely because Jay, I think a lot of times it's like, dude, you can't fake that. Like anybody can see right through it. If it's not genuine, if you're not like genuinely humble, asking for those conversations with an intent to change and to do better and a commitment, I don't care if it's your spouse, I don't care if it's any one of your kids, they'll see right through it. Like you legitimately have to be genuine.
Jey (14:26.055)
Mm-hmm.
Fulfilled Father (14:52.14)
in that desire to be better and be an active participant in the relationship. And you know, you've got to be humble to do that.
Jey (14:59.466)
Exactly. But you also have to be like, you have to want that feedback at the same time. You have to have a desire in yourself. So you have to be intentional enough to be humble. But then you have to have an intentional desire for that change to be better. So one thing that my fiance and I talk a lot about is like my oldest daughter. She's. Six going on 16 a lot of the time.
lot of big outbursts, a lot of hard time controlling her emotions. She just started. Well, at the time of this recording, she's been going to therapy for a little bit now to kind of help learn some of those skills. Like, even though I worked in mental health, I can't work with this kid because I can't work with myself kind of thing.
The apple did not fall far from this tree in terms of her. But one thing that my fiance and I talk about is her a lot because like she can be so disrespectful, so yelly, so screamy, and then she knows just how to get me because like she's so much me that she knows how to get at me or get after me so easily. So the other day at the time of this recording, I had to...
You know, it was after the night that my fiance and I talked. We talked kind of like how she needs better boundaries. She needs to understand these things. And I think part of that feedback is taking that feedback and applying it, wanting to improve and to grow and to not settling with kind of exactly where you're at. And so with that's like, OK, I could have taken with my fiance said and just said, yeah, you know, we're working on it kind of thing. But I said I need to take it a step further, which is also goes in line with me trying to be more intentional to where I got down on my niece. I got down on her level.
Fulfilled Father (16:13.479)
I'm going to go ahead and turn it over to the audience. So, I'm going to turn it over to the audience.
Jey (16:38.686)
And I'm like, look, you don't like it when I yell at you. You don't like it when I cuss. You don't like it when I do these things. I also don't like it when you yell at me for no reason, when you get yelling and screaming at me. Cause then daddy feels like he wants to yell and scream right back at you. And it's not fun for either of us. I'm like, is this making sense? She's like, mm-hmm. But I, and then she was still being a butt. She was trying in that moment to still do the exact same thing. It's like, well, I like it though. I'm like, no, you don't cause you cry. And.
Fulfilled Father (17:00.626)
I'm going to go ahead and start the presentation.
Jey (17:08.042)
you get mad and you get puffy and you run off to your room kind of thing. And I'm like, look, I'll be real with you. I will work on it and you're going to work on it. And we're going to work on this together. We're going to work on being better for each other to where I'm going to try harder not to yell at you and you're going to try harder not to be disrespectful and yelling at me because I know you know what to do. I know you know how to do it and we're not going to do those things anymore. And so we made that commitment. We pinky promise. We thumb touch. We locked it in. And.
Fulfilled Father (17:33.725)
Yeah
Jey (17:37.718)
Like that night was great. That next morning was great. You know, outside of her waking up, she's, she's not fun to wake up in the morning. She's not a morning person. Um, but you know, after that, like everything felt really good between us. Like it was very like mellow calm. She's asking for things the right way, or she's just doing things herself that she knows she can do. She's not yelling, she's not screaming. She was able to be redirected and it was just a lot easier kind of thing.
because we were on, we were finally on the same page. So I was taking that feedback from my fiance, who then I had to apply it and set the example like for my kids, but I had to be very loving in that conversation. Like it's okay to like straight up like say, look, what you're doing makes me upset because that's how we model for our kids. We have to model those behaviors we wanna see from our kids. So if I want her to be able to communicate with me or anyone else.
Fulfilled Father (18:08.254)
Yeah.
Jey (18:36.418)
something that they're doing or not doing or that she's doing, whatever that situation is, I have to do it with her. I have to set the example, okay, this is what it looks like. You're gonna level with them, you're gonna talk to them or talk calmly. You're gonna figure out where that middle ground is. You're gonna say what you feel, what they're doing, what you're doing, and where you both can be better kind of thing. So hopefully it's sustained and whatnot from here, so.
Fulfilled Father (18:43.989)
Yeah.
Fulfilled Father (18:58.847)
Yeah, I love that. I think that fits in really well with kind of our overarching pillar, which is be loving. And I want to be really specific here because what you did resonates perfectly with I think what the model needs to be for us as dads. Being loving is not like being what I've heard often referred to as like Disneyland dad, right? Where everything is always fun.
You're always saying yes and like you never saying no. Like being genuinely loving somebody is loving them enough that you're willing to have a hard conversation with them because you genuinely want them to be better and to change, right? So it's like, so in that example, you know, you're getting down on her level, you're humbling yourself, you're recognizing where, you know, you've got some work to do, but then you're loving enough.
that you're willing to have, you know, kind of that hard conversation with her and challenging her in a way that's trying to help her understand your perspective and help you understand her perspective. You know, that it's, hey, we're gonna try and have an objective, non-emotional conversation about our collective behavior to try and do this better. Right? And I think that's an important part.
you know, when we think about loving with our kids, like love needs to permeate and be involved in everything. But avoiding hard conversations or not being willing to discipline or correct your children, because you think that for some reason that means that you don't love them is complete opposite of the truth, right? Like when you genuinely love your kids, you want them to be productive citizens in the community in the future. And part of that is
you know, learning how to manage their behavior and recognizing that there's some ways to interact that aren't okay. And other ways that, um, you know, are, are going to help them in life and make more lasting, fulfilling relationships, you know, in their own personal lives. Um, but again, it's like, you know, kind of that modeling piece too, of like your exhibiting, Hey, I'm willing to be humble.
