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Ep 100: Special Guest, Jeys Dad- Justin (Full Transcript)

Updated: Apr 1




Jey (00:08.166)

Settle down, settle down, settle down. Big shout out to our live in studio audience. I'm super excited for today's episode of the podcast. I'm your host Jay and welcome into another episode of the Young Dad podcast. I am super excited, because not only is this our 100th total episode, like between all the bonus content, mainstream content, but I get to podcast with my own dad, my own father, my own whatever he is to me, whatever you wanna call him.

My kids call him Pops. It's my dad, Justin. Dad, how you doing tonight?

Justin RK Dawson (00:43.334)

Oh hey, I'm doing fine. I'm Justin Dawson. I'm Jay's dad. Nice to see everybody here.

Jey (00:52.786)

It's a pleasure to have you. So let me give the audience the story real quick. I'm going to give them the story of us if I would make a Taylor Swift reference there. So Forest Gorman, many years ago, you met my biological mother. You guys did the thing. I was born nine months later and I went to live with my grandma Pat, which is my biological mom's mom.

You were still in the picture. I saw you occasionally grow, as far as I remember, I don't know how often it was really, but I saw you growing up. We lived in the South Seattle area. I lived with Grandma Pat. You lived, I think, somewhere closer, kind of-ish. I don't really know. You can fill in those details when it's your turn. Fast forward, growing up, I didn't really get to see you a lot after like age three, maybe four. At least I don't remember it.

Fast forward throughout my childhood, I'm always told that your dad's no good, he's not the best person, he's an addict and all these things. So the picture that was painted for me was really negative. And so then fast forward a few more years, I'm 13, 14 years old, I'm living in Hawaii with my maternal grandfather and step grandmother.

they encouraged me to reach out to you. There was something I didn't know that I obviously needed to know and I was pushed in that direction to do it. Full support, full of everything. So I reach out to you and I'm pretty sure I cussed you out in the first message on Facebook. If I remember, it was a ton of anger. It was a ton of despite, hate, everything. And then the rest of the picture was painted for me.

You came down to Hawaii because I mean what better excuse than to come to Hawaii than to see your son you haven't seen in 10 plus years. For all the reasons that I never knew, the reasons that I later found out growing up that I then had to have a conversation with my grandmother about was I was supposed to see you kind of like how a parenting plan works with holidays and vacations and trips and all those fun things saying that you...

Jey (03:19.438)

as long as you gave enough notice and gave a plan and provided the transportation to and from and all those details, the logistical stuff, it was supposed to happen. But it didn't happen because you were told that I didn't want to when I didn't even know it was an option or a thing that could happen. And so then fast forward, one day I get to see the court papers, what it was supposed to be my whole life. And then I go and visit you in Oakland.

I'm about 14, 15 years old. And then pretty much, as they say, the rest is history. After that, I was with you throughout high school, multiple different schools. You saw me off to college. You took me to college and you saw me through that really crucial stage in my development with being a teenager, becoming a man, really changing my lifestyle and my overall health and wellbeing, helping me heal and grow up and mature. Taught me how to drive.

taught me all these valuable life lessons, and you were just a great dad overall, looking back. You didn't hover. You pushed me to do all the things that I, if I said I was gonna do it, you said, well, you better do it then. If that's what you're committing to, then this is what you're committing to and you're gonna do it. Never really pushed me as long as I communicated with you, told you what was going on, told you where I was, who I was with. You never really had a problem.

I had a phone for a reason and that phone was to communicate with you. And from there, the rest is history. Now I'm almost 30. You have two grandkids. So that's a little bit about our story for the listeners that the people didn't know. So dad, any parts of that you want to fill in, speak to or anything like that.

Justin RK Dawson (05:04.586)

Uh, well, I don't know what gamma pat was telling you, but for one, I was, I mean, but for one, just to clarify, I was like never addict. I've never used any drug in my entire 50 years, just to clarify that unless you count like mushrooms or weed or alcohol, but I don't overindulge in that. But anyway, so, um, just want to clarify that. But yeah, so basically you're me and your mother had, we were never together. We had a six week, one night stand.

Jey (05:09.935)

Nothing.

Jey (05:17.808)

Mm-hmm.

No.

Justin RK Dawson (05:32.918)

We never argued, we never fought, it was never bad. We were always very respectful of each other. And then one day she kind of like was gone, which was fine, I didn't have really, I wasn't tripping so much. And then I had actually already moved to California when you were born. I had just moved to California maybe, I had just moved to Oakland maybe. You were born in April? I mean, maybe two weeks before.

Yeah, maybe two weeks before you were born, I moved to California. And so I had came back to California to get some of my stuff. And then I got a call from... Who was it? I knew she was pregnant because my friends had told me, but I didn't really know anything because she just kind of left and went to LA. And then she... I don't know what she did there. And so then somebody called... I think, oh, I think your mom called me. She's like, hey.

I had just got to Seattle, it's like 21, and I already had another kid that was three years older than Jewel I had when I was like 18, like a month after my 18th birthday. So anyway, I get a call like, hey, Justin, your baby's here. I'm like, huh? They're like, yeah, you can come see him. I'm like, I just got back to Washington. Well, you should come see your baby. And so I said, all right. I went. They were living up on Beacon Hill or something. His mother was like, I think Jewel's like two weeks old. She's like,

Well, I already signed the rights over to my mother, so you can't do anything. I'm like, uh, okay. And so then I'm like, all right. And so then I went back to California and already had started a family. I had already started, I had gotten married. I had my stepson, which I raised since he was three months old or four months old or something. And him and Jewel are

months apart. So I'd already started three, yes. I already started my family with my wife and I had her son. And then my other daughter would come and visit us in the summertime. And then we ended up having eventually three more kids. But that's a whole other story. I don't want to get too sidetracked because we're talking about Julie. Baby Julie.

Jey (07:47.738)

Whatever. Anyways, fun fact about me and my stepbrother Joe is that my dad, for years, even to this very day, dad, is my birthday on the 16th or the 19th?

Justin RK Dawson (08:01.366)

It's on the 16th. It's on the 16th. It's on the 16th.

Jey (08:03.938)

Okay, you got it right this time, but for my entire team for more than half of my life, my brother's birthday is the 19th. Mine is the 16th. My dad's not the smartest chip off the old block, but he always got our birthdays mixed up. So I explicitly remember as I've been an adult getting calls on April 19th with from you or tech saying happy birthday.

and I'm like, my birthday was three days ago, but thank you, and you feel real bad for a second before just laughing it off.

Justin RK Dawson (08:39.138)

No, I don't. I'm like, yeah, well, at least I acknowledge it. So whatever. Yeah.

Jey (08:44.194)

Yeah, it's at least an acknowledge. It's better than nothing. Um, but no, so yeah, I, you know, that's the whole addict thing. That's what I was told. I never, obviously I knew better once I met you and live with you that wasn't true. So that kind of came all full circle, maybe five, six years ago with me and grandma Pat talking about it. And I just, I straight up asked her just really, really frankly, like, why, why was it like that?

Like what?

Justin RK Dawson (09:14.286)

Did you? Did you real quick? But did you know I used to work with your grandma pad at the grocery store when I was 14?

Jey (09:21.03)

Red Apple? That Red Apple, I loved that Red Apple growing up. I used to go in there all the time.

Justin RK Dawson (09:22.207)

Yeah.

Justin RK Dawson (09:25.57)

And no, but I mean, but I mean, but I work with your I worked with grandma Pat for like a year and that I didn't mean to cut you off, but I just want to finish my thought. But like, but like I've always worked like I've always worked. And so and I even worked with her. But anyway, she was just kind of I don't know. I don't really know what her issue well, I don't know what her issue was.

Jey (09:33.414)

You're good.

Jey (09:46.13)

I mean, I think some of it stems from kind of how she grew up in the household and the time when she grew up and whatnot. You know, she grew up in the 50s and the 60s. So she grew up post World War II, in, you know, post just into the segregation times and integration times in the world and in the country. So I think.

