In this episode, Jey and Robert discuss their experiences as fathers of girls and the joys and challenges that come with it. They emphasize the importance of letting their daughters be kids and encouraging them to have fun. They also discuss the different personalities of their daughters and how they navigate parenting approaches accordingly. The conversation highlights the significance of building confidence in girls and teaching them to overcome failure. They stress the importance of focusing on the process rather than the end product and avoiding comparisons and judgment. The episode concludes with a discussion on rewarding positive behavior and encouraging self-improvement. This conversation explores the importance of having kids around and the desire of dads to be more involved in caregiving roles. It discusses the societal changes that have led to an increase in male caregiving and challenges the double standards and expectations placed on dads. The conversation also highlights the need for equal opportunities and fair custody arrangements. It emphasizes the capability of dads to provide for their children and the importance of cultural heritage. The chapter concludes by offering support and advice for dads who may be struggling.
Takeaways
Dads want to have their kids around and be actively involved in their lives.
There has been an increase in male caregiving roles and dads are more engaged in parenting.
Societal norms and expectations often limit the involvement of dads in caregiving.
Equal opportunities and fair custody arrangements are necessary to support dads in their parenting roles.
Dads are capable of providing for their children and should be given the chance to be actively involved.
Chapters
00:00 Introduction and Fatherhood Journey
02:44 Raising Daughters and Letting Them Be Kids
05:09 Different Personalities and Parenting Approaches
08:08 Building Confidence in Girls
10:01 Comparing and Judging
13:31 Focusing on the Process, Not the Product
19:04 Challenges of Raising Girls
21:32 Teaching Girls to Overcome Failure
25:40 Modeling Confidence and Support
27:38 Avoiding Judgment and Comparisons
31:09 Rewarding Positive Behavior
35:19 Encouraging Self-Improvement
39:25 Dealing with Judgmental Comments
41:04 The Importance of Having Kids Around
42:06 Increase in Male Caregiving Roles
43:13 Changing Societal Norms
44:02 The Impact of Politics and Rewards
45:10 Dads Are Capable of Providing Equally
46:18 Prioritizing Kids' Time
47:08 Societal Expectations and Double Standards
48:08 Limited Career Paths for Dads
49:00 The Need for Equal Opportunities
49:53 The Capability of Dads
50:47 Unfair Custody Arrangements
51:45 Changing the Narrative on Dads
52:27 Learning and Growing Together
53:25 Teaching Kids About Culture
54:37 What Grounds You
59:56 Supporting Dads in Dark Places Transcript: Jey (00:09.05)
Alright, we're cooking with grease, we're cooking with grease, cooking with oil. Is that the saying? Is it grease or oil? I think it's cooking with oil. But anyways, welcome into another episode of the Young Dad Podcast. I'm Jay and joining me today is Robert. Robert, how are you man?
Robert (00:22.686)
I think it's oil, cooking with oil. Cooking with oil.
Robert (00:32.126)
I'm good, man. It's Saturday, it's the weekend, it was a great week, but yeah, man, I'm good, I'm good, thank you.
Jey (00:32.75)
Saturday fun day, weekend fun days, the lone time that we get to actually sit down and record a podcast and talk for a little bit more time because being parents, the week is kind of a cluster of fun as it goes through.
Robert (00:59.21)
Yeah, sure is the weeks. Man, those weeks fly by because we're doing so much. We're so busy between school activities, work. Just, yeah, it goes by fast, but yeah, it's crazy busy. That's for sure.
Jey (01:06.746)
But I wouldn't have it any other way, you know? There's no other way I would rather have it. Between school, school extracurriculars, extracurriculars outside of that, sports, work, being a dad, wouldn't have it any other way. Wouldn't have it any other way.
Robert (01:27.806)
No, yeah, I hear you and I'm the same way. I absolutely love, I love this. I love being a dad. I love getting to, and the dad of two girls, man, it's such a blessing and it's, I mean, it's the greatest, I mean, I don't know if you want to call it a job or whatever, I mean, whatever you want to call it, but yeah, it's the coolest, greatest thing out there.
Jey (01:47.014)
Absolutely, 100% especially being a girl dad. But it's the best. But we'll jump into that here shortly. Robert, I wanted to introduce you to the listeners in case they skipped over the intro, because I'm guilty. I skip over intros just to get to the good stuff, get to the podcast. Sometimes I'm short on time and I just wanna get into it. But if they skipped over the intro, I introduced your Instagram page, the.girldad.adventures. And it's a pretty simple page overall.
You know, you want to encourage other dads to show up, have fun with their kids. And that life is too serious and that we just need to let our kids be kids and we need to be kids with them sometimes. So Robert, that's a little bit about you, but go ahead and tell us a little bit of more about you, your fatherhood journey and anything else you want to share about yourself to kick us off here.
Robert (02:44.966)
Yeah, man, absolutely. Thank you. Yeah, I mean, so I'm, you know, before the kids, I'm married for 10 years. We just celebrated a couple weeks ago, my wife and I. We've no need. Thank you. Yeah. Yeah, that's something that flew by. It seems like it hasn't been 10 years because it went by so fast. But at the same time, you know, it's crazy how it has been 10 years. We've been together for 13 years. So that's been one heck of a journey.
Jey (02:48.346)
Congratulations, that's a huge milestone.
Jey (03:05.529)
awesome.
Robert (03:14.97)
And yeah, so I have two girls, two daughters, a seven-year-old and five-year-old that keep us active, keep us busy. My seven-year-old, Juliana, we call her Juju. She's really into baseball. She loves playing video games on her iPad. She's, you know, always creating new things and doing new things. I love, you know, love her creative side and the things that she does. And then our youngest, Leah, we call her sister, being the younger sister.
Jey (03:37.294)
Yeah.
Robert (03:44.598)
But yeah, she's man, she is, she is a funny, funny one. She loves to joke around. She loves to mess with us, play pranks, you know, mess with us all the time. So she's really into gymnastics. So, you know, like we were saying, we stay so busy between the baseball practice, gymnastics, baseball games, school. Fortunately for us, you know, we have the opportunity that we can homeschool our girls.