Fulfilled Father (21:17.027)
Um, and I'm, I'm willing to be loving in how I'm approaching this, but you're also teaching them to what that looks like to be vulnerable and to be humble themselves and to be teachable. But again, because it's approached in a loving manner where they recognize you genuinely care for them and want them to get better, um, it's going to be well received because it's, they know you're not faking it, right? And there's plenty of times where I think, you know, probably more so with
say teenagers, where, you know, yeah, you're not going to be able to do that, like in the heat of the moment, like you're both probably going to have to cool off. Like I know that I'm that way with, you know, my, my teenagers, you know, we, we need a little bit of space and then we can come back when, um, emotions have calmed down and have a more productive conversation. And it almost always starts with the, Hey, I'm sorry, which is each of us humbling ourselves, right? And then, um,
you know, talking through the challenges and gaining perspective when the emotions removed, but not just ignoring it and leaving it alone. But, you know, again, being willing to have that conversation deliberately, with lots of love and intention to, to get better and strengthen the relationship. And recognizing that like some of those moments, that's where you get the best feedback, where you realize, okay, yeah, when I do this,
Um, it triggers this, like, like I know that like with my oldest daughter, like I know there are certain things that if heard, I disagree with something, there's certain behaviors that are going to trigger her, which then triggers me. Um, and I just know that it's more productive for us to, to not do that, right, to approach it a different way. And I think sometimes Jay, the hardest part is every kid is different.
Right. And even how we interact with our wife, like that's going to look different. Um, and sometimes it might feel overwhelming because like you got to figure out like, well, you know, I have to use this approach with this person or this approach with, you know, this other person in my family. Um, but that's the cool part. Like all of us are very unique. All of us have different personalities. Um, I know for me, when each one of my kids were born, like
Fulfilled Father (23:37.795)
You know, being in the hospital with them, seeing in how they, you know, they interact or respond to nurses. Like I will argue you could see a lot of their individual personalities and how they respond to things, even from like the instant they were born with how they responded to, you know, the hair being washed or, you know, being wrapped up and wiped off by nurses, like any of that. Um, and I think that's an important part of, you know, when we're loving and, you know, being deliberate and humbled that it's going to look different.
for each one of these relationships, but each one of those relationships bring crazy amount of joy and happiness when it's like a real healthy relationship too.
Jey (24:21.074)
And I think it's so interesting that you mentioned that like each relationship is going to be a little bit different at the same time. And I think that's part of it is overwhelming to a great extent, especially when you have five different people for your case all coming to you and approaching you in a different way for possibly the exact same thing.
Fulfilled Father (24:45.863)
Hehehe
Jey (24:46.07)
and they could all be asking you for the exact same thing, but they're all going to come about it a different way or in their own unique way. And for each of those five people, well, I guess there's only four love languages. Five, there's five love languages. Yeah, five. They all could have a different love languages, right?
I'm sure a couple of them maybe have the same love language, but there's a chance that they all could be different on there. And so then you as a father, you have to show love in five different ways, an individual way to each and every person, to each child and to your wife differently in a way that resonates with them.
Fulfilled Father (25:07.01)
Yeah.
Jey (25:25.446)
and then they'll have to learn how to show it to each other. And then they have to learn how it's shown to themselves, and then they have to learn how they communicate that back to you and to mom. And it's like this really cool yet overwhelming cycle of like fun, like as a dad, being able to try to learn and balance these personalities. And then over time you're going to learn like, oh these apples really did not fall far from the tree. They don't.
they don't, whether it's from you or from your wife's tree, whatever that looks like, they don't fall very far from your guys's tree. Our kids are more like us than we think and they model after us and they take after us, which can also be very overwhelming to think about. It's like, wow, my kids are going to take after me or they're going to take after me and my wife in a certain way. They're going to do these things a certain way at a certain time at a certain place. Hopefully they don't mess up.
Fulfilled Father (26:02.48)
Yeah.
Jey (26:23.394)
They don't get hurt or bullied or something happened to them because of what I taught them. Maybe you didn't even try to teach them. And they did something really great and amazing just because of your example that you set. So that's kind of the counterpoint to how overwhelming it is. It's just...
Fulfilled Father (26:38.881)
Yeah.
Jey (26:44.098)
Honestly, just kind of just be there. Just be there, be intentional, be deliberate, be loving, be humble, and want to be the best you can every day for your kids and put the best foot forward, which kind of leads us into, if a typical dad's listening to this right now, they're probably like, well yeah, that's all well and great in words and in theory, but I can't have all of that, kind of like you mentioned. I can't have all the things. I can't have a good relationship with my wife.
Fulfilled Father (27:08.454)
Yeah.
Jey (27:14.418)
and my kids, like I have to choose one or the other. It's most likely most men are thinking, well, I'm going to choose my kids, of course, because eh, wife, whatever kind of thing. That's kind of where we are.
Fulfilled Father (27:27.726)
Yeah.
Jey (27:28.114)
I also can't have a great time at work. I can't have all the things here. I can't have a social life. I can't also have friends. I can't also have good relationships with my extended family. I can't also have a good relationship with my in-laws. I can't have this. I can't have that. I can't have all the good things together. A, because a lot of men will feel like I'm not allowed to do that because I'm a man. That's not how it works. I get to have one or two nice things. And that's it. So I'm going to make pick and choose my one or two nice things to be my kids.
and games or whatever. Those are my nice things. When it's all about, for me the analogy I like to think of for this is your cups, right? I'm sure you've heard this. How full are your cups? First off, how full is your cup? Are you trying to pour from an empty cup into all these cups? But how much, how big are all those cups? Because all those cups are not the same size. If you realize all those cups are not the same size,
Fulfilled Father (28:03.474)
Yeah.