I don't think she'll ever admit it. She's definitely changed now, but knowing her and growing up with her, there was definitely, probably some of that rooted in race and color and things that shouldn't have mattered, but did matter to her because of just how she grew up and everything like that. But I had talked to her about it. I asked her, she said, she didn't really make any excuses. She owned up to all of it.

Justin RK Dawson (10:35.962)

Yeah.

Jey (10:44.678)

She's like, I really wish I would have done things different. And, you know, how'd you go with him and spend time with them? Like things, I think you would have been so much better off. And now she talks to so highly of you. You know, she talks so highly of you. She asks about you every time I talk to her, she's like, how's your dad? How is he doing? What's he up to? And just always is asking about you, talking about you. Same for my aunt Tanya. She actually, growing up, never said bad things about you. And I was thinking about it.

Justin RK Dawson (10:57.447)

Hehe

Jey (11:15.17)

a while back but now thinking about it again, she never really said anything like negative about you growing up. In fact, she always backed you like my entire like childhood whenever my grandma would start to say anything negative or not great about you. She would always correct her. She would always put a stop to it. And yeah, so that's just really interesting. So that's kind of our

Justin RK Dawson (11:35.85)

No, that was nice of you.

Jey (11:42.974)

our lineage story, the story that I'm going to tell the kids.

Justin RK Dawson (11:47.422)

I'm sorry.

Jey (11:49.626)

about their pops but for you, so you, my older sister, she's three years older than me, she turns 34 this year, I believe, she just posted, that's the only reason I'm thinking I remember this right now. I believe she turns 34 this year, 33, 34.

Justin RK Dawson (12:06.022)

No, no, it should be 32, 33, 33.

Jey (12:09.878)

33, okay. I just posted it was 30 something. So she's a few years older than me. She's four years older than me. I turned 29 this year. But when you were like 18 and had your first kid, what the heck went through your mind? Like you were young, fresh out of high school, working. I believe you were working in food at the time, right? Working in kitchens and stuff like that.

Justin RK Dawson (12:36.602)

Yeah, I mean, I was just kind of like, I didn't, I was just kind of, it didn't really phase me. I'm like, I'm having a baby, you know, and I was working and then, and then, I mean, like, we were actually together though, like me and Rashauna's mom, my older daughter, we were actually like together together, like we were like a couple, you know? So we were together and she was 14 when she got pregnant and I was 17.

there was a lot of family support with her mom and her grandmother because her grandmother Roshana's grandmother was 32 when she was a grandmother so it was like and then her grandma and then Roshana's great-grandmother was 60 they were all 16 years apart. So basically Roshana's mother was 15 or 16 when she had Roshana and Then she was 15 or 16. So they were we were all they're all like 15 years apart. But anyway, so she had a lot of family support Initially my mother had a complete like heart attack

And then she stepped up a bunch and then basically Roshanna's mother wasn't really ready to have a kid and we were kind of, I was kind of still, you know, player, player. And, you know, I wasn't really ready to have like one girlfriend. And so she got mad at me basically. And so she kind of got kind of fucked up in the head when that kind of happened. And then she went and she got another.

She was going to school and I don't know what happened, but basically, and I ended up with Rashauna full time. So it was just me and Rashauna at my mother's house for two years and her mother wasn't really in the picture. And then it was her grandmother helped and her great grandmother helped Willie May Duggan. She just died about a month ago. She was like 82 or 88. But anyway, so I had Rashauna. I just worked and my mother helped me and me and Rashauna just hung out. You know, it wasn't...

It was wasn't anything to me. It's just you have a kid and you take care of your kid and we had fun. And it's always cool to be like, I have a daughter, you know, so, you know, so it was just, it didn't faze me. Um, I actually was, but then what did happen that did affect me is that I actually had a full scholarship, not a full scholarship, but some partial scholarship, cause I was like a 4.0 student in high school, so I had a scholarship to Hampton university. And so basically I left. Um,

Justin RK Dawson (14:58.742)

Roshanna was born in July, a month after I graduated from high school and I was supposed to leave in August. So I basically, I left to college and I was like there a week and I'm like, I'm not college. I need to go kind of take care of my kid and work. So I stayed in college for a week on a scholarship and said, nah, I got to go. And it was a good college. I would have, I don't know what I would have been. I guess it would have mattered. It was like historical black college at Virginia, Hampton University. And then I stayed a week, came back and...

I was already kind of cooking and working in a restaurant, so I had my other little things I was doing. I would flip cars and I always had some little hustle going on and maybe two jobs or three jobs. And then when Roshanna was three, when I was 21, I had a really bad mental breakdown when I was like 20, 21 or 22. But I was kind of just in the streets too much. I had...

I had gotten shot when I was 18. I think when Roshana was about six months old, I got shot. But I was just kind of in the streets, you know? And then I just kind of got caught up and had a little breakdown and packed up and just kind of cut. I just left, came to Oakland and never looked back. And then my mother kind of took care of Roshana and my other – and her grandmother took care of Roshana.

Me and Roshana had a parenting plan, so she would come and visit every single summer on spring breaks, and we maintained a good relationship over the years. So that was her. Then, Jewel came when I was 21. I kind of found out about him after he was born, and then she's like, you know. After that, I was already married, so we actually went to court. And I legally, because his mother gave him his, well, his now legal name of Jewel.

when he was two and we did the DNA test. So he is actually mine, like, you know, like, the Mari, like, you are the father sort of shit, you know? But anyway, so we actually did the DNA test, but I kind of already knew I was just kind of dragged, I was trying to drag the child support out. I was just like, man, get some more time to pay or whatever, you know? So, and so I got the DNA test and then they, and then I, and then I was already married. I had my own apartment, I had a job and we had other kids. And so I tried to go.

Jey (17:07.875)

Oh

Justin RK Dawson (17:20.598)

back to Seattle and get them. And Grandma Pat just stonewalled me basically. She basically wouldn't participate. She participated, but she just stonewalled me. And the court was like, nah, he's been there for two years, so he can stay. And she goes, and then they're like, well, you can have your, like you go to the visits, and you have to do video calls and call them and write letters and visit them. And so I was doing all that. But then.

I think when he was about six or seven, because he was like three or four, he was like just born then. I think when he was, so I kept that up till you're about five. And then after that, I just kind of got busy with life and your grandmother Pat kept stone walling me. And then I knew where you were because I was paying the child support. And then when you were like seven or eight, you just disappeared off the face of the earth because she didn't want me to find you. So she took you off the child support, sent you to Hawaii without asking me or doing anything or if I even wanted to see you or anything and shipped off to Hawaii.

Jey (18:15.254)

No, I went to Hawaii when I was like 13. 12, 13.

Justin RK Dawson (18:21.542)

Yeah, well, okay. So maybe it was then. But yeah, so then they shipped you off and then we looked for you for... No, because we couldn't find you from the time that you were like nine until you were like 14 because my mother was looking for you and I was looking for you, but we didn't have your address. Yeah, I mean, because what happened is she took you off child support so I couldn't find you. That's just, she was just that person, you know? And so then, yeah, I mean, and so then I tried to

Jey (18:35.061)

Okay, that makes sense.

Jey (18:45.202)

Okay, no, that makes sense.

Justin RK Dawson (18:51.038)

I changed your legal name back to Dawson because I'm Justin Dawson and he's not Jule Dawson or J-Dawson or whatever the fuck it is. Then we found each other on Facebook and this motherfucker tried to get attitude with me, get all huffy puffy. Blah, blah, blah. I'm like, look, motherfucker, you don't know nothing. Like dude, like I'm like, you're fucking out of your mind. So I fucking wrote him a letter. I don't know if he remembers the letter.

And then I sent him the court papers so we can kind of see that I wasn't lying because he thought I was just full of shit. So I sent him the court papers. I wrote him a really long letter and then he came with me was 14 and then he like basically didn't come back and oh boy, they were pissed. You can't do this. You can't just take them on. They were just going on and on and on and on and on. And I'm like, dude, don't even talk to me. Like, why are you even talking to me?