I do work from home full time so that allows me the opportunity to be able to take care of them at home and help them out with their homeschooling. And then my wife is into substitute teaching right now. She does that a few days a week and then she also takes over on the homeschooling. But my journey as a dad, it's something that I've always wanted because I...
I'm the oldest of three, so I have two younger sisters, and I've always had this leadership thing where I just want to help others out, help others out and take care of others. And that's how I've always been. And when I blessed the opportunity to be a dad, it's been the greatest thing ever because I get to grow with them. And like you said with my Instagram page, it's something that...
I get to grow up with them and I get to experience being a kid with them again. And I get to see it from a whole different perspective, which is something that's awesome and something I really enjoy.
Jey (05:09.634)
100% man and I love that and I don't know if it's the thing for you, but my second one my little one she turns she's three and She is the More feral of the two a little bit crazier a little bit more energetic a little bit more Bold If you would but I don't know if your second girls like that too, but mine is she's out there. She's
Robert (05:30.51)
Mm-hmm.
Robert (05:35.615)
Yeah.
Robert (05:41.994)
Yeah, she is, man. She, the oldest, she's, they actually, their personalities match my wife and my personality. So the oldest is a lot like me. She's very cautious, very careful. She's, you know, very emotional. I'm a very emotional person, you know, I, you know, with our feelings and everything. And our youngest is a lot more reserved like my wife, but yeah, she's really like adventurous and eager to do something and try something. And she's, you know, jumping off.
you know, walls onto the ground or jumping into like a swimming pool where my oldest is like kind of trying to step into it, kind of assess everything. And the youngest is like, nope, let's just let's just go in and we'll see what happens.
Jey (06:17.41)
100% yeah, no my oldest she's the same way loves baseball loves her certain set of activities like it's a certain set It's a defined set. It's like I like this. I don't like this. I like this I don't like this and it's all those things and she's the same way like okay. I'm gonna I'm gonna tread it out She's the she has like she looks like me and she has my logical side of Like my thinking like how she does things very logical very methodical very thought out
Robert (06:31.484)
in here.
Jey (06:45.434)
like goal-oriented, plans things out, just very, very thorough thinker, which is very much like me in a lot of ways. Looks like me, just so many similarities between me and her. That interest that we have, everything aligns with us. My younger one, she's...
Robert (06:54.21)
Mm-hmm.
Jey (07:05.75)
the same way. She will just jump into a pool. She'll jump off a couch. She'll climb on a wall. She'll run around. She'll take her pants off in public. She'll pull her shirt up in public. She'll do whatever she wants, whenever she wants. And she has the wild side of my personality, which like, I obviously don't have anymore, but it's like some of the things she does, my fiance now, she's like, you know, D looks like you, but P acts like you, where she'll just like...
Robert (07:25.448)
I'm out.
Jey (07:35.773)
I'm pooping!
or just like runs around with her pants off or just farts or just does something just whatever she says whatever and i love that about her because it just creates so much joy and like balance between the two of them and when they fight oh they fight because they're so different one's a cancer one's a scorpio i don't know what that means in retrospect to everybody but they're one's more emotional and one's
Robert (07:41.899)
Mm-hmm.
Hahaha
That's funny.
Robert (07:58.498)
Thank you.
Robert (08:04.282)
Mm-hmm.
Jey (08:08.634)
very much more impulsive and the impulsive is more like me so sometimes i'm just laughing because she got under her sister's skin because it's so easy because she is so highly emotional and sensitive nothing wrong with her she gets that more from her mother than me but it's just funny how different they are it's just funny
Robert (08:38.622)
Yeah, it is. It's crazy. I completely agree with you. Yeah, mine are, they're so different and they do have their, you know, things that they're so alike. And, you know, I was thinking about when you're talking, when they're fighting, it's true. I mean, one minute, you know, my wife and I are in a room and we hear them laughing and ha ha. And literally, you know, 10 seconds later, they're yelling at each other and I don't want to talk to you. I'm not your friend and this and that. And it's like, you guys are just playing. How are you fighting now? This. So.
Jey (08:59.798)
Exactly, exactly. It's so crazy, especially like having two girls that are within a couple years of each other. I think mine are like two-ish years apart or so. No, three-ish. Two and almost three, whatever. But they're really close in age. They're in that same kind of age range that yours are. And they'll do the same thing, like all of a sudden they'll just be quiet in their room watching Pokemon or something. And then the next thing I hear is just...
Robert (09:13.667)
Mm-hmm.
Robert (09:25.748)
Thank you.
Jey (09:27.118)
yelling and screaming and kicking and crying and everything's going crazy the dog's got the zoomies now and
I don't know what just happened three seconds ago and then all of a sudden there's crying and then there's more crying and then there's no crying and then there's crying and I don't know why everyone's crying all of a sudden because I don't get it because I don't know what's going on.
Robert (10:01.382)
Yeah, it's the same over here. I think it's just that the oldest and youngest and the first and the second and the personalities they get from each parent and yeah, it's and you know, kids are kids and they sometimes just have no filter and they just they just go all out and it's It's funny to see sometimes but there does come a point where my wife and I do have to step in and just like hey You know you go to one room you go to the other
Jey (10:24.878)
Yeah, go take some space. You stay over here with me. And the thing I love about both my kids, but as they both show me like a different side of like life, they both show me like, okay, maybe I do need to be more cautious in certain situations or maybe I do just need to just like chill, relax and just laugh and just have fun. Like my little one, she does that so well with.
Robert (10:30.486)
Chill out for a couple of minutes and then they'll be back to playing.
Yeah.
Jey (10:54.326)
all of us with me, my fiancee and her sister, where it's just like, she will literally say to her older sister when she's upset or getting upset, it's not that deep. I taught her to say that, but she just says it randomly now. She just goes, Sissy, not that deep. And the older one gets mad at her and like, dad. And it's like, well.