Fulfilled Father (28:13.015)
Yep.
Jey (28:25.834)
because some of them are going to be bigger because they matter more to you, and some are going to be smaller. But if your smallest cups are overflowing while your biggest cups are half empty, there's the problem in itself. Is you have a little tiny shot glass that's overflowing versus this big cup that's your relationship with your spouse that's only this full versus this little one overflowing and gushing full because you're pouring way too much into that cup and it doesn't matter that much.
You're pouring into the wrong things that don't matter, while you're not pouring enough into the things that do matter.
Fulfilled Father (29:01.332)
Yeah. And I think, so there's two things there, Jay. I think one, I think that perfectly goes back and resonates with, you know, again, being deliberate, right? Taking assessment of what are those cups in your personal life? You know, the
We've hit on three of our pillars. We've talked about be humble, be hungry, or sorry, be deliberate and be loving. The last one is be hungry. For us, it's like, yeah, stop settling. Stop being okay with the status quo. Honestly, that's in either your professional life and how you provide to just settling with the quality of the relationships and saying, yeah, it just is how it is.
Right? Like if you want something better, then figure out the plan to get there. Right? So to some of your points of I think dad saying, well, I can't have it all. Like I can't have that with my relationship and have this social life with my friends and have some of this with the kids or have the success with work. First, it is not going to all happen overnight. Right? Like it is consistent, persistent work.
that's going to facilitate or provide that kind of life that you want. Um, but if you're hungry and unwilling to settle or just, you know, accept the status quo for what it is, like you'll get more deliberate, right? Like one of the reasons me and my wife have had an amazing marriage, you know, coming on 20 years, like we're in this together, we're all in, there's never been a point where one of us is like, no, you know,
this seems too hard, you know, I think we're out. It's like, no, like we're in this. And the crazy part, and this might be surprising, you know, for some to think that it can get this way. If I've got the choice of going and hanging out with the boys or being with my family, I'm picking my family every single time at this point. Like, because like those relationships are so much stronger than, you know, relationships I even have with my guy friends now.
Fulfilled Father (31:15.299)
But it's taken work, you know, it's like, yeah, like, I'm happy to go on boys trips and go have fun and go do stuff with the guys. Um, but I'd rather be doing it with, you know, my, my kids or my wife, you know, and creating those kinds of experiences. And so it's like, part of it is again, being deliberate and being hungry of like, where are you settling and where are you putting the energy? If, if you are not willing to compromise that relationship with
um, you know, friends that maybe aren't helping you be a better dad and husband. Yeah. Maybe you should take a look at that relationship, right? Because like those, when, when you're, you know, an old man sitting in the hospital, like I hate to say it, it's not going to be those friends that are coming to take care of you and to visit you or, you know, we're going to give the same level of like fulfillment and joy. It's going to be those kids.
And it's going to be the grandkids and it's going to be, you know, that, that loving wife, you know, helping take care of you at home, right? Like those are the relationships that are going to last the longest. Um, you know, and depending on like your different religious beliefs as well, like those are also going to be the relationships that last after, you know, this life. Um, and, and so like be all in, like don't settle, be hungry, like figure out how to.
how to better provide, figure out how to strengthen those relationships and what the game plan is and then be intentional and deliberate on making it happen.
Jey (32:53.294)
percent and you have to want it you have to want these things they don't just happen right they don't just fall in your lap they take work they take effort they take planning they take having hard conversations with your spouse if you guys aren't in a good place it takes having that hard conversation like look I've been struggling with these things I've noticed you've been struggling with these things we haven't done these things are
Fulfilled Father (33:00.848)
me.
Fulfilled Father (33:22.375)
Mm-hmm.
Jey (33:22.682)
life feels like it's stagnant to where we wake up, we get the kids ready, we go to work, we come home, we just, we don't, we have zero forms of intimacy whatsoever. And intimacy looks a lot of different ways. Maybe you guys aren't even hugging or kissing or touching or holding hands or maybe it's just a lot of bickering and fighting and just silence and you're not talking, you're not communicating, there's nothing, it's all...
Fulfilled Father (33:40.982)
Yeah.
Jey (33:49.35)
it feels like it's just stagnant, right? And you can want to work on these things, but you have to start in a really small place. You have to start with first having a really hard conversation, I feel, then you have to start really small from there. You can't go like zero to a hundred for these things. It's going to be unsustainable. It's not going to work. You have to go very slowly along the way. Okay, what's our first step going to be? How do we start to fix us?
Fulfilled Father (33:52.955)
Yeah.
Jey (34:19.434)
Like for me, with like my religious beliefs and whatnot, for me, the order of priorities, and it can be fluid to an extent, but it's God first, spouse second, kids third, ministry fourth, work and stuff fifth. That's just myself being Christian, the way I was raised, the way I am now and whatnot. That's kind of the order of things. And it can be very like kids and spouse can definitely flip at any given time depending on what the circumstances is.
Fulfilled Father (34:29.447)
Mm-hmm.