Jey (19:24.692)

Yup.

Jey (19:41.119)

Oh yeah.

Justin RK Dawson (19:45.942)

Like, you can't talk to me. Like, he's 14, he can make a decision. Don't even tell me nothing, you know? And then she would, and then they were, well, they could never tell me nothing anyway, because anyway, that's why they stopped talking to me, because I wouldn't listen to them. And then he came and then he stayed and then he was like a Mormon. So I used to take him to like the Mormon Bible school at six o'clock in the morning, which is five days a week, which was cool. I'm so anti-religious. You know, a fucking.

Jey (19:51.255)

That's true.

Justin RK Dawson (20:14.122)

Jay did to me this one time, this motherfucker, I kept telling him, like, dude, I'm not religious, I don't want to be religious, I'm never going to be religious, I hate church, I'm not going to church, it's not that I don't believe in God, I just think organized religion is bullshit, and I still feel the same way. So but I'm not, I mean, but I'm not, I'm not judgmental of anybody's beliefs or who they want to believe or what they want to believe has really got nothing to do with me in hell. If it makes them happy, then who am I to say, you know?

Jey (20:27.366)

Very true.

Justin RK Dawson (20:38.674)

So basically, and then Jewel tried to fucking like convert me to Mormonism with this little chick from the Mormon temple. And then she finally left and I was polite. And then I said, motherfucker, don't ever try to do that again, man. Like ever, ever.

Jey (20:49.51)

Ha ha.

Jey (20:54.842)

So that makes sense. Kind of the, so I'm gonna go from a recap that. So that time that makes a lot of sense. Cause I remember we were living South Seattle, like I don't even remember where, but it wasn't our house in Berrien. And then we moved to the house in Berrien cause I started going to Head Start in Berrien. So that makes sense if it was around like age four and five. Cause I started going to the Head Start in Berrien.

And that's like when my memory is like, that's like the point I remember from forward. I don't remember anything before that really. Um, I remember one time, cause I, I don't know how I remember this, but I, Roshana was there. I was there. I don't think Josh was born yet, but Robert was there and he was, he was little. Uh, cause Robert was born in 99, 98.

Justin RK Dawson (21:42.089)

Mm-hmm, yeah. Yeah.

Justin RK Dawson (21:47.978)

98 I think he was born 98. Yeah

Jey (21:50.146)

98 so he's yeah, he's three years younger than me. So I had to be six because this dude was walking and talking and We were at a park somewhere in Seattle. I want to say we were kind of down by the zoo area somewhere that I think we had gone to the zoo or going to the zoo, but you taking us to a park first and I Remember Robert was in the tunnel Talking about his little wee

Justin RK Dawson (22:09.015)

Yeah, man.

Jey (22:17.87)

I don't remember, I don't know why I remember this so clearly, but Roshanna and I were just like, what the heck is wrong with you? Roshanna almost, I think Roshanna hit him, made him start crying. And then I got in trouble for hitting him because Roshanna reached over me and hit him. And so he thought I hit him. So then I got in trouble. And then Joseph just there. And I'm just like, I don't even know you guys. I thought I was just going to the zoo kind of thing. But then no, you're right. Contact just stopped after that.

Justin RK Dawson (22:33.988)

I'm sorry.

Justin RK Dawson (22:41.87)

I'm not sure if I'm gonna be able to do this.

Jey (22:47.93)

I don't remember no calls, no letters, no nothing after that visit.

Justin RK Dawson (22:53.268)

No, no, she literally just stonewalled me. She fucking stonewalled me.

Jey (22:57.29)

Yeah, I don't remember nothing. That's why that's when all the negative like Talks like I remember it being in that time period between like six and twelve Um after that visit I had to be like five or six years old because robert was like two or three um And so after that we lived in berian because I lived in berian all the way From kindergarten all the way up through fifth grade We lived there in berian

At the Second Avenue house sixth grade. We moved to Mill Creek. We moved closer to Tanya. So we moved to North Seattle Again I don't again still not talking to you. We're living close to Tanya All these things go to school for a year No all the way up through until seventh grade we move while I go when I go into seventh grade and I'm going to seventh grade there and the seventh grade

everything happens I get sent off to Hawaii and then I'm in Hawaii and then I don't remember what the letter said I don't even know if I still have it I don't even know if I still have the court papers or whatever happened to them they maybe got lost they could be in a box somewhere I don't know I'd have to do a lot of digging for them but no I remember that I remember the court papers and then it was like holy shit what my life like the glass was shattered

Like my glass, my perception of everything was just absolutely shattered after that. It was crazy. But let's fast forward from my childhood into my adult life. I want to talk about when I told you that you were going to be a grandfather. Do you remember your reaction?

Justin RK Dawson (24:48.962)

Probably something super sarcastic or crass or something in a borderline inappropriate. I don't know what, what I say.

Jey (24:57.062)

I remember it clearly. I remember telling you, hey, you're going to be a grandpa. I texted you. You called me saying, what the fuck is wrong with you? I told you not to fucking get her pregnant. I told you not to have no fucking kids. All this shit. Six months later. And this is actually one of my like great memories that I have, like with us as an adult, as I remember you coming to Idaho where we live because we lived in Pocatello.

We went to Fred Meyers and you actually bought the crib for my oldest kid. I don't say the kids names on the air, but you bought a crib for her when she was born. Before she was born. I remember us putting it together and we effed up on that thing like three different times. We put things on. No, no, false, false. It's not like you're a contractor or anything. I probably should have been listening to you.

Justin RK Dawson (25:43.326)

Well, that was your fault. That was that was that was that was your fault.

Jey (25:54.782)

I probably should have, but no. So now, and then, you know, I got to put that again, together again. I did it by myself when we were in Arizona and when our second one was born and that fun stuff. But what I'm getting at is from this is when I took it down when the youngest was out of a crib and when she was done in transition to a big girl dead, a bed, I remember just, I was taking it apart and I was like,

dang this crib holds so many like memories. Like I, and it just flooded me all the way back through the last however many years it was at that point. You being there, your reaction, everything. But yeah, that's what you said to me when you found out you were gonna be a grandpa. And that you also were mad at me later, maybe not mad, but you also were, you also had some words, cause I turned 22.

when my oldest was born after she was born so I effed up because your mother my grandmother grandma Karen her actual name is Karen so and she lives up to it all the hype you and Karen are exactly 21 years apart and then you and me are 21 years apart and I effed it up and me and my oldest and

Justin RK Dawson (27:06.86)

Yeah.

Jey (27:23.514)

then it's at 22. So I effed it up by three months kind of thing. So those are the two things I remember from when I told you were gonna be a grandpa. And then fast forward from there, one thing I wanna talk about, if you're open to it, few years later, my younger brother, your son passes away. And...

Justin RK Dawson (27:27.807)

Yeah. Yeah, you screwed it all up. You screwed it all up.

Jey (27:52.042)

If you want to talk about it, we can. We don't have to. But that was kind of a big moment in everyone's life. I remember coming down to California. I stayed at the One House. I don't remember where the shop was. One thing I explicitly remember from that trip outside of the services and everything was...

A classic you moment that was the classic even from growing up as a teenager. One thing that you taught me that I take with me that I even try to instill into the girls now is we were walking back home from the little chicken spot. We had some leftovers. Someone approached us, asked us for like food or money and you were like, give me your food, give me your food, give me your food. Just not even a second thought about it.

And that's kind of how you've always been. And one of those great lessons that you've always taught me is to give when you can give. If it's just leftovers, give it to someone because those are just going to be your leftovers, but that's someone's next meal that maybe they haven't ate for days or something. And you always instilled that in all of us and taught us to, to give more than we, um, give more than we take, or at least try our best to. And.