Is she right? Is it not that deep? Do you really need to be so serious? And I think that's the best thing about the younger one for me is that she just, she's just a reminder all the time. Like just laugh, just have fun. She hear music, just start to dance. She literally, she hears random music. She will just start dancing her little dance moves, just wherever she is. Doesn't care. And it's just such a good reminder. Like just
Just enjoy the music, just enjoy life. Don't take it so seriously. Like it's not that serious. And that's the best thing about kids is that they don't understand how the different seriousness of situations and things like that are because they just, they haven't lived that experience and whatnot or seen the things that we have as adults or been subject to the media and things like that we are, but they just remind us like, not that serious all the time. Like just...
Robert (12:21.706)
Yeah, it's... No, you're absolutely right. I mean, they, you know, there's been many examples with my girls that, you know, I, you know, we have our own stresses and our own things that we're worried about and they just, you know, it's, you know, they, like you said, it's not that serious to them and they just live life and they have fun and I think that's the greatest thing about them is that they can, you know, something that we can learn from them.
Jey (12:33.395)
Go, go, go.
Robert (12:50.678)
that life isn't that serious and that we can't be and not take it so serious and just to enjoy the things, enjoy the things that with life, because we're not guaranteed tomorrow, we're not guaranteed the next hour. So why are we gonna spend every moment, whether it be mad, frustrated, worry, sad, just enjoy life, enjoy the moments that we have and cherish the moments that we do have right now. And kids...
kids really do show us that because like you said, they have the innocence to them because they're not exposed to everything as they shouldn't be because they're kids, they shouldn't be exposed to that kind of stuff. So, being able to live through them in that way really changes your perspective on life.
Jey (13:31.534)
100% and that's so important especially with having little girls and raising them in this world like They're gonna be subject to enough sooner than later Like let them fully enjoy the years where they can dress however they want before they're getting judged by their peers Let them do whatever they want with their hair Let them do the things that they want to do so they're comfortable and so they build that confidence at a young age to like My older daughter. She loves to wear pants leggings
Robert (13:47.914)
Mm-hmm.
Jey (13:59.846)
whatever, and a Pokemon shirt. Half her shirt drawer is Pokemon shirts. And I buy them, I supply them, her mother doesn't. And it's very obvious probably to the school, like the weeks that I have her and the weeks that her mom has her because she wears jeans or leggings and a Pokemon shirt. Jeans or leggings and a Pokemon shirt. Five out of five days during the school week when I have her. And it's a fight in the mornings to try to get her to wear something else.
Robert (14:19.723)
I'm gonna go.
Jey (14:29.466)
Wear a dress, no. Won't wear a long sleeve Pokemon shirt, okay, whatever. But let them wear it, let them experience, let them just have fun, let them build that confidence because that's so important, especially as girl dads, having young girls where they're gonna go into a world and a society that judges them for every little thing they do, say, look, how they look, when they look.
where they go, how they go there, everything like that. They're gonna be judged so harshly by society and societal expectations. And if they don't have that confidence even going into it, then they're gonna succumb to a lot of these expectations and it's gonna be overwhelming. And then, you know, from there, things happen like different mental health things, different, you know, you can go into eating disorder, you can go into...
trying to look a certain way to fit a certain narrative perspective, then there's on top of that abusive relationships, narcissistic relationships. You know, they get emotionally, verbally, physically abused because they just put themselves into the subject. And that really relates back to the whole idea of, you know, setting the example. So I heard this recently, I was watching Love and Logic. They're a great resource on YouTube for all parents and even teachers and whatnot to learn. But.
Robert (15:24.393)
Mm-hmm.
Jey (15:51.046)
This video, it basically was teaching how we can deal with like defiant behavior. And this was the weird part of it is that they weren't directly talking about if your kids being defiant do this, they don't do that. They go to the root issue. They broke it down to this really cool concept of if you're acting like a doormat or if you're perceiving yourself as a doormat, you're going to
Robert (15:55.384)
Mm-hmm.
Jey (16:20.826)
get treated like a doormat because others will pick up on that. And then right away I thought, Oh yeah, that's so true. Because when I was managing people working in these different retail jobs, like I knew which employees of mine I could tell, I could tell to do this, that, or that, and they would do it. No questions asked. I knew other employees where I would have to like one or two things or a little bit more of an asking approach or. Lierd kind of things like that, because I knew like
Robert (16:30.133)
Mm-hmm.
Jey (16:49.85)
That's where their values lie and how they were going to be treated and whatnot. I knew how the other ones would be treated as well. Um, and so it's really important that we model that because our kids are going to walk all over us or talk to us a type of way or treat us a certain way if we're allowing them to see us as a doormat. And they're like, well, mom was a doormat or dad's a doormat. So that's kind of where I learned it from, where I learned this behavior. So I'm a doormat.
Robert (16:53.389)
Mm-hmm.
Jey (17:19.958)
and that's how I'm treated.
Robert (17:26.386)
Mm-hmm. Exactly. Yeah, no, I completely agree with you. And that's why with my girls especially, I have those conversations with them daily, even though they are only five and seven, because I want them to learn now and know now what their worth is and what they are. Not just telling them that they're beautiful or that they're cute. You know, just.
saying, you know, you're strong, you're smart, and just reaffirming that even with things that they don't feel confident in, there are times where I'll step back and I won't help them because I want them to be able to accomplish that on their own and have that confidence, because there's gonna be a day and time in the way into the future, but there's gonna be that time where I'm not, unfortunately, I'm not gonna be there. I won't always be there as much as I wanna be, or their mom, as much as she'll wanna be. There's gonna be...
you know, many times where they're gonna have to do something on their own. And I want to build that foundation now that way they can build upon that. So when they are older and they are faced with the situation, they'll have that, you know, they'll have the tools and resources to be able to push through whatever they need to push through. And like you said, not just let somebody walk all over them and, you know, stand up for themselves and be able to handle themselves because, you know, it's, it's so much different for
women in our society and the things and the challenges that they have to face. And yes, it's scary to think that, um, you know, my daughters are going to one day have to go through that, but if I can equip them with the tools and resources, you know, I can give them the best opportunity to, to succeed and, you know, be, you know, be successful.