Jey (34:49.274)
Work can sometimes, work should never really jump out of that fourth spot or that fifth spot because your ministry should be more important. Those you're serving, those you're helping, those you're working with. I have two different ministries that I'm involved in at my church. I'm involved with children's ministry and I'm involved with the Iwana ministry. So there's twice a week when I'm at church working with kids, working with youth and whatnot. Those are very important to me. I'm not going to let work dictate those things. And then when
Fulfilled Father (34:57.095)
Yeah.
Fulfilled Father (35:05.968)
Mm-hmm.
Jey (35:19.078)
ministry like for me because I get to work with these kids and just like pour into them through like baseball and sports and athletics. So like that's part of my ministry as well, something that I've always felt like I'm really good at it. I'm good at coaching. I'm good at teaching. I'm good at showing kids like love and patience that they might not be getting somewhere else just on a baseball field and to show them what it's like to have a really good coach that cares, that's involved, that wants to teach and that wants to help them learn and grow kind of thing.
So that's again, something that I'm not gonna let work jump any of those things ever. It's gonna stay in its place and it's gonna get my energy for eight, nine hours a day because it has to, to pay bills and to do the things, right? But it's not gonna jump those other things that are more important to me. It's not gonna supersede. My ministry's definitely not gonna come before my kids or my spouse because I can't do my ministry without those other two things being in sync.
Fulfilled Father (35:47.41)
Yeah.
Fulfilled Father (36:00.582)
Yeah.
Jey (36:15.794)
I'm going to be distracted, I'm going to be worried, I'm going to be tired or I'm going to be stressed out. My kids are involved in my ministry because they go to their own classes, which allows me to go and do that thing. So I know they're safe and taken care of and learning, but I also am there with them, but not with them at the same time while they do their own thing. So they're involved in that. And I couldn't do those things without the support of my spouse kind of thing. So if those other two relationships aren't there, that's important. And then of course,
Fulfilled Father (36:24.56)
Yeah.
Fulfilled Father (36:41.642)
Yeah.
Jey (36:44.95)
my spouse and my kids can really come down to just kind of what the heck I'm doing. Like I need, sometimes I'm going to have to put kids first before something and we have to make that sacrifice. Maybe it was a date night or something that we had pre-planned, but now there's this really important like kid event and now we have to sacrifice and put them before ourselves or before each other in that instance.
So those two things I feel are linear for us, for me, it's like, I can't put anything before God. I can't anything before him. I can't do. And I'm not afraid to talk about God and faith on my podcast. I don't understand questioning a lot of things there. Like, how are we not doing this enough? Like, why is it taboo? All those questions, but that's a whole different podcast in itself. So.
Fulfilled Father (37:17.118)
Yeah.
Fulfilled Father (37:25.496)
Yeah.
Fulfilled Father (37:37.575)
Yeah, yeah, no, you're probably right. But yeah, but I think, you know, to your point, Jay, if you're deliberate, like you've gone through the practice of identifying what are your points of focus, right? And what is the priority with it? Like you've been deliberate and, you know, you're, you're being very strategic in how you approach it.
You know for me, I'm similar, you know in terms of my areas of priority, right? So I Very religious person, you know, my relationship with God is crucial so similar So, you know God is my number one. My wife is my number two My kids are like just right behind, you know My kids and a lot of that is because we have to be on the same You know page and at some point the kids are gonna go do their own thing and you know It's gonna be me and my wife
Right. And then, you know, I've got my, my profession and you know, I think one point of advice that I've, I've had, and I think you kind of alluded to this is, um, what I've learned is, um, as much as you'd like to look at it at any point in time and say that, well, I'm always stack ranking or prioritizing everything in this order. Um, and what I've learned is oftentimes if you're trying to do that, you're going to feel.
like you're living an out of balance life pretty regularly and be really frustrated with it. And so what I've learned and have kind of been mentored on is this idea of living a perfectly balanced life is really kind of misguided, but you can live a very deliberately unbalanced life. And what I mean by that Jay is if again, you're being intentional, humble,
right, hungry, loving all these things and take step, you know, take a step back and you can take inventory of how things are going in your life and have some of those conversations, right, and recognize that there are going to be times where maybe you've got that big project at work or something going on. Or you change jobs and you've got to get cut up to speed or whatever. Like, you're going to have to give more time to your work, right as a provider for your family and
Fulfilled Father (39:59.583)
being able to help provide an income, right? There's going to be other times where maybe one of your kids is really, really struggling with anxiety or some other type of mental disability or struggle or social life. And you know what? That's gonna have to take more time. There's gonna be other times in life where your personal relationship with God or your personal health.
needs to take more priority. Right. And so the more you can take a step back and say, okay, I recognize these are like, the areas that are important for me to be managing. And how am I doing in each of these areas? And there's going to be times where you have to be deliberately unbalanced in giving more energy in one way or the other. Because in the short run, it'll look like it's, you know, unbalanced, you're giving extra effort somewhere. But in the long term,
It will look more balanced because you're helping like give attention where it's needed, right? Like there, there's all these pieces, but you got to take time to kind of get, I think in that quiet place and take inventory where you don't have all the distractions, you know, you're not just constantly on, on the games or social media or whatever, like, yeah, you, you got to get time and be alone with yourself, which for a lot of dads is kind of scary. Um,
You know, I don't, I don't know if I want to, you know, have a one-on-one conversation with that guy that I see in the mirror and be really frank with, uh, where we need to change or how we need to allocate time and energy. Um, but it's in my mind and my experience, it's a crucial part of the process, um, to, to be able to manage it and then, um, take the proper steps to, you know, adjust where needed. Does that make sense?
Jey (41:52.282)
No, it makes 100% sense. So for me, I was kind of forced into that situation of having to sit with myself in silence after my divorce. And I was forced to sit in that silence for weeks on end. Not like multiple weeks, but like a week at a time. Or days on end at first, and then it turned into a week at a time.