You know, that's one thing I always try to instill into the girls. Now at their ages, interacting with other kids, go up to the kid on the playground and. Talk to the kid that's just playing by themselves. Ask them to play with you and join in. Go and talk to the, to the special needs kid. That's that I can recognize as adult special needs. You have no idea. Go and invite them to play with you. Go and do that thing or go and do that thing. Go out of your way for that other person. Uh, so for you.

Justin RK Dawson (29:40.974)

Thank you.

Jey (29:47.706)

Where did some of these values come from for you? And what was some of the other things that you tried to instill in us as we were growing up?

Justin RK Dawson (29:52.526)

Thank you.

Justin RK Dawson (30:04.332)

the

Justin RK Dawson (30:26.574)

I'll bring it back in. You can come grab the other one if you want to. Let me just plop out the charger. Sorry guys, I don't want to lose this magical moment. I'm trying to make sure I have enough juice.

Jey (30:38.478)

This magic moment Da da Dun Isn't that a song? That's a song, right?

Justin RK Dawson (30:46.636)

Yeah.

Jey (30:49.018)

I don't know how the song goes, but I know it's a song.

Justin RK Dawson (30:54.963)

Let me get this shit plugged in.

Justin RK Dawson (30:59.952)

I thought I had my good one, but apparently it was...

Jey (31:02.342)

So you can tell if you're listening to this, if you listen to previous podcasts, you can kind of see where my organizational skills didn't come from. I think they skipped a generation because my grandma Karen is actually pretty organized with all the crap I talk about her. She does have some few good qualities about her. So organization is one of them, but it skips my dad and comes to me. So

I got lucky in that regard.

Justin RK Dawson (31:33.002)

I'm not that poorly organized. I have my moments where I am. So, I mean, I don't know. I just kind of, I just kind of always been like, I don't know. I just never really. I just kind of, I think, well, now that I'm getting older, like I've had a very high sensitivity, high sensitivity to like other people, you know, like their feelings and how they are feeling that day or kind of where they're at in their head. And then it does.

It just like really affects me, you know? And so if somebody's feeling like really, really bad or really, really down, usually I'll try to ignore it at first cause it's not really my business, but in certain stances, I kind of do something to maybe make them feel a little bit better about whatever they're doing. If that makes any sense, you know? And like, I never really, I still don't like, and I like to have like stuff that I need, but I'm not really

I don't really care about money or being material or like I don't care about those type of things. I like to make money, but that's about the extent of it. It's just fun making money. So I've tried to get good at that just so I can take care of all the people around me. But I don't know. It's just always kind of how I've been. You know, I mean, you know, I mean, it's just I've always been that way. I think that kind of explains it.

Jey (33:00.078)

Definitely does. So what?

What are some things that we missed? Me and my siblings, what are some things that I maybe missed that I didn't get the full message of right away? Maybe it's taken me a couple extra years, but what were some of those things that I missed along the way that I didn't do great of when I was younger? I'm a little bit better now. And be kind.

Justin RK Dawson (33:29.823)

Common sense.

Jey (33:32.47)

Okay, my common sense.

Justin RK Dawson (33:37.014)

You missed all your young child pre-teenage common sense training. That just wasn't a part of it. No, because Grandma Pat and whatever the lady in Hawaii, they're just super like live in their own little sheltered world that doesn't really participate with everybody else's almost to a point of being antisocial. Especially your

Grandpa Ron, that motherfucker. Oh my God. Oh my God. Yeah, yeah, yes.

Jey (34:06.138)

Oh my, 2-2 Ron, oh my gosh. He is the best though at the same time. Remember when we were in the van in Hawaii? We were going up to back to the hotel. He was driving us in the big old brown van, all of us, driving us back and some tweaker runs across the road and Robert always remembered this. He always held on to it.

That was one of the best memories from that trip was he would go, Grandpa Ron yelled, CRACK HEAD!

Jey (34:41.922)

And then Robert for like a year after that, whenever he saw someone tweakin' when we were out and about, he would go, crack head!

But no, I think you're totally, no I don't think, I know you're totally right because I was raised an only child up until I came and lived with you, essentially. I had one friend.

Justin RK Dawson (35:03.358)

Yeah, so

Jey (35:26.151)

Facts.

Jey (35:32.363)

Mm-mm.

Justin RK Dawson (35:33.55)

I'm like, what do you mean? I'm telling you. And then, yeah, I mean, yeah, I mean, I mean, yeah. And then definitely the whole cultural aspect, because even though you're like white, you're like white passing, like you look white, you're not, no, you look white. But you're not actually like, but you're not actually like, so like you look white and you're culturally white, because that's what you grew up with.

Jey (35:36.718)

No, it was just reality. And like, I failed to realize it because I didn't, I didn't get to have that training.

Jey (35:51.566)

I'm mega light skinned.

Justin RK Dawson (36:03.286)

um, kind of missing that aspect of being around like other people that could have, um, enhanced your, uh, view of the world and other people in it, I guess, you know, and then, yeah. And then you hung around with all the Mormons and I won't even go there. I try not to, and I try not to talk about race or politics in general because I hint to it.

Jey (36:18.826)

100%, like that's super true.

Jey (36:25.818)

Yeah, let's not go into that one.

Jey (36:31.442)

Even I, even I, even I regret some of the, a lot of that.

Justin RK Dawson (36:33.426)

Yeah, I mean, yeah, I mean, yeah, yeah. I mean, like I hint to it, but definitely, I think you definitely missed out on maybe being with some people that look a little bit more like you, you know, I think you're definitely extremely whitewashed and that's okay. You know, that's fine. I mean, you can probably function in a good portion of society. I'm not saying that I'm not whitewashed either. Like I grew up around white kids until I was 13 years old. So

At least I understand them, if nothing else. Um, not like them, cause I know there are people, you know, like Okay.

Jey (37:09.874)

Anyways, anyways, let me touch on the whole culture thing. Let me touch on the whole culture thing because it's definitely something that's been like a work in progress since you know I was about 13-14 years old. You know I grew up I grew up white you know straight up. I barely even knew I was mixed for a very long time. I always thought I was white with a weird nose kind of thing and then

Justin RK Dawson (37:22.495)

Mm.

Jey (37:38.202)

I don't remember who it was that told me. I'm pretty sure it was my biological mother actually that she told me that I was mixed or something when I was some age in there. I don't remember when, but. And then even living when I lived in Hawaii, I was white and our family was mostly white. So we had a lot of privilege there. I'd already come from.

a stateside education, so I was already ahead educationally and had a lot of privilege that I failed to recognize. And then living in Oakland with a mixed family, like you're mixed, and then my stepmom's Latina, and so going to family outings and everything. And I'm this little white crackerjack Mormon, Mormon boy coming into the whole picture here.

And it was definitely the biggest culture shock probably of my entire life, more than going from Hawaii overnight. Like going and going to a an event with Norma's family where there's Spanish music playing, there's food I never heard of, there's all the different things. I was just like, I, this is so weird. And then possibly the very next day going with

Justin RK Dawson (38:35.754)

Hahahaha

Jey (38:58.702)

my African American side of the family that's there and having a barbecue or whatever with like Damon and the cousins and Cheryl and all the people was definitely even more weird because it's like what is this? Like is this like is this real life? And it was it was crazy but it was so it was so cool and then I think the biggest thing that played into my understanding of like culture and everything for myself when it all really changed.

was when I went to Baytech, when I was there, and I was the minority. I was hated on in 10th grade during black history when we got to slavery and that portion, where I received hate for really the first time in my life just because of how I looked. And I always remember that grade as like a big turning point, like, well, I'm not white, I'm also...

Justin RK Dawson (39:31.458)

Yo, yo.

Jey (39:57.594)

black and one of the jokes that I remember in that class, I want to say it was by my one of my friends back then, Akeem, he said, bro, you owned yourself.

Justin RK Dawson (40:11.288)

haha

Jey (40:14.422)

And so then from there, like getting to live with you for all those years and experience both sides of it while also trying to learn and navigate who I was. And stuff was really impactful to where I took on a whole new appreciation for culture and for all these things. Cause then when I got into school and learning about it and then going into like

Justin RK Dawson (40:16.13)

I'm sorry.