Jey (19:04.498)
Exactly. And I think that's probably one of the hardest parts about being a dad and raising girls, because we're not equipped for that, like biologically, like you were saying earlier, like very natural for you because you grew up as, you know, the lone boy with sisters in the home. So you always kind of have that instinct on like protecting and nurturing and loving your younger sisters and also being put on that responsibility of the oldest child, like, okay, you need to take
Robert (19:20.621)
Uh-uh.
Jey (19:34.612)
you're the oldest so you need to do A, B, and C for your younger sisters. You need to, you're the first one to get your license so now you have to drive them and you to here and here and here or you take your sister and go here kind of thing. So that's just very natural for us men because that's just biologically how we're created you know to protect to provide to do these things but we're not equipped to like
Robert (19:57.677)
Uh huh.
Jey (19:59.706)
build that confidence. We're built to solve problems. Like we see problem, we solve problem. Monkey see, monkey do kind of thing. But, and that's hard, especially when you have kids, especially girls, I feel is one of the hardest things because you're like, well, I really want to help you because I know the answer to this problem. Because again, it's probably something your wife hates too, because like as men we monkey see, monkey do, we fix problem. Here's your
Robert (20:10.906)
Mm-hmm. Exactly.
Jey (20:29.126)
Simple logical solution to your 20 minute rant you just had, here you go. But it's the same concept. It's like, how do I as a man teach you girls how to be confident and be strong when I don't have that naturally kind of thing? I think that's one of the hardest things to do as a father. Because with boys, we can teach them to be.
Robert (20:39.728)
Thank you.
Jey (20:56.866)
We can teach them to problem solve because they think to problem solve. It's like, okay, you see that you do this in this way kind of thing. Girls don't think like that. I mean, I don't think like that at all. It's like, you have to just let them go through it, go through their thought process and figure it out and essentially let them fail, which sucks because you care about them and you don't want them to fail, but essentially they need to get frustrated and upset and fail because that's how they're going to get through it and learn and grow and develop. But.
Robert (21:06.228)
Mm-hmm.
Robert (21:12.758)
No.
Robert (21:32.478)
Yeah, absolutely. And that's the biggest, you said it right there, that's one of the biggest things that I've, I had a hard time with in the beginning and something that I work on with is letting them fail. And then also letting them see me fail. Because if I don't let them see me fail, they're gonna have this expectation that, not that I'm perfect, but if they always see me being perfect in their eyes, as they get older, they're gonna have that pressure of I need to be perfect.
because if I'm not perfect, I'm not going to either be like dad or be like mom, or I'm not gonna make my parents proud, but if I let them see me fail, they will have that, it's okay to fail. You learn from failure. I'd rather see you fail and make the mistakes because you're gonna learn from that now rather than when you're older. And if you don't have that failure, I guess, inside of you,
Jey (22:30.642)
I think part of it's also like it comes back on you as a parent like where's your focus? Are you focused on the process or you focus on the product? Because a lot of parents this is where a lot of parents can very easily fail as we get so caught up in the product our kids are producing the grades the outglades the achievements the trophies the medals the first place second place third place the
Robert (22:32.062)
know what that's like, you won't know how to handle that when you're when you're faced with that situation.
Robert (22:46.516)
Mm-hmm.
Jey (22:57.574)
the achievements, the accolades, those things, right? We're focused on the product. So we're defining ourselves as parents by what they're producing. And if they don't produce, then we track that back to our own self-worth as a parent, oh, we failed. But in reality, we should be focusing on the process because the process is where the growth is happening. The process is where the failure happens, but.
Robert (23:01.673)
Mm-hmm.
Jey (23:25.902)
Let's say your kid has a C in math and then they go from C to a B. You could very easily define yourself on like, okay, they're at a C. So obviously I'm doing something wrong. And then there's limited growth. Oh, they only went from a C to a B. Whatever. Like really not that much, but when you're focused on that, guess what? You just miss like all the effort they've been learning, all the new concepts they learned, all the hard work they've been put in, all the...
time and effort and energy they're putting in. They're learning how to overcome that struggle of being behind to catch up, doing missing assignments, having to put in that extra time and energy into that to catch up, but you just missed all of that process and all these amazing things because to them, you're just focused on the product. That's all you care about. You only care about the grade. Instead, we should care about, oh my gosh, I see working so hard.
Robert (23:57.1)
Mm-hmm.
Jey (24:25.626)
Like that's amazing. Like you did it. You caught up, you put the effort in, you put the time, you did it. Like you accomplished, like you went from a C minus to a B minus. Like that's a whole 10%. Like that took a lot of work. Like you got 10% better and you learned so many things beyond just the material. And that's, that's where the focus should be on that growth because that's where
Robert (24:34.947)
Mm-hmm.
Jey (24:52.794)
that confidence needs to be built. And that's where you need to positively reinforce as a parent because that's what ultimately they're pro the product that they produce doesn't define you as a parent, how they're able to overcome those obstacles, catch up, learn, grow, develop, overcome. That's what's going to define them as an individual and where they need your support the most is in that process, in the process, not the product.
Robert (25:05.791)
Yeah.
Jey (25:21.426)
The product's gonna be the product. You can't control that product, only they can. But you can help control how they go through the process and guide them through it.
Robert (25:40.17)
Yeah, absolutely. I 100% agree with you. Because like you said, that's where the confidence, the failure, all that is going to be built up and then working through it. And yeah, I mean, you, you put in the work and you do well, then yeah, you're gonna do great. And if at the end of the day, if it's not enough, well, then that's okay. You know, you just learn from where, you know, the mistakes were and then next time you just get better with that. So that's, you know, that's, that's really great. And I think what's helped
me in that area is growing up, I played competitive golf. So I played competitive golf from the age of nine, all the way up till 20, 21. I traveled all across the country playing junior golf. I played college golf. I played some semi-pro and my, thank you. My dad was, he was really hard on me. Probably not the approach, and it's not the approach that I take with my daughters.