Fulfilled Father (41:53.575)
Thank you.
Fulfilled Father (42:04.364)
Yeah.
Fulfilled Father (42:16.602)
Yeah.
Jey (42:22.136)
to just be by myself, with myself, well of course my dogs were there, but outside of that it was just me and... So that was... Trust me, you don't want to have to talk to yourself. You don't want to have to have a one-on-one with that guy in the mirror because it sucks. But at the same time, you almost need to. You have to be able to ask yourself why.
You have to be able to question your own emotions, question your own thoughts, question where these things are coming from, question where the negative self-talk is coming from, question to where you are struggling. Why are you struggling in this area? Why is the silence uncomfortable? Why is it so hard to do? Why is it, why am I struggling here? And be able to question those things and self-evaluate and have that self-evaluation conversation because you, until you have that self-evaluation conversation.
There's no chance that you can even get close to the four pillars that we've got your four pillars that we've been talking about, you know, being hungry, being humble, uh, being loving and being deliberate. There's no chance you can even get close to those until you have that self-evaluation conversation until you know where you're struggling to where you know, what areas like, am I not being deliberate in what areas am I not being loving in what areas am I not being humble in what areas am I not hungry in?
Fulfilled Father (43:34.619)
Yeah.
Jey (43:44.082)
And then wrapping that back, you can also, while you're doing that self-evaluation conversation, you can go back through and say, okay, well, these are the areas. You find that balance. You're like, okay, well, these are the areas I'm doing good in this area. These are the places I'm doing good here, and here. Those are the places where you're going to want to lean in because you want to lean into your strengths. You don't want to get so bogged down in everything that you need to change.
Because if you get bogged down in everything you need to change, you're going to change even less. And the things that you are good at are now going to become things you're not good at. And now you're going to have more things to change and work on because you just did the opposite because you chose to do, you were deliberate about the wrong things. It was like you said, that unorganized deliberate because you're being deliberate about the wrong things because it all kind of goes back to the very, very beginning of what we were talking about, knowing your core values, knowing exactly where you're at right now, and then being willing to meet yourself.
Fulfilled Father (44:12.837)
Yeah.
Fulfilled Father (44:34.177)
Yeah.
Jey (44:37.67)
exactly where you're at right now with what you're good at, what you're not good at, being able to lean into what you are doing really well already to push yourself to that next level, which does again come back to that pillar of being hungry.
Fulfilled Father (44:53.468)
Yeah, well, and part of that too is being loving. That's not just all this love for everybody else. Part of that is loving yourself. You've got to...
Jey (44:56.843)
and then.
Jey (45:01.76)
Mm-hmm.
Fulfilled Father (45:05.011)
you can feel overwhelmed. Like if you start taking inventory, like this, when I say taking inventory, this is not just to beat up on yourself and start this nasty, you know, downward spiral where you just feel like I'm never going to measure up. I'm never good enough. You know, like that's not the goal, right? The goal is, you know, be objective, but give yourself credit for your strengths, you know, give yourself credit. Like you are doing better than you probably think you are. Like we're always our own worst critic, right?
But give yourself credit, like part of taking a step back and taking inventory and being objective is, not just focusing on all the stuff you need to change. You're actually right, like also recognize where you've got strengths and where you're doing it well, and give yourself credit for that. And to your point, lean in on those, like those are strengths that I have. Maybe it's a desire, maybe it's...
just a talent that you have and lean in on those. But I think that the second part of, that process of taking inventory or self inventory, reflecting, it's gonna look different for each of us. For me, that is, one of the best ways I have is getting out in nature. And that's like, that might be going on a hike by myself. Another one is kind of sacred time for me is early morning exercise, lifting.
of, hey, like, just time to reflect and, you know, start out the day with just me, focusing on me. But it's going to look different for each of you. And each of us have to find that. And like, maybe that is like, hey, hot shower without interruption of me just being able to kind of take inventory, or maybe it's turning off all the radios and the music and it's time in the car. But
Each of us have to find that time where we can spend with ourselves to figure it out in a loving, objective way, right? Like, we're not settling, we're being hungry, but we're also not just going to be unloving to ourselves and beat ourselves up so bad that it's just a downward spiral. Because that's just, that's not going to be healthy either.
Jey (47:22.162)
100% and it's not sustainable at that point either and it's so much worse, but you have to also take care of yourself You have to take care of you know, your body You have to take care of your body taking care of your body is taking care of your mind You have to take care of your mind body and spirit, you know Those things all coincide for each with each other for a reason So you have to take care of all three of them you have to care of yourself You have to take care of your diet You have to take care of yourself so that you can take care of all these things that are in
Fulfilled Father (47:24.65)
Thank you.
Fulfilled Father (47:37.093)
Yeah.
Jey (47:52.196)
you to be able to push yourself and to make those sustained changes in your life. You have to find the time to do that. You have to make the time. Not only do you have to find the time because I guarantee you pull up your screen time report right now I guarantee you I can tell you how many hours of time you have and it's as simple as that. There's your time. It's literally on a report on your phone on your home screen. There's your time. Seven days a week.
Fulfilled Father (48:09.986)
Yeah.
Fulfilled Father (48:21.24)
Yeah.
Jey (48:21.75)
that you have, let's re-utilize that time and put it into your kids, to your wife. You're telling me that 10 minutes of that time can't be used just to sit down and talk to your spouse, partner. You're really telling me 10 minutes of that time every day can't be used for that. And then you want to tell me another 10 minutes of that time can't be used for you just to go outside and go on a little walk, get some fresh air, some red light from the sun, some UV rays, whatever, some vitamin D. You're telling me 10 minutes of that time can't be used. You're telling me you don't have that 20 minutes?