Jey (40:40.494)

my field now of mental health and psychology and having to learn about culturally diverse practices and then being married to a white woman, divorced from a white woman and now being with a Latina and her it's just like holy crap like this I missed this boat like one of my best friends in middle school was the like only black kid Damien he lived down around the corner from me he was super cool.

Jey (41:12.058)

So yeah, it was definitely a big turning point, like culturally for me to try to understand all that and to learn all that. And I definitely did miss it because growing up just by myself without siblings, without real like parental figures, really, definitely gave me its limitations. Growing up white, growing up in privilege, definitely I can admit it, I can see it fully for what it was. I grew up with a lot of privilege.

I was very privileged, I was very taken care of, but I didn't get a lot of social interaction. Like in elementary school, I had one friend, his name was Zed, he lived on the street. That was like the friend I did everything with. His family was white, but that was like the only friend I had. My real friend, Zed, he lived on the street. Zed short for Zedekiah. And then I remember like even like this is one thing that, see talking about it now, I remember when we lived in that Berian house behind us.

Justin RK Dawson (41:55.554)

Was that your imaginary friend or your real friend?

Jey (42:10.71)

At one point in time, this Latino family moved in, Hispanic Latino family moved in, and I was like, I think the girl went to school, we rode the same bus together and everything. But like, I remember just a lot of negativity coming from that, like, don't talk to them, like don't interact with them, like they're no good and all those things. That's why I mentioned the whole thing. Some of it was probably based on race to what I said earlier, because I was

kind of raised with that closed mind to set like, you know, that white privilege kind of mindset, white America kind of mindset, like this isn't who it's supposed to be, we're better, all those things. So it took a real time reality check in real time, at an age where I should have already known it, to really reset those bulbs a lot to set me up for a successful future. Now,

I really embrace all the different sides. And I told you a few months ago when I was out of training, I clapped back at some white woman who was going on and on about race. I told you about that, how I clapped her for talking about race. Like she was black, she was white, and how she understood it and everything. And I put her in check. So now I really get to appreciate all these different parts of me that make me who I am. And then also, my girls are an ape.

African American. And I don't remember what that's called. There's a name for it. Yeah. Right? You wanted to always call, when my oldest was born, you're like, I'm going to call her a little Rooney.

Justin RK Dawson (43:46.531)

Octoroon.

Justin RK Dawson (43:53.819)

Oh yeah, that's right. Carlos, get out of here.

Jey (43:56.358)

You're like, I'm gonna call them little Roonies. Um... But then like... You're good.

Justin RK Dawson (43:58.982)

I did say that. Hold on, Carlos is being super nosy, hold on.

Jey (44:06.182)

Carlos is my youngest brother, if you guys are worrying about this, wondering about it. He's, I don't actually know how old he is, I think he's like seven or eight. He's a little bit older than my, my oldest daughter, so it's one of those situations.

Justin RK Dawson (44:14.945)

Okay, okay. Okay, let me see. Game on.

Justin RK Dawson (44:21.002)

Stay there.

Justin RK Dawson (44:25.863)

Okay, he's not coming here. He doesn't want to turn his game off.

Jey (44:31.263)

Smart. But yeah, that whole culture piece, that was a huge one. The religious piece, we're not even going to touch on that. Let's just say I'm in a much better place now religiously and spiritually than I ever was before. I'm much happier, much more involved, much more content in my belief system with where I am now and where I attend church and where I practice and whatnot and how I practice.

Justin RK Dawson (44:32.787)

Yeah.

Jey (45:01.623)

I'm no longer affiliated with the LDS Church in any way shape or form. But yeah, so that's kind of the story. There is a lot there. Did you want to touch on anything about your relationship with your dad? Anything about Robert or anything like significant that to your story about who you are?

Justin RK Dawson (45:27.954)

Yeah, well, I mean, I sense we're talking about the whole dad thing. So my biology, my biology, biological died of, I think it was a drug overdose and he was 28 and I was like five. So I don't really, I remember him as more of like, um, not really a person, like a thing, you know, almost like a figment.

like a figment of the memory, not like a real person, because I was so little and my parents were already split up a few years after I was born. So I don't really.

Honestly, I don't remember. I got one memory of them, of them giving me, they had, as I was born in 73, so I don't remember when the original Godzilla came out, but I don't know if you wanna Google it while you're on your phone, but they had this Godzilla, like a two-foot-high Godzilla, and you would press the red button and his hand would come off. And so I remember them giving me that Godzilla where I pressed the red button and the hand would go off, and then he gave me a bike.

And then everything else is just pictures of me and him and that's really about it. And I was never really close to my dad's side of the family. I'm still not. I don't really talk to any of them. I don't really talk to anybody though. So that's kind of, it doesn't mean much of anything. The original gods, there's that green one down in the corner, that Maytel, that Maytel Godzilla in the corner, the lower left-hand corner. That's the one. Yeah. So I remember him giving me that.

Jey (47:02.904)

Okay.

Justin RK Dawson (47:06.958)

And then my mother got remarried, but my stepfather was like a Vietnam vet and like really fucked up in the head and he kind of was, let's just say he was my sister's father, you know? I never called him dad. I never really liked him. I used to talk shit to him. He used to beat me. He was a chronic alcoholic. Blah, blah, blah. He'd beat my mom. He'd beat me. He never beat my sister though.

Jey (47:21.985)

Yup.

Justin RK Dawson (47:35.87)

Like he would do shit like the one time, because he was just like a mean. I don't know if he was, now that he's older, he's still alive, he's not really mean, but he would do shit like, he would go, I think one time he bought my sister like this black and white, this black and white TV, and I'm like, oh wow, that's cool. He's like, this is for her, he'd give it to her, like make sure that, you know, fuck you sort of thing, you know? So that was my, so like that was my fatherly experience.

Jey (48:02.87)

Oh, sounds like a very positive one. Um, I remember Scotty, like, I think we all, like, we didn't, none of us really didn't like him. Um, I mean, I definitely, when he was older, he was cooler, but I think it was a lot of probably the same, like grandpa Ron was for a really long time. Coming back from Vietnam and serving over there, like grandpa Ron was pretty messed up. A lot of it stemmed from him, his experience in Vietnam. Uh,

Justin RK Dawson (48:05.143)

Hahahaha

Justin RK Dawson (48:30.911)

Yeah, that was, yeah, that's cut. He was like 18 when he got drafted from like a rural southern town with no education. He gets thrown into, you know, he would talk about like the killing the kids and like that shit.

Jey (48:46.066)

Oh, he would talk about- he still talked about that, even when I was a teenager.

Justin RK Dawson (48:51.982)

Scotty would.

Jey (48:53.086)

Yeah, he loved telling those stories. Like when I would go and spend the summers in Santa Cruz, like, he would tell me those stories. Um, Robert would always roast him for them.

Justin RK Dawson (49:03.317)

Robert would roast everybody.

Jey (49:05.374)

I know. Um, but yeah, Scotty was, is, was, I don't know, an interesting, interesting guy.

Justin RK Dawson (49:16.45)

But I mean, but you know, actually what happened though, what happened though is about, she must've been maybe 10 years ago. He's like, Justin, this was before Robert and everything. He's like, Justin. I said, yes, Scotty, cause I always harass him, you know? I'm like, yes, Scotty, how may I help you? You know, and he's like, Justin. You know, I'm really sorry the way I treated you. I'm like fucking 45 by now. And I'm like, and he's like, he's like, oh, I'm like really sorry the way I treated you when you were a kid. And

I just want to apologize and acknowledge it. And I'm like, thanks, Scotty. It took you 40 years. No, that's actually not what I said, but I'm like, okay, well, thanks. That's cool. I don't really, I'm not really tripping so much anymore. It's just kind of whatever now, you know? Yeah, yeah, like thanks for the travel, but you saying you're sorry 45 years later is gonna change everything. I'm just like, yeah. Yeah, so I'm like, all right, cool, man, whatever.