Jey (26:22.61)
That's awesome.
Robert (26:39.778)
But it really, I think it helped me in a way that I am able to take a different approach with my daughters, that I can help build them up in their confidence during the process where my dad was really focused on that product of me playing, it was more about wins and losses than improvement. So I've learned that, taking that approach with my daughters, that it's not always about
you know, how many hits you get or how many, you know, flips you do in gymnastics or, you know, it's not always about that. It's always about that process of going through it. You know, are you showing up to practice? Are you committed? Are you focused? Are you, you know, is this something that you enjoy and something that you want to do? Because if it's not something that they're enjoying, then, you know, I don't want you to be a part of it because I want you ultimately I want you to enjoy what you're doing. And that's all part of the process as well.
Jey (27:38.114)
Yeah, 100%. And ultimately as parents, like your dad can't control the outcome of how you do, you know, and that just puts more pressure on you to perform because you know, that's, you know, the reaction you're going to get from there. If you lose and you know, you're going to get a negative reaction. If you win, then yeah, you're going to get a positive reaction. So you're compensating to a point to make sure you get a good reaction because that's how you, then you're going to set assess. No.
Robert (27:38.186)
If you're not enjoying this, then it doesn't matter what the end product is going to be because you're not enjoying what you're doing.
Robert (27:51.054)
Mm-hmm.
Jey (28:08.034)
Like how you're going to connect, that's the word. How you're going to connect his love for you is through that. So his love is in that instance, not saying he is, I'm sure you and your dad have worked through all that and figured all these things out. Um, but like essentially with our kids, like if we're focused on the product, okay, they know we're focused on them getting going two for three in that game and making no errors and things like that.
And then let's say they go two for three, but they committed two errors. Well, crap. When I get back to that car after the game, I failed. I failed myself. I failed dad. I messed up. He's not going to love me. Not going to support me. He's going to be mad. He's going to be angry. He's going to yell something negative is going to happen. Right? He's going to totally forget that I did do really well. I went two for three, which was my goal was to go two for three. And I got on base four times.
Robert (28:49.727)
Mm-hmm.
Jey (29:04.134)
Cause I walked the other two times. So technically I was two for two, but that doesn't matter. Cause I made the two errors. Why would he care about how I was able to discern the strike zone or be able to control the count or control the play or have a good eye or get on base. And then I stole a base, but he's only going to care about the two errors. So he cares about.
Robert (29:32.498)
That's exactly it. It's, yeah. And I, and that's, you know, you described perfectly the relationship that I had with my father, but in golf terms, it, you know, I could have played, you know, a good round, but it came back to, well, you should have done this, and this better. Well, had I not done this, and this, I probably would have played worse. So, you know, there was that where I actually, you know, had my good holes and I hit good shots here and there.
Jey (29:53.506)
Yeah, how come on part how come on hold for you? We drove at 250 yards when you knew you needed to drive at 280 Versus now you're 25 yards behind so you part that hole, but if you would have drove at 275 You likely would have birdied that hole instead
Robert (30:01.206)
but the focus was on...
Robert (30:08.403)
Exactly.
Robert (30:15.89)
Exactly. And with my daughter's the approach it's taking, you know, it's kind of like a, I guess like a sandwich, you know, it's good, bad, good. And in that bad, I just want to not beat them down on it. But hey, like, hey, what was your, and, you know, there's not really a whole lot going on right now. But if it gets to a point, hey, what was your thought process on this or what happened? What can you do better to fix that? And let them be the ones if they get frustrated with themselves because...
Jey (30:44.054)
100% and that's what we should do as dads and as parents is we provide that confidence and that support that they need. Like should we still be there at the sporting event? Absolutely. Should we say, should we focus on the good versus the bad? Like, hey, you know, you did great at the plate today. You did phenomenal at the plate today. You know, you made those two errors, but you also made 10 good plays. So don't let those two folks get you down. Like
Robert (30:44.67)
of the things they did and me be the person that's just gonna always encourage them and give them the confidence that they need.
Jey (31:09.018)
Maybe we'll put in a little bit more time practicing before your next game or maybe some more ground balls or maybe some more throwing practice we can do together. Just to, you know, build you back up. We'll get it together though. Don't worry about it. Instead of, why the hell did you have two errors? Like, you're so much better than that. Like, what were you thinking? Why weren't you focused? What was going through your head? Because then that kid is going to hear, oh, dad doesn't love me, he doesn't care. Like, that's not fair.
Robert (31:22.791)
Mm-hmm.
Jey (31:38.702)
Not fair to our kids.
Robert (31:42.838)
Yep. Exactly. And what I love that you use there is the first scenario, you said, we, we're going to take more ground balls. We're going to figure this out. We're going to do this together. And the second scenario was you messed up. You did wrong. You did this. And I love the we thing because that makes them feel like, you know, we're in this together, we can do this together. We got this rather than it's all on me. And like you said, you know,
I'm, they are gonna base their love, our love for them on how we react to what they're doing.
Jey (32:13.422)
100%. That's exactly what it is. And, you know, we don't need to raise perfect children because they're imperfect by nature. I mean, we're created as imperfect beings. We're created as imperfect beings. We're created as beings who mess up, who fail, who are not perfect. You can't look at one person on this earth today that's perfect. Nobody, nobody at all.
Robert (32:31.191)
Mm-hmm.
Jey (32:41.202)
thoughts and everything, no one's perfect. No one's perfect. There's some people that have a better moral compass and other better judgment than others and some that are doing better than others, whatever. But ultimately like, okay, so like, I'm still doing just fine over here too. Like I'm good. And that creates a sense of judgment and a sense of judgment and entitlement among people because
Robert (32:46.303)
Yeah. Oh, 100%.