Fulfilled Father (48:48.773)
Yep.
Jey (48:51.51)
You really tell me you have the 20 minutes. Maybe you legitimately don't have a whole hour to go and do a workout at the gym and the whole thing. Like when I go to the gym, I go for like an hour and a half to two hours because I, you know, I like to get some cardio in for a half hour. I like to do some. I like to get three to 400 reps in between different machines for my body, for lifting. And then I like to go in the cold plunge for a few minutes. And then I like to go to the sauna for 25, 20, 25 minutes.
you know, and then I got a shower. So by the time I'm all done with that, it's about an hour and a half, hour 45 minutes. Maybe you don't have that time. How I have that time, I have no idea. I have no clue. Because I can use childcare at the gym for up to two hours. So, and, you know, it looks different for every single person out there. But if you tell me you don't have 15 to 20 minutes a day to spend talking to your wife and to go outside and go on a walk or something, or to do something, or to make...
you know, you don't have 20 minutes to actually make a meal that's going to be healthier and more nutritious than you go out to eat for the eighth time this week. I'm going to call some BS because you have the time, you're not making the time, you're not utilizing the time the right way. And it again comes back to making that choice. So are you going to do it? You have the time, the opportunity, and you know how to do it, and you know where you need to start. If you've already had that kind of self-evaluation.
Fulfilled Father (49:57.008)
Yeah.
Jey (50:16.694)
you've taken that inventory, you know where to start. For me, it was like I personally been struggling for months now at the time of this recording with a lat injury in my back. And so that really kind of halted the progress I was making at the gym, made me take some time off, and I've had to struggle getting back into it consistently. And then everyone knows with injury usually comes some changes in diet and routine.
And so that was a struggle on top of that. And then now trying to get back into it, it's a struggle. But also with that came like a lack of like desire to like be, to do more creative things to where I ended up taking November and December off from podcasting altogether. And I just didn't pocket, granted it was the holidays. Um, and my fiance's and I first holidays together. So of course I did that. Uh, and I had a kid birthday in there. So it was a whole thing, but like.
It was kind of hard to get back into it at the beginning of the year and to find that creative outlet to now where I have to choose to be more intentional in a way where I am doing a journal at this time of the recording. I'm two or three days into the journal. I'm just becoming more intentional. I'm putting it on my blog, on my website, because I know that will help me be more accountable for it to put those thoughts out there. And I'm not doing anything crazy in that. I'm not sitting down and writing.
Fulfilled Father (51:32.902)
Yeah.
Jey (51:42.242)
15, 2000 words, going 10 minutes. Whatever comes to me in those 10 minutes, even if it's just a few sentences, that's perfect. That's more than enough. It doesn't have to be something long, drawn out, plotted and perfect and beautiful and makes sense, because it makes sense to me. That's what matters. It makes sense because that's my inventory. That's what my accountability looks like for myself. On top of that, before that, there's some prayer and I'm doing that journal.
Fulfilled Father (51:54.399)
Yeah.
Fulfilled Father (52:01.544)
Yeah.
Jey (52:09.634)
For me, I'm doing that journal in silence, in a dark room, just the screens and a candle lit next to me. That's it. Like that's the level I'm doing it at, for that silence. No headphones, no music. I really want some noise. I really, really want some noise. So.
Fulfilled Father (52:19.347)
Yeah.
Fulfilled Father (52:26.923)
Most of us do. Yeah. Yeah, no, I think you're spot on. And I love the part of, I thank you for being vulnerable a little bit too, because, you know, I think I'm sure there's dads that, you know, might be hearing this, like, yeah, you guys just have it all figured out, like you, like, you're just a different breed. You know, I don't want to compare myself to you guys, like, we're, we're dads trying to figure this out, right. And we're not always going to get it right, you know, so, you know, for you, you know, again,
reflecting back of, yeah, I had some stuff that set me backwards for a couple months, but you took the time to take inventory and again, to kind of reset and be deliberate, right? Be hungry, not just settling, and then just keep moving forward. And the piece is, you know, at the end of the day, are you making progress forward? You know, because like, you can't just stay still, you're either moving forward or backwards. Like it just
It just is the way that, you know, that's just the way it is. And so as long as you're continually giving that effort to make progress forward, that's, that's the plan. Right. And I think there's, you know, maybe there's, um, some dads out there, um, that are, are listening to this and just like, I, like, I don't even know where to start, excuse me, and maybe that's a, you know, a new dad or a dad with.
You know, his wife is expecting right now with his first child, and he's scared to death of like, how am I going to do this? I don't feel ready to be a dad to maybe it's a dad that, Hey, my kids are all out of the house now. Like I'm we're empty nesters. Like I'm trying to figure this out with my wife. We've kind of lived our own separate lives for the last 20 years. And now it's just us at home and like, it's not working well. Like, you know, and, and anybody in that stage, you know, or any of those stages, you know, from one ex.
or spectrum to the other might be saying, you know, where do I start? And my suggestion, my tip would be, you know, first and foremost, like spend some time alone and make sure you're really clear on what those core values are. And because once you've identified what your core values are, it's easier to just always default back to that.
Fulfilled Father (54:41.487)
Like any questions, any decisions, any time that conversation in your head of like, well, should I do this or should I do that? Well, my core values would say that I need to do this. It's like, okay, well, then even though I may not feel like it, if that's the person I am desiring, you know, to become or to be, then that's where my actions are aligned, right? And, and you start getting your, your whole mind and body trained and aligned with that, but if you don't know what those core values are, you don't know where you stand.