Jey (49:59.794)

Thanks for the trauma.

Jey (50:06.378)

It just makes all the trouble go away!

Justin RK Dawson (50:12.598)

And then as far as Robert, I mean, Robert's been gone for four years. Um, I definitely, Robert was kind of like, I won't say my favorite, but I kind of will say my favorite because yeah, I mean, cause he, because, cause so like I had Roshanna left to California. I had you saw you for a couple of weeks, never really saw you again. So like Joseph, I was with him. He was like six months old, but like Robert was like the first one where

Jey (50:23.494)

Yeah, you will.

Justin RK Dawson (50:41.462)

You know, we got married, we got pregnant. I was with the whole pregnancy. Um, I was with him when he was born. I was with him every step of his life. And then plus by then I was like, cause I've always been kind of self-employed for most of my life. I never really, I don't think I've had a real job since my mid 20s or something. So like, so like I had a lot of time, you know, so I would do all the school. I would do all the everything for like.

Jey (50:59.61)

Mm.

Justin RK Dawson (51:07.382)

The first one was Robert, you know, and then Joseph benefited from Robert, but he was already there and then obviously Joshua came and he kind of benefited from Robert also, you know. Um, cause Robert was like the center of my entire fucking world. Like if he wanted to make, he wanted to make music. So I built a studio. He wanted to do shows. So I, so I bought some land and opened up a venue, you know, so he was like the whole center of my world because he was like, he looked like me, he walked like me. He was like,

We thought the same way. Um, you know, we had the same, a lot of this, we had a lot of the same problems, like a lot of the same problems. So if I had a problem and I saw him with the same problem, I could kind of tell him a lot of fixes. So that's just kind of how he rolled. So, um, when he left, it was, you know, it's kind of.

You know, unfortunate to say the least, but you know, I mean, I kind of, instead of looking at it, like, you know, like, oh, he's gone, I'm never going to see him again. I look at it like, man, I was like super fortunate to spend 21 years with this person, you know, and plus I'm like 50, you know, so he wasn't, he, he hasn't, he was here less than half of my life, you know? And so it's like, now I'm like, Hey, and then plus like sends down, I mean, I've had.

five or six people died that I really cared about. I've had so many people die the last four years. It's not even a joke. Not like people that I don't know. Yeah, Bob died from down the street. I'm sorry. But like people who I knew, serious people. So now it's like, hey, I'm just really glad that I got to spend time with this person when they were here and now they're not. That's it.

Jey (52:56.722)

I don't know.

Justin RK Dawson (52:56.758)

No harm, no foul. You fucking keep going. I'm definitely more cold, for sure. I definitely don't tolerate a lot of stuff that I would have tolerated before him because I'm obviously more close now since he's gone. So I don't tolerate a lot of stuff from anybody. And that's why I don't interact with a lot of people so much anymore.

Justin RK Dawson (53:24.51)

Yeah, so it's just, you know. Yeah, it's just... Yeah.

Jey (53:29.178)

Definitely. No, Robert had this really cool talent, and it was a gift and a curse. It just depended on how he wanted to use it. And you're the same way. It just depends on how you want to use it. You can either deescalate any problem you want to and be reasonable and not make something happen. Or you could be the voice of anti-reason and be the whole problem if you want to be. Or instigate or initiate whatever you want.

Justin RK Dawson (53:56.15)

Yeah.

Jey (53:59.742)

But thinking about it, you know, Robert had that, had that gift to be able to deescalate a situation. People would listen to him, you know, follow his lead and move things in the right direction, sometimes in the wrong direction. Mostly to like my expense a lot of the time, but that we won't get into any of that.

Justin RK Dawson (54:21.246)

Well, you should say, well, I think you should rephrase that as that Robert could move stuff into his direction, whether it was, no matter what direction it was leading it, whatever direction the situation Robert wanted to lead it into is where it would go. So just say that. So do something.

Jey (54:31.576)

Yeah.

Jey (54:39.794)

100% and it didn't really matter Doesn't really matter. What was the overall consequence and how it played out?

Justin RK Dawson (54:48.222)

Oh, no, no

Jey (54:53.639)

or no.

Justin RK Dawson (55:03.73)

I think he was starting to develop and learn about the consequences of your actions, of one's actions. Consequences don't always have to be bad. Consequences are what happens after an action. They can be good, they can be bad, they can be blah, they can be whatever.

Jey (55:13.202)

Uh-uh.

Jey (55:19.151)

Yeah.

Justin RK Dawson (55:29.59)

I don't know how to say bipolar, because I'm not a psychologist, but people that have some bipolar or maybe some other sort of mental issues, something is really, really good or really, really bad, your brain can react the exact same way. You know? Well, no, I mean, it's not even that. It's like you get that same feeling, that same adrenaline rush, and that's kind of hard for a lot of people to deal with.

Jey (55:44.391)

Mm-hmm. Fighter flight, fighter flight kind of thing.

Justin RK Dawson (55:59.258)

I mean, even, you know, I got to calm myself and I got to talk to myself a few times a day and calm myself down, you know. I almost got into it with a client last night. It would have been my first. I got into it. I always get into it with my clients. Not always, and I've gotten much better, but I've had an opportunity to get into it. I had a great opportunity to get into it with the client a couple of days ago. And I'm like, you know what? I'm just not going to engage. I'm going to say, okay, no problem.

Jey (56:13.915)

You have.

Justin RK Dawson (56:29.55)

Um, and then they asked me to do some more work and I'm like, um, you know, I'm, I'm not comfortable doing any more work for you. I'm just, I'm, and I'm kind of good, you know, I don't want to interact with you guys anymore. And this has become a toxic situation. I'm just going to finish up whatever I need to finish and I'll definitely work with your new builder to kind of get everything else done that you need to have done. You know, so.

I did that instead of him when he talked to me like shit and going off like, you mother, blah, because that's kind of unproductive. This is the new year, and I can't be cussing people out anymore, man. It's not that I cuss people out. It's just that when I get fired up and I get upset, I have this Shakespearean condescending, very piss you off

Jey (57:08.003)

New year, new you! New year, new you, no, we talked about that.

Justin RK Dawson (57:24.358)

sentences and it really aggravates people and hits people the nerve like jewel knows and i've actually not i've actually taught him how to do it i've actually taught him how to do it

Jey (57:30.586)

I know, and I've developed, I hate you have, and I do it, I do it, I started doing it probably when I got to college and stuff, and I got really, really good at it, and I'm still really, really good at it. But now I'm a little bit nicer about it since I work in mental health, but I can still, I can really, I can really zing someone really nicely, but like also very much at the same time where it really does like.

Justin RK Dawson (57:44.712)

I'm sorry.

Jey (57:57.878)

hit their nerves and make them a bit pissed off but also like kind of push them back and snap them back into reality like a little bit and it's kind of it's a blessing and a curse because it's like i can be real direct and i can i could piss you off with just my words i don't even need to throw hands or nothing i don't need to instigate i could talk to you super calmly you'll think i'm a psychopath because i'll just piss you off and i'll be so calm about it

Or I can get, or I can get louded in your face and I'll escalate with you no problem, but I'm going to tell you how I feel and you're going to hear how I feel and you're going to feel like an ass because you're going to realize that you were wrong. So it's either we're going to get to this point or we're not going to get to this point. And

Justin RK Dawson (58:22.53)

Yeah.

Justin RK Dawson (58:40.303)

You're gonna realize that you're gonna realize that you should have never really started with me

Jey (58:44.51)

Yeah, no, exactly. And it's like, don't start it because I'm going to wait till you say some key. I think this is one thing that you really taught me that helped me a lot when I was doing management and stuff, was to just listen. Just listen to someone. Let's listen to them go. Let them go off a little bit. And let them go off and just pick out your key phrases of what they're saying and turn it right back on them. Oh, so you're feeling this way because of this.