Robert (33:05.125)
Mm-hmm.
Jey (33:09.466)
We can be judging ourselves. We compare our kids to other kids. Like, oh, well, Billy and Susie are doing great on the field, but my kid's a little bit slower, can't throw as far. So my kid's obviously not as good. So maybe I just need to pull them out of the sport. But.
Jey (33:30.506)
I don't need to pull them out of this sport because they enjoy it, they're having fun, they're learning, they're growing. So what? Doesn't matter. And so we judge ourselves as parents and we judge other people's parenting and it's like oh what are they doing different? What's in their water? Kind of thing. What are they doing that I'm not doing?
Robert (33:38.251)
I mean.
Robert (33:53.79)
Yeah. One thing I've taught my daughters, or well, I'm teaching them, is and something that I've had to learn is when you go down the path of comparing yourself to others, that's when you're gonna be harsh on yourself because there's always gonna be someone that's better, there's always gonna be someone that's faster, there's gonna be someone that's smarter, someone that's younger, someone that can jump higher, someone that's big or smaller.
Like you said, there's nobody that's perfect. The person that I want them to compare themselves to is themselves. Are you better today than what you were yesterday? What are you doing today? That's, you know, 1% better than what you, the person that you were yesterday. If you're doing something that, you know, is 1% better than yesterday, then, you know, that's all I can ask for. And I haven't taught them this, but, um, I had learned, heard this on a podcast one time, Ethan Supplee, he was, uh,
He's an actor, he has a podcast. I can't think of his podcast right now, but it's a health podcast. He was in Remember the Titans. He was the big, heavy set guy and lost a bunch of weight. In one of his podcasts, he talks about killing your clone. The person you are today, would you be able to kill the person that you were yesterday? So are you better than what you were yesterday? And that's all.
That's all I can ask for as a parent. As long as you are better today than what you were yesterday, I've done what I can do for you, and that's all I can ask for.
Jey (35:19.306)
I think that the way to apply that kind of with our children is like, let's say the last time you went to Walmart they had a really hard time not touching things or they kept asking over and over and over again for something even though they knew they weren't gonna get it and Then you go into the store you're going driving there and be like, hey, let's are we gonna let's try to be better than We were last time, you know, like last time we went to Walmart, you know, it was kind of hard you know this happened and this happened like
Do you think we can do better this time kind of thing? Yeah, dad, I can do that, I can do that, I can do that kind of thing and then you go through the trip, things are better. Don't just ignore that. When you get back to the car, like, hey, you did it. Like, I appreciate you being so good in there. Like, you were, like, that was such an improvement. Like, that was so good. Like, great job kind of thing.
Robert (36:07.626)
Mm-hmm.
Robert (36:21.182)
Yeah, my wife and I, we try to do that as much as we can because there are times where, you know, we focus on, not that we focus on the negative, but the negative, and that's just the end of anything. It's so much easier to break down the negative and if there's something that's positive that happens to let that go waste. But something that we try to focus, even just with little things, if, you know, they go through a moment where they're well-behaved or...
something, you know, at the end of it, I catch myself like, hey, you know what, they, like you said, they, you know, they've done much better. Hey, you know, a good job. I really appreciate, you know, how you behaved, how you acted, you know, we did what we set out to accomplish. And, you know, that's awesome. And you can see their little faces light up like, whoa, that is, you know, they feel accomplished with, you know, what they've done.
Jey (37:04.418)
Mm-hmm exactly that's what you want you want them to feel accomplished you want them to feel excited because then You're rewarding the right behavior with the right reinforcement Instead of rewarding the wrong behaviors because the right behaviors that get reinforced the right way are the behaviors that get repeated So you want to repeat the good ones and then there's no need to you know if you see
Robert (37:18.039)
Mm-hmm.
Jey (37:30.774)
another parent doing it a little bit differently, maybe their kids are a little bit more better behaved or worse behaved than yours, there's no reason to judge them. Like maybe they're just having a bad day. How many times have you gone to the store and had a bad day with your kids or gone to the park and had a bad day or gone anywhere and had a bad, not bad day. I don't like the whole concept of bad days. I like bad moments or hard moments or hard, you know, a hard trip or something like it was just a one-off kind of thing.
Robert (37:31.765)
Exactly.
Robert (37:46.402)
Mm-mm.
Jey (37:59.514)
We've all had those experiences with our kids consistently. So there's no need to judge the other parents that are also having it, because it doesn't help when you're just judgingly looking at another parent at the Walmart and you're like, oh, rough kind of thing. Like, oh, good luck kind of thing. It's like, why would you say that when you could very easily say, hey, you got this. This isn't gonna last forever.
Robert (38:27.685)
Mm-hmm.
Jey (38:27.886)
Like keep your head up, you're doing a great job. It's the same amount of words, it's the same breath that you're gonna take anyway, why not use that breath for something positive?
Robert (38:37.639)
Exactly.
Robert (38:44.834)
That's exactly it, because you can change their entire day with just one simple sentence. Because we've all been there. We've all had those moments where our kid breaks down somewhere, and it tends to happen in public, where there's a lot of people around, and you're just feeling like every eye is on you, and you just have that heat coming from everybody. And you're like, man, I am trying to do what I can right now. And it's so hard. And you've seen it. You've seen it with other parents. And yeah, it just takes that moment to say, you know what? You got this. You're good.
Jey (39:10.126)
Yeah, like I've snapped up some people before in the store. I'm like, what, can I help you? Do you wanna deal with it? Is this your kid? Okay, then no, then leave me alone.
Robert (39:15.618)
You're doing a great job.
Robert (39:24.534)
Yeah.
Jey (39:25.006)
like shut up and move on kind of thing. Like it's not you. But you know, there's also the other side of that too, where you get those weird comments, especially as a dad, if you just go to the store by yourself or you go somewhere with yourself, with your kids, and you get the same kind of like heat checks or you get the...
Robert (39:29.883)
Yeah, no, that's good.
Robert (39:34.598)
Yeah.