Yeah, you're just going to get pushed around like a leaf in the wind every single time because you don't have that, you know, that rock to hold to. So, you know, I would really say, Jay, yeah, if, if you're not sure where to start, figure out your core values. And this, like, it took me a long time. I remember I spent like a month kind of nailing it down and then it was still a process over a year or two of.
refining that and becoming more clear on what that meant for me. Um, and it, you know, was, was something that I reflected on and spent time on. Um, but it's made it so much easier to navigate, um, my actions, my behavior, where I spend my time, my energy. And really what it's kind of come down to is me coming up with, um, these four values. Like this, this framework, these foundations, those are my values.
And it works really well for me. And it might mean something different for somebody else, but you know, my values is, is being humble, being hungry, being deliberate and being loving. Um, and that resonates in all aspects of my life and how I operate as a person. Um, and it's provided me with just immense fulfillment and joy as a husband and father with relationships that, um, I, I wish everybody could
could have an experience what I have with their own personal family relationships, because I feel so blessed and so grateful.
Jey (56:40.446)
100%, 100% all that. And that's so important, because the part of it that I'm here trying to do on my platform is just trying to share all these different recipes, all these different recipes to success. Maybe you find the recipe by scrolling through the catalog of episodes. By the time this comes out, there'll be over 100 episodes. And you'll be able to scroll back and look through just the catalog.
maybe a topic will stand out, maybe a title will stand out, maybe a summary description will stand out or whatever. Maybe the algorithm will do its thing the right way instead of in a negative way to put this across a you know a real screen or a short screen or tick-tock feed or whatever it is so that it finds the right person because that's what the hope and desire is.
to for everyone, for every dad out there to have this sense of fulfillment, to have that sense of love and joy and to be able to want and continue to be the best and to ultimately know they're not alone. There's all, we're all struggling with something different along the same, but we're all also trying to struggle in silence. Let's stop struggling in silence. There's no point. That doesn't help any of us. That's hurting your kids. That's hurting you. That's hurting your spouse. If you're just struggling in silence.
Speak up, talk out, communicate, hit my DMs, hit Brady's DMs, hit any of my guest DMs that I've ever had on the show. You know, it's over a hundred different people that you can reach out to, that you can reach out to and talk to at any time at any point. Reach out to your best friend from elementary school that you haven't talked to in three years. So what? It doesn't matter. Reach out. If you're struggling, reach out. Stop struggling in silence.
so that you can start finding the right sauce for your steak to be dipped in. I don't know. But yeah, so with that, Brady, you kind of hit on the very first question of the YDP-3, which is where you're rooted. You kind of mentioned those core values that make up who you are and the innermost workings that you. So I'm going to give you a pass on the first one, since we've kind of answered that one already. So you get a YDP-2 today.
Fulfilled Father (58:57.871)
Yeah.
Fulfilled Father (59:03.075)
Okay.
Jey (59:04.994)
So the YDP-3 is usually three questions. The first one is where are you rooted? What makes up who you are? You've mentioned being hungry, being loving, being deliberate and being humble. That's one I missed. That makes up who you are. Second question here is what grounds you when you're feeling all stressy and depressy and kind of, I guess, kind of out of whack, out of sync.
Fulfilled Father (59:20.475)
Yep.
Fulfilled Father (59:27.935)
Mmm.
Jey (59:35.094)
What brings you back? What kind of... Some of those things that immediately bring you back to earth, back into reality.
Fulfilled Father (59:36.559)
Yeah.
Fulfilled Father (59:43.871)
I think the first part for me is it's the little things. It's the daily systems and process. It sounds really silly, but I know if I consistently am waking up at 5.30 in the morning and exercising for half hour to an hour.
getting some meditation in and for me, personal scripture study in to start my day, everything goes much more smoothly. So when I get in a funk or I'm having problems, I take a look at my routine and for me, 95% of the time, I've gotten out of kind of that routine of getting to bed at a good time and then waking up in the morning and doing my routine of taking care of myself first.
so that I can then tackle the day and taking care of everything else. Um, I've, I've just kind of found that process, that system keeps me grounded and helps keep me in a healthy spot. And most of the time, if I get out of whack, it's, I noticed that I'm not doing my routine.
Jey (01:01:00.13)
I can echo that and just to add on to that it's okay to prioritize you as a dad. We touched on it, we didn't go deep into it but you have to fill your cup before you can fill any other cup.
Fulfilled Father (01:01:08.666)
Yeah.
Thank you.
Jey (01:01:13.958)
And so making sure you take care of you, prioritize you. If that means like for Brady, I'm a lot like you, where I have to wake up at five, 5.30 in the morning to do these things, to sit down in journal, to sit down and meditate or read or, you know, dive into scripture or whatever it is. Like I have to wake up at that five, 5.30 time to be able to do those things on a regular week or to work out, I have to sacrifice like going at night or.
you know, pushing, moving things around or shifting my schedule to make sure I do those things for myself. So it's super important and it's okay. Like there's this weird, and I won't, we don't have to get too much into it, but there's this, there's a stigma like, oh well you're a dad, you need to put yourself dead last on the list. If you're not putting yourself dead last on the list, you're wrong. You're wrong for that. And that's not what you're supposed to do.
Fulfilled Father (01:02:05.149)
Yeah, you're not gonna be able to lift. Yeah, you're not gonna be that strong, supportive husband and father you wanna be if you're not taking care of yourself. Like, you just can't.
