Updated: Jul 21
Fill in the blanks
Everyone from time to time feels insecure, worthless, depressed, anxious, and like you, don’t sparkle like a diamond in perfect light. I want you to imagine having a friend, supervisor; family member ask you the simple phrase of “why?” “Why are you still doing ___?” “Why are you putting your f**k’s into that?” “Does ___ deserve your fucks?”
If you just filled in all those blanks way too quickly, then you might need to read this piece as much as I need to write it. Sometimes, we never know who or why we sit down and begin to write a piece. Often we think it’s going to be for someone, and we hope it touches that one person, but often it’s for ourselves. So ask anyone you know that writes, sings, song writes, or anything uber-creative why they do it. The answer may surprise you, and it could even surprise them.
Ask the question
When is the last time you asked someone you know the simple question of “why?” Let me ask you a straightforward question “what is your why?” Now, if you stopped and thought about that for a few minutes before continuing, that’s okay. If you weren’t able to figure out an answer, guess what that is okay too. If you had an instant answer, then that’s amazing, and I am proud of you no matter what category you may fit into. Your why doesn’t have to be something elaborate, extensive, and that’s going to impress other people. The only person who has to matter is you, the only person who needs to believe in YOUR why is YOU! Don’t let others dictate YOUR why; it’s for you and only you.
Do you get up every day to live your why? If you just answered no to that question, let me ask you...why? I think I have one of the many answers to this question; because you and I are at war with our minds. We are fighting the battle of our lives between the demons that tell us we aren’t good enough, or that we are destined to be alone, that we don’t love ourselves. Those demons are loud; they possess our minds and fill them with anxiety, depression. Those same demons with their loud voices can also send tears to our ours in an instant and have us on our knees sobbing. Those same demons we are fighting can keep us up at night, wake us up in the middle of the night. These demons SUCK!
Now I know what you’re thinking, you’re thinking, thanks to a lot, man, you just got those demons acting up and those voices nice and loud in my head. Now you want me to fix that, don’t you? So sit down, because you might not love this next part, I am going to say. I can’t; it’s not my responsibility to fix why your demons are there. It’s not the people who helped create those demons; it’s not the voices in your head’s responsibility to just up and go. It’s all on you and me to wage a total world war on our minds to defeat the voices and the demons. It’s on us to take responsibility for the demons and the voices and figure out how we will battle them.
Worth it or not?
By this point, you’re probably thinking, “not another self-help wanna-be, pretending like he has all the answers.” Guess what; I don’t. Not even close would I consider myself and kind of self-help kind of writer. I promise we will come full circle, and I will get to the why behind the why. It’s going to be some why-ception. Stay with me now, ok? I want you to put yourself in a situation where someone just pushed your buttons, you were set off, and now you’re angry. Okay, do you kind of feel that now, the jaw may have gotten tight, felt some tension in your head, pictured a face you might want to punch? That’s good; that’s what I wanted because now I am going to ask you a question “Why did you hold onto that anger and let it ruin your day?” Was it worth it? Now, I am going to shatter all the glass real quick with this next question “If you died tomorrow, was it worth being angry today?” *insert cartoon glass shattering sound*
When I start to feel that anger boiling like a tea kettle on high on the stove if I die on my way home today, are these negative emotions I am feeling worth it? I will tell you 9.9/10 times you ask yourself that question; the answer will be a big enormous NO. Then that .01/10 will change to a NO once you calm down a little bit.
Self-love and self-discipline
I want you to think again for me; I know I am putting you through an emotional roller coaster. I want you to think of someone who makes you happy or something that makes you smile and gives you all the happy endorphins and emotions. For me, that’s kickboxing and my two girls. I would say that about 90% of my f**k’s that I give daily are here, with 89% of them being the girls and 1% being my fitness, which plays a huge role. The last 10% of my f**k’s are split between some close friends, family, work, and writing, of course. However, within all those f**k’s, there are more than likely, okay, some things that don’t deserve the amount of f**k’s I am giving.
When we can take a step back and begin to assess where f**k’s are going when we ask ourselves, “why do I give a flying f**k about ___?” We begin the attack on the demons and the voices. We start to create self-discipline. We become more conscious of what we are doing, WHY we are doing it, and if it’s worth our precious f**k’s.
Then when we can question, ask why, and do those on-the-spot assessments, we begin to move towards self-love, and the demons and the voices HATE that because it’s their greatest weakness and kills them on contact. Self-discipline is self-love and vice-versa. These are the two greatest weapons we can use to take control of our minds.
It starts and ends with YOU.
Notice the word before discipline and love? If you don’t, it’s “self”. So why is the word “self” important? Now, scroll or swipe back up just a little, and you’ll see two words in bold. What are they? The answer is “You” and “Your.” Your mind, your problem. You can create your version of self-love and self-discipline. Your variation of two self-words is up to you. You create it, follow it, do what’s best for you, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. If you don’t know where to start and feel like you can’t, that’s ok. I know you can, and I know you will. Do it for YOUR why, do it for YOU and nobody else.
Let me tell you something, I love you, you are beautiful, and you are worth something. Now look in the mirror and tell yourself why you will live today and make the conscious sparkle. You are that pot of gold at the bottom of the rainbow. Lastly, remember it’s okay not to be OK, take your time, and remember it’s a marathon and not a sprint.
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