Jey (39:53.066)
Oh, look at you or those kind of condescending kind of tones and whatnot. You get those, the same kind of idea, same kind of concept happens. Um, it's like, Ooh, got stuck with the kids today. Huh, buddy? It's like, well, it's like, well, actually I'm a single parent of these two kids, so yeah, I guess I got stuck with them because they're my kids and I have to feed them, so I have to go to the grocery store. So.
Robert (40:16.523)
Yeah.
Jey (40:23.65)
Yeah, I guess I so am stuck with them.
Robert (40:34.782)
Yeah, I never understood that. I don't know if it's a generation thing or what, but my wife and I do a good job of getting, I guess if you wanna say me time or whatever, but there's been many times where she'll go out with her sisters or she'll go through her nails or she'll go do her own thing and she's out doing it and she'll be with friends or whatever it is. And they're like, is your husband okay with the kids? He let you come out?
Jey (40:55.378)
Mm-hmm.
Robert (41:04.382)
And the other one, they have their kids, the other, you know, her friends have their kids. And, you know, she's by herself and she gets that and she's like, yeah, he's fine. And I'm the same way, like, I'm like, don't worry. Like they're my kids. Like I have no problem. I am not, they're not stuck with me. Or when we go out to the store or whatever, and I take them with me, like you said, you know, you get the comments or you get the looks and it's like, no, I enjoy, I'm not, it's weird. I would rather, and my wife and I have talked about this, we would rather have our kids around us.
as much as we can and not have it than the other side of it where we don't have our kids. And we love having our kids around. And I get, you know, some parents just, and I'm not trying to judge them in any way, but that they don't want their kids around. And I don't understand that perspective because I want my kids around me all the time. Yes, they do things to, you know, irk me or, you know, sometimes I'm just like, get away from me, but I want them around.
I can't think of a moment where it's just like, oh, I'm so glad I don't have the kids with me. No, it's, I want my kids around me and I want to be with them.
Jey (42:06.866)
100% and it's like us as dads, like if more people would look at the simple statistics over the last 50 years of males in caregiving roles, like you would see a 80% increase in men who report changing diapers or getting up in the middle of the night or doing all these very basic things that stereotypically men and dads did not do. You would see
a change in like patterns like if you go to a park you see quite a few dads with their kids versus their moms and maybe it's maybe some of that is especially on the weekends that's when a lot of dads who have gone through a divorce or co-parenting and whatnot that's when they have their kids so that's when they're doing those things so that's where they're going because they know that's a fun thing they can do for relatively cheap or no cost because that just makes sense because
Saturdays the kids were still gonna have the same amount of energy they had Monday through Friday. If not a little bit more because they got a little bit more sleep. And they get to hang out and they're doing they know they can have a little bit more fun, but You know, even during the week you take your kids to the park during the week evenings. You still see a lot more dads who very obviously look tired. I mean they look tired, but they're still engaged with their kids. They're still talking to other dads or they're still
Robert (43:13.273)
Mm-hmm.
Jey (43:31.686)
They're still there doing the things where like before, even statistically or stereotypically speaking, like that didn't happen. It was still the moms taking kids to the park after dinner, taking them on walks, doing these things in the evenings and whatnot and on weekends. It's like, it's just not like that anymore. It's a very obvious look around to really realize that like that's not what's happening anymore. Like there's a lot of dads out there who really, really do care that want to be more involved, however society doesn't let them because of...
Robert (43:45.824)
Mm-mm.
Robert (43:54.473)
No.
Jey (44:02.15)
politics and rewarding. And again, it goes back to that concept I was listening to. And this isn't a left leaning or right leaning podcast forever, but I keep myself very moderate by listening to shows like Joe Rogan or listen to like the PBD podcast. And PBD recently had Bob Woodson on there. Bob Woodson's an incredible speaker, incredible story and whatnot, but he broke it down to when society started rewarding. I want to say it was like,
Robert (44:27.399)
Mm-hmm.
Jey (44:31.91)
Nixon or something Sometime after World War two, whoever the presidents were or something, but I don't remember who but they would reward low income or african-american women for not having a man in the home and Then these other agendas from them were or then pushed, you know
have a kid but you don't need your man and then it would be rewarding to get divorced because you would get entitled to all these benefits then after and whatnot. So it goes back to that concept of rewarding and rewarding the behavior you want to enforce and recreate. But ultimately it's not it's not like that anymore and there's a lot of dads out there who want to be more involved that are very involved that
Robert (45:10.007)
Mm-hmm.
Jey (45:19.998)
deserve to be just as involved as any other mother would be, if not more, because are there a lot of really good moms? Yes. Are there a lot of really bad moms who keep their kids away from their dads to prove a point because they're bitter, because they're upset, or they want the benefits? Absolutely. There are plenty of those as well and it sucks, because dads are one million percent capable of providing at a very equal level.
Robert (45:44.83)
Mm-hmm.
Jey (45:49.75)
as a mother, in a lot of the similar aspects. Does it take more work on R and his fathers? Absolutely, it takes more work on R and his fathers. But do we realize that work is 1000% worth it, and we would do it a million times over? Absolutely, we would. So.
Robert (45:58.802)
Absolutely.
Robert (46:18.09)
Yeah, no, I 100% agree. And something that you'd said that made me think of something is that, you know, this as parents and what we need to understand as parents is like, this isn't our time, this is our kid's time. This is their time to be kids, to grow up. It's not our time to, you know, sleep in or, and there's nothing wrong with, you know, being on your phones or playing video games or watching TV because, you know, I do.
I don't really play video games or anything, but I have my time where I do my thing, but I will sacrifice anything that I'm doing to make sure that I am giving them or letting them do something that they want to do because my time will come back eventually and my time was before them. But right now, this is their time and this is the time that I need to be giving my everything to them so that way they can be kids and be able to enjoy this.
Jey (46:56.764)
Yeah.
Jey (47:04.914)
100%.