Jey (01:02:17.38)
No. All right. So last, the third question.
Fulfilled Father (01:02:18.691)
Yep. And I'm the same way. I was just gonna say, I'm the same way. If I don't get up and do it first thing in the morning, it's not happening. But the hard part is, yeah, that also means I have to be getting to bed by 10.30 at the latest. Otherwise, I'm not, again, taking care of myself and I'm not getting enough sleep. So it might look a little bit differently for everybody. Maybe somebody's wanting to do that and it's better at night, but figure out what works for you.
Jey (01:02:45.975)
Mm-hmm.
Fulfilled Father (01:02:46.383)
But make sure that you prioritize that time to take care of you.
Jey (01:02:52.714)
True, 100%. All right, the last one of the YDP3 here is, so I'm gonna set the scene. We're gonna say we're at a park, right? You're hanging out, you're playing with your kids, you look happy and joyful. I'm also at the same park. We don't know each other. And I'm sitting at the park, I'm with my kids, and we make eye contact, you know, classic Hallmark movie moment. We make that eye contact.
Fulfilled Father (01:03:17.532)
Hahaha!
Jey (01:03:17.642)
And I see you, you're happy, you're smiling, you're wearing your fulfilled father merch, you look great, happy, joyful, all the things. You look over at me and I look bad. I look rough, I look sad, I look depressed, I look down, the bags are halfway down my cheeks, I look tired, I look worn out, beat up, beaten down, all the things. I'm just low vibes across the board.
Every category. We make eye contact. I see you. I start to walk over to you. I sit down next to you on the bench and I start talking to you. I'm like, look, man, I don't know you. You don't know me, but I have never felt lower. You look happy and joyful and you look like you got it together. What is your secret sauce? In that moment, you get to tell me one, maybe one and a half pieces of advice to try to bring me out of that just a little bit.
Fulfilled Father (01:03:59.26)
Mm-hmm.
Fulfilled Father (01:04:11.107)
Yeah. Um, I mean, this might be shameful. My first day was like, Hey, let me tell you about this, this website I have to help, to help give you tips and tricks and help you in this path. But, um, I think on the first step, um, I would be, I would ask and listen for, you know, first and foremost, you know, I would say like, Hey, tell me how it's going. Tell me how you feel.
Jey (01:04:20.056)
Ha!
Fulfilled Father (01:04:41.411)
Um, and I say that because my guess in that minute is I'm going to hear feelings of just being overwhelmed and inadequate. And like, I'm not measuring up and I don't, I don't feel loved. And I feel like I'm not doing a great job of loving. Like I know I'm supposed to be here at the park because like, that's what I'm supposed to do. I'm, I'm trying to check off the boxes. Um, and my next, you know, my next comment would probably be is like, you know, first and foremost, like.
it doesn't have to be that way. And you can change that. And you can have what I have. This isn't exclusive. This is not like, hey, only the cool kids get to be in this club of fulfilled fathers. But there is a framework. And maybe for that dad, with him sharing and expressing everything, maybe he's not taking care of himself. Maybe he...
is just at a low and he's trying, right? But life has hit him hard and he's trying to work through some stuff and some struggles. But I think, you know, I would wanna listen. And then the next piece is I'd wanna give him some hope and some encouragement and then make myself available to try and help or point them towards resources to assist him. And part of that, like giving hope is like, dude, I guarantee you, you're doing better than you think you are.
Like, you know, if I look over and his kids are out, I was like, dude, look at it. Like you may not be in this, but your kids are in this. Your kids are like loving it. They're excited. They're here. They're glad that, you know, you brought them here. And so like all those feelings you might be feeling, um, you know, maybe some of them are, you know, pricks in your heart of that you need to make some change. And maybe some of it is just you being really, really hard on yourself and it's not justified. Um, you know, but.
The reality of it is like, I think all of us have had some of those lows at different points. And sometimes we need somebody to help pull us out of it. And I think there's a massive supportive ecosystem that is growing on social media platforms and across the internet to help support that because it really can be amazing. Like it can be.
Jey (01:07:06.878)
True 100% well Brady. Thank you for your time. Thank you for all your wisdom and insight and the conversation today It goes a long way. I really appreciate it. Give me one second. We'll pull something up here Go ahead and tell us a little bit about where the people can find you here is one of the places Where they can learn more about the field father, so go ahead and tell us a little bit more about it
Fulfilled Father (01:07:19.207)
Okay.
Fulfilled Father (01:07:26.105)
Yeah, sorry.
Yeah. So our website, fulfilled father.com. Um, you can follow us on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter. Um, we, uh, we're not as active on, on Tik TOK, but we're there as well. Um, it's at fulfilled father. Um, and then, uh, we've got video content coming out soon. Um, we're excited to continue to build this platform. We've got lots of blog posts, ideas, articles on activities or tips and tricks of, uh, what you're working on.
As you said, we've got some awesome merchandise and some gear to help you remind yourself that you want to be a fulfilled father and that that's an important piece for you. And appreciate the support. And obviously on any of the social media platforms around here, you're welcome to reach out to us, send us the DMs. We want to help. We want to help dads feel amazing and excited about being husbands and fathers.
getting the fulfillment they deserve.
Jey (01:08:34.166)
Definitely. Well, I appreciate your time, Brady. It's been super fun. It's been a great, great conversation. I'm gonna take that down. I appreciate it. And let's just hope and pray that this reaches its target audience.
Fulfilled Father (01:08:49.595)
Oh, I'm with you. I appreciate you inviting me on Jay. It's been a really good time.