Recently, listening to the Dad Vibes Podcast, an interesting conversation came up that I have dealt with and likely many other divorced dads who now co-parent when your ex has another child with someone else. First, you say, "Well, shit, that's happening." Then, you begin processing; what I mean by that is you go through all conversations you two had about having another child and realize that's not your life. Feeling jealous, hurt, upset, mad, sad, and angry is okay, especially within a few months of splitting after 5+ years of marriage/relationship.
There will be a part of you that might feel that that kid should be yours and hers. Well, man, I'm sorry, that's not the reality, and it's not going to be, so please take this as a massive sign from the universe to MOVE ON! I did, and it was honestly the best thing for me. I was personally struggling with a future without my ex-wife up until this point, but then that all changed. I decided to live my life, chase my dreams more diligently, work more intently, and care about myself and my girls more because attention is put on that baby, as happens with a new baby. I knew I would have to step up for my girls and be there for them in many ways.
I feel for men; we hold on, and we have a more challenging time letting go of someone and an idea, and a vision due to our natural inability to talk about trauma and emotional setbacks we have faced. We beat ourselves up when we fail, or a relationship fails, and we blame ourselves harder when that's likely, not true. However, the universe in this situation is giving you all the signals you need to move on, close the door behind you, and say peace out to that past version of you.
That door might now be closed; you might be upset, however, look up and realize that life is so beautiful. Your kids are beautiful; bring you joy; find the joy in the simplicity of loving them with your whole heart, might, mind, and strength and giving them all the love you can. Be everything you can because now you have a golden opportunity to do so.
While in this situation, you can teach your kids resentment or support, show their mom compassion and kindness, and talk to them about the baby and what life might look like. Prepare them for this sudden change on top of this other change they are going through and hold space for them. You can be a man, be open with your mates about your feelings away from the kids, while also helping them be excited to welcome a new sibling into their lives they are going to meet and show that despite the circumstances, you are happy and excited for them as your kids and be supportive. That's all it comes down to.
So, what will you decide to do, go on a rampage or let it go, take the sign from God and Universe to move on and let go? Cause I can tell you something so much better is coming for you. Trust me, even if it takes a couple of years. It's coming.
Prompt: What do you do when your ex has moved on and had another child with someone else?