Jey (47:08.006)
100% and you have to answer all those bids for your attention. You know, is that going to mean from time to time having to sacrifice and video came game came out? So what, or does it mean you have to reschedule podcasting with your old pal Jay? Yeah, it does. Or you have to take care of other needs and things like that. So you had a rough morning with your kids. So you have to put off a podcast recording every now and then like, yeah, but you have to answer the bids where the bids are being made and
Robert (47:19.384)
Mm-hmm.
Robert (47:31.483)
Yeah.
Jey (47:35.734)
It sucks in our society that not every career profession allows that. Even career paths like teaching don't allow that necessarily because A, no one wants to be a teacher. B, there's more kids than ever. C, there's a sub-shortage and a teacher shortage and there's positions in admin that are filled by not the best people in the system because they're just burnt out. They're tired. Social services burn out. They're tired.
The professions that are supposed to be taking care of the kids and watching out for them and helping them, they're all tired, burnout. It's hard. No one else wants to do it. So there's a limited number of people who have the capacity and ability to do it. But again, there's also that expectation that men have to provide and do these certain things at a certain level to be able to provide now and it's, it's a lot of
Robert (48:08.731)
Mm-hmm.
Jey (48:31.962)
societal double standards, but ultimately message here is that are and will and need and are capable of doing more All they all some dads need is just a chance Although some dads need is a judge saying oh wow this dad is meeting 100% and then some of his burden He's showing up. He's never late to visitation. He's always there on time. He's always doing this thing He pays all his bills. He pays all his support. He's
Robert (48:51.143)
Mm-hmm.
Jey (49:00.354)
advancing his job, he's advanced personally, he's taking really good care of himself, he's has all these character witnesses like you know what I'm gonna give him he deserves a chance. Like there's no reason that it shouldn't be 50-50 right off the bat unless there's other excursion circumstances and that's my belief is if there's no history of abuse towards the kids, if there's no history of
Assault or anything or no criminal history or nothing that would say that this person isn't capable When given the chance even with failure to figure it out then
Why, why not? What's so wrong with that? There's nothing wrong with that. And if he fails, guess what? He's gonna learn from that failure and he's gonna do better. Is he gonna be perfect? No, is the mom perfect? Absolutely not. Because no one's perfect. Our kids aren't perfect, us as parents aren't perfect. So why not? It's a no-brainer, it should be a very obvious answer in our country, yet it's not. But anywhere else in the world.
Robert (49:53.843)
Exactly.
Robert (49:58.647)
Mm-hmm.
Jey (50:09.538)
A, they don't have the issue of one and two half of people getting divorced and then half of kids having to go through a into a co-parenting relationship and then losing their other parent for half or more of the time. Like other countries just don't have that problem because that's not what the country and the people honor value and incentivize people to do ultimately.
Robert (50:41.746)
Yeah, no, that's, that's like you said, I mean, it's why.
why is it from the get-go the mom would be able to get full over the dad? If there's no any outside circumstances or nothing that's preventing, if the dad is just as equally good as the mom and, you know, job and parenting or whatever it may be, it's not fair, you know, it's not fair on the dad's end. And that's just, unfortunately, I mean, any time you hear a couple, and it's just with anybody, even me, if you hear a couple that's getting divorced and they have kids.
you're automatically gonna assume that the mom is gonna be the one to get full custody or more custody of the kids because it's just what we're accustomed to seeing when hopefully we as dads can start changing this narrative on dads that no, we are here, we are more present, we are out here doing our thing to take care of our kids and we're not just going to work, coming home.
sitting on the couch, cracking open a beer, or watching TV, getting our dinner fed to us, going to sleep and doing the same thing the next day. No, we're waking up, cooking breakfast, getting things ready for our kids, getting everything started for them, doing our work, helping them, whether it's taking them to school or helping them with their homeschooling. And then when you're off work, cooking dinner and helping out with the kids. And this is not anything against my wife because we do everything great so equally that.
you know, she is able to do something and I do something else. And we were such a good tag team with that, but it's, you know, with it's a lot of things there's just like, well, dad is just there to provide, you know, the money and mom does everything else. No, that's, that's not how it is now. Mom and dad can both provide money and mom and dad can both provide everything for the kids.
Jey (52:18.706)
Mm-hmm.
Jey (52:27.75)
100% and that doesn't happen overnight like in your guys's relationship like it took you probably about the last seven years to figure it out and it's probably taking a lot of refining a lot of ups and downs with some fighting probably in there some disagreements and some calling each other out like there's a benefit of being together 13 years and there's a benefit of being together six of those years before children to figure some of these things out to realize oh
Robert (52:43.063)
Mm-hmm.
Robert (52:50.803)
Oh, absolutely.
Jey (52:55.214)
he's just as equal as me or she's just as equal as me. Like we can do the same things on the same level or yeah, she's better at cooking than I am or I'm better at cleaning and scrubbing toilets than she is. Or she's a little bit faster at laundry, but she doesn't like doing it and I don't mind doing it. So that's something we found out we're gonna do together kind of thing. And you realize these things over time and it's just working together. And then you do the same with your kids and you're like, oh.
Robert (53:25.001)
Exactly.
Jey (53:25.366)
she's really good at this but she's not great at this so this is where I need to help or but I'm not good at that thing she needs help with but her mom's really good at that thing so that's where she's gonna support her but I can support her really well in this other thing where my wife can't as well because that's a limit and I know that's one of her limits which she's gonna try still but she knows she's probably gonna need to
Robert (53:49.569)
Mm-hmm.
Jey (53:52.13)
rely on me or I'm going to need to rely on her for these different aspects and whatnot of this parenting thing or however that looks for everyone's situation and whatnot. But there is an equal level of capability. That's the moral of the story here. There's an equal level of capability that full people can provide the basic needs, the emotional needs. Is it limited in some aspects? Yes, because we're not perfect. But with hard work and determination and
giving it your best shot 100% of the time. I mean, failure is inevitable, but you're gonna figure it out eventually, so.
Jey (54:34.106