I did that today with a client at work when she was all angry and pissed off about a bunch of things and I was like, well, no, I definitely I hear that you're angry and you're frustrated and you're such and then she goes like, I'm not angry. Well, I'm like, well, at the very beginning of our conversation, when we started talking, you said you were pissed off and angry. So that's not true. But no, it's, it's a great, I guess it's a great skill to have.

We don't really, not anymore, we've had our moments, but as time goes on, we don't really do it to each other anymore because like, we know the, it doesn't work because we're too similar there. And we do it to each other and it's like, well, now we're both pissed off. Um, and

Justin RK Dawson (59:50.254)

It doesn't work.

Justin RK Dawson (01:00:00.014)

Well I've been trying to hurt your feelings, but it doesn't work anymore.

Jey (01:00:02.566)

It doesn't work anymore. It used to. It used to get me so easily. Man, it took one or two sentences.

Justin RK Dawson (01:00:05.934)

Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, I used to be able to piss you off so easily. That shit was hilarious. I remember you were like, you're like 15, 16 years old. Oh, you used to get all mad and pissed off and flustered and be like, don't be so mean to him. I'm like, I don't give a fuck.

Jey (01:00:22.83)

No, it definitely, it helped me grow that like thicker skin. And then like, I'll talk about how I interact with my kids at work and stuff sometimes. And I'm like, oh yeah, you know, I just, she ran into a wall because she wasn't paying attention. I just laughed. She was fine. Like it's kind of one thing that like I've adapted into like my parenting now, where it's like, well, she's fine.

Like yeah, she's a little upset right now, but like she's okay. She's not, she's not hurt. She's not dead. She's not bleeding. Like, yeah, she just went into a wall. But.

Justin RK Dawson (01:00:57.438)

No, that's actually my client ran and my client was walking up the walkway and she just kind of was I don't know what her problem is, but she bumped into he wasn't drunk or nothing, but she bumped into the wall and she goes, Oh, I just bumped into the wall. I said, Yeah, they just put that there.

And she was like, huh? And she's like, what happened? I said, yeah, they just put the wall there. Oh, huh, oh, yeah.

Jey (01:01:19.522)

And it's so weird because my fiance, she'll say things now that my older one, she looks like me, but she doesn't act like me. My younger one doesn't look like me, but she acts just freaking like me. Like spin image, like she'll run into a wall and just go donk. She'll just like make a sound effect of her running into the wall. She gets on her sister's nerves. The little one, P gets on these nerves. So...

easily and it's great and awful to watch at the same time because it's like why are you letting a three-year-old get at you like that it's it shouldn't be like that but it's super fun to watch and see their dynamic grow and develop and it's just super funny because she just she's like it's fine it's fine oh i my drink

Like she'll make a big old mess with like a drink or something or break something or something will happen and she'll just go It's fine, Dada It's fine Exactly that really makes me like think in that moment where I'm like, oh my god another mess What the hell or like why are you doing this thing? It's like Really? It's it is fine. It's it's just fine. Like it's okay Like it's really not a big deal. I in my head. I want to make it a big deal

Justin RK Dawson (01:02:26.294)

We'll just clean it up, whatever.

Jey (01:02:47.098)

But it's fine. It's fine. It's really fine. But yeah. Yeah, we definitely have that skill, where we can piss people off, or we can use it to our benefit. And we can make people really like us and enjoy us being around until they piss us off, and then they don't want to be around us anymore.

Justin RK Dawson (01:03:12.283)

Hehehehe

Jey (01:03:15.27)

For me, that comes a little bit quicker because I'm just like, I think it's part of what happened with the divorce, but I stopped giving so many fucks to other people and what other people thought and said and what their input was and just started going like, well, I started just doing things or saying things. It's like, well, I'm sorry for how that made them feel, but I don't control their feelings. And I would get...

Justin RK Dawson (01:03:42.562)

Yeah, I'm like, I might tell people like, you know, I don't, I don't honestly, it's not my business, how you feel about me. Like it really has absolutely nothing to do with me. It has no bearing on what I'm doing. And so like, if you don't like me, or you don't want to be around me, it's I don't. It's you're right. Like, I'm, it's not my business, you can do what you want. I don't I don't

Jey (01:04:04.242)

Yeah, like if you don't like me, cool. Like that's on you. Like I don't care. Like if you're mad or upset or offended by something I said, like my bad, check yourself. Why are you offended? Go heal, bro. Go take care of that thing. Like your feelings are yours.

Justin RK Dawson (01:04:33.241)

Yeah, I

Justin RK Dawson (01:04:48.81)

You know?

Jey (01:04:50.502)

I think that was part of the problem like previously for in my in my first marriage was that I didn't conform. There's a lot of problems there. But one of the big ones was like I didn't I didn't conform to like what she wanted me to be in all these different ways. Like I didn't let myself to an extent like be a puppet and whatnot.

Justin RK Dawson (01:05:03.502)

I'm gonna go to bed.

Jey (01:05:20.302)

Like, I...

Justin RK Dawson (01:05:21.15)

Yeah, that's the same. That's my same issue too. Hold on. Let me get these. I guess these dogs are fine. They're not making any noise. Look, hey, Max. Hey, Max. Oh, stop. He's still up.

Jey (01:05:32.918)

Oh Max, I like Max. I remember the dogs we had growing up. We had Frieda. Frieda was the best dog ever. She lived a very long, loving life. Frieda, Scooby, you did not love Scooby. Scooby was like your least favorite. And then we had the, what was the Dalmatian? Or the Dalmatian Clyde. Frieda, Clyde, and Scooby. Clyde was great. I like Clyde the best.

Justin RK Dawson (01:05:42.859)

Yeah, she was 16.

Justin RK Dawson (01:05:55.432)

Bye.

Justin RK Dawson (01:06:00.738)

Yeah, he was a good dog. Hold on, hold on, this dog won't stop whining. Hold on, this dog won't stop whining. Let's put it back. Get out.

Jey (01:06:02.866)

Scooby was not. You had to build... I'm gonna tell the story. I'm gonna tell the story. So, so, Frida was super old. She was just a good old sweet girl. She was super nice. She was super sweet. Frida was the best. And then Clyde was just, he was energetic, but he was also just a really good fun dog. And then Scooby, let's just say my dad had to build, what was that, like a 10-foot fence? Tenal, with a top on it.

to make sure that he didn't jump out of the kennel. Cause he would jump out and then he would get, and then he would get Clyde to jump out. And then he would make Frida do something too. And then it was just the whole thing. So Scooby, Scooby was kind of like Robert in that way where if Scooby had a plan and Scooby wanted to do something and didn't really care about the consequences, Scooby would get everyone else to do it with him.

Justin RK Dawson (01:06:36.442)

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Jey (01:07:01.206)

I like Clyde. Clyde was a great dog. I don't know why I ever happened to Clyde and Scooby.

Justin RK Dawson (01:07:08.382)

Yeah, well, I mean, yeah, so I think one day Scooby was about eight and he was fine. And then he got all these black dots on him, like within like two days. And then he just died like instantly. I don't know what the fuck happened. And then Clyde was, and then Clyde was just old. He was just old. He just was old.

Jey (01:07:24.346)

Okay, Clyde just got old. Frida got super old though. Clyde went like blind and could barely walk and She lived forever she lived forever it seemed But yeah, let's is there anything else that you want to mention about You know your parenting style relationship That we've had or any of your relationship experience

Justin RK Dawson (01:07:30.452)

Oh yeah, she was.

Justin RK Dawson (01:07:34.198)

Yeah.

Jey (01:07:51.49)

or life experience that you want to share right now with everyone.

Justin RK Dawson (01:07:56.334)

I mean, the only thing I don't, like, you know, I'm not, as a parent, you know, I mean, I know parents are lots of times kind of want kids to do what they want them to do, you know? And so, like, I mean, and I said the same thing at Robert's funeral. I mean, I never, I mean, I'm not saying never, but I would get mad at Robert for not going to school and acting a fool and doing all the stupid shit that he did. But...

honestly, I would get over it pretty quick. I'd be really, really mad, and then I'd just be like, fuck it. But the one thing that I tried to do with all of the kids, I'm like, I want to support whatever you're doing. If you wanna turn 18 and go join the military, or you wanna go be a porn star, I don't give a fuck. You can go do what you wanna do. So I always try to support with whatever they wanna do, and I always tell them, the main thing is just,

fucking be nice to people, like just treat people the way they need to be treated. Like I want to get mad at, I only really got really, really upset at Robert or any of the kids when they would treat people bad. You know, that was one thing I just wouldn't tolerate. You know, that's the one thing that really pisses me off. And other than that, you know, support them and make sure they treat people. And it sounds cliche, but you know, it's that's, I mean, but that's my parenting skill. I didn't trip off a lot of other stuff that I probably should have, you know.

underage drinking and carrying on and stupidity and street shit. You know, I'm like, as long as you're safe, I support you. Try to stay in the house if you're going to be crazy and be nice to people. And that's really all my peering style was. So.

Jey (01:09:42.298)

pretty much and I can attest that that's true. It was pretty much work hard. If you're gonna do something, do good, do it good, do it well, do it right, and be nice to people. Hence, why I have a sign.

Justin RK Dawson (01:09:53.386)

And fucking follow through, I mean, and like fucking follow through with what you start, you know?

Jey (01:09:56.482)

Yeah.

Yeah, that was always your big thing too. Like if I was going to start something then to go through with it not to back out halfway or to half acid or just to give it if you're going to do it do it right follow through see it through to the end kind of thing.

Justin RK Dawson (01:10:15.582)

Yeah, but I mean, but I think I would change that a little bit now to be like, you don't really have to do it right, just fucking finish it, you know?

Jey (01:10:23.814)

Make sure you can pass the inspection at least. Pass the inspection at the bare minimum.

Justin RK Dawson (01:10:24.319)

I think I would change that.

Justin RK Dawson (01:10:30.202)

in.

Jey (01:10:31.194)

but dope. All right, let's jump into the YDP-3. So the YDP-3 are three questions that I ask every guest and you're subject to the same treatment. You don't get no special treatment here, even though we're running a bit long, that's okay. First area here, the first question, not area, I say area too much at work. The first question here is where are you rooted? What, where do your roots run? Like your core values, what makes up the roots of who you are?

Justin RK Dawson (01:11:04.027)

I just, um... Just wake up and do as much as I can. I don't hurt anybody along the way. As much as possible.

Jey (01:11:14.482)

I like it.

Justin RK Dawson (01:11:14.602)

You know, sometimes, I mean, like sometimes you got to step on people's neck, not like literally but sometimes you got to hurt some feelings, you know, but, you know, I don't really, I don't really, I don't really understand the question a hundred percent, but just, just wake up and show up and try to, you know.

Justin RK Dawson (01:11:36.406)

Don't hurt anybody on the way and mind your own business, basically.

Jey (01:11:39.686)

I like it. I like it. No, that answers it. The next question is what grounds you? Like when you're feeling all kind of stressy or upset or pissed off or whatever, what kind of brings you back down into reality?

Justin RK Dawson (01:11:51.806)

Work, thinking about work and thinking, working or thinking about going to work and what I'm gonna accomplish the next day. That's really the only thing that drives me is going to work. That's like my biggest pleasure in life. It always has been since I was 10 years old. Call me a workaholic if you want, but that's my favorite thing to do is work. Cause, and that's just because in my line of work, I've always kind of worked for myself and it's not because I like to work so much, but that's basically like, there's very few things you can.

There's very few things, if any, you can control in this life. You can't control your job, you can't control your kids, you can't control your wife, you can't control your animals. There's really nothing you can control most of yourself, but even then there's limitations that you can control your whole person. But with me going to work and always kind of working for myself and always kind of doing what I want to do, I can control my own world. I can control when I wake up, I can control when I go to the store, I can control when I do this, when I can do that. The minute I leave work or the minute I stop going to the store, then I'm kind of back

Influence land with other people so that's why I like to like go to work because it's my area It's my safe spot and I can do what the fuck I want to do for as long as I want to do it, you know So That's what keeps me grounded

Jey (01:13:05.434)

I like it. Alright, last one here is let's say I don't know you, you don't know me, or someone random walks up to you. Let's say your younger self walks up to you. Younger Justin walks up to you, that 21 year old self you that went through that mental break, and just going through a really dark time. But let's say that's a you don't know.

but someone going through that same thing, okay?

I'm gonna let you have two pieces of advice that you're telling that young dad, or that young Justin, who's just in a dark place, struggling with life, mental self, young fatherhood. What are your, you get two pieces of advice that you get to tell that random dad to help him to try to bring him out of it. What are your, you get two. I usually get people one, so you're special, you get two.

Justin RK Dawson (01:13:39.574)

Mmm.

Justin RK Dawson (01:14:07.526)

I mean, one thing, well, the one thing about the mental breakdown, and I've had more than a couple of them, but I don't want to focus on that so much. But my other son, he's like full on schizophrenic and has been since he was like 14. He's 24 now, hasn't left the house, but I don't want to get to that either. But the one thing I learned from him is that like, he's okay with being him. He's okay with being the yelling, screaming.

wild man taking three, four showers a day, he still smiles being him, even though he's not like everybody else. I don't really have two, but the one piece of advice that I would have gave that younger Justin is like, hey man, okay, well, you got a little excited, you had this mental breakdown, you did some stupid shit, you reacted wrongly, but you know what? That's you. Accept yourself and fucking deal with it.

and loop it into your personality, make it part of your person, use it. If you get that energy and that frustration that makes you want to leap and do things that you probably shouldn't do or react abnormal from societal norms, then just know you're doing it. But just be okay and know that you're doing it and just accept you for who you're doing.

want other people to see, then it doesn't matter. I would just tell the younger Justin to accept you for who you are and these are all your gifts and this is what you're doing, this is how you react. Just accept yourself for you. You're fucking great. It doesn't matter anything else. And don't let other people tell you that you're crazy or you're something that you're not. I mean, even if you are, it doesn't matter. It's just

Jey (01:15:52.561)

And I'm.

Justin RK Dawson (01:16:00.382)

Accept yourself for being crazy and accept yourself for being a little slow. I'm not any, I'm not slow. I would certainly hope not, but I'm sure there are some people that may be a little slow and that's okay. You're probably good at something else, you know? So accept yourself for whoever you are, whatever your faults are, whatever your strengths are, whatever your weaknesses are, whatever it is, accept yourselves for you and roll as such. And don't worry about everybody else.

Jey (01:16:10.684)

Yeah.

Jey (01:16:29.806)

100% because you're fucking great and everyone else can get fucked pretty much um

Justin RK Dawson (01:16:32.966)

Yeah.

Jey (01:16:38.618)

Well, dad, I appreciate your time. It was a pleasure talking to you. In this kind of setting, I appreciate everything you've done for me, being my dad, being there for all the ups and downs through high school and the college, through my marriage, the divorce, and for the grandkids, and everything that you continue to do for myself, for my siblings, and for all of us.

that all the people that rely on you, look to you, and need your support for whatever aspect they do. So thank you for all that you do for your family and for your community, for your team that works for you, and just for all the good that you have given to the world because you've given tons of it to my world, to the girls' world. The girls love to try to call their pops.

and love when they get in the car and they're like, can we call pops? Can we call pops? And they love to try to talk to pops, even though pops can't say their names. Right.

Jey (01:17:50.418)

And...

Justin RK Dawson (01:17:57.538)

I didn't know that names and birthdays were requirements of communicating with your children and grandchildren. I thought you said, hey. You know what?

Jey (01:18:07.686)

Well, lo and behold, it's important to know your kid's names. It's pretty important to know when they were born versus their stepbrother kind of thing. Anyways, but on that, thanks so much. We'll catch you next week and we're excited for the next 100 episodes.

Justin RK Dawson (01:18:16.912)

Oh, God.

Justin RK Dawson (01:18:25.906)

Okay, deuces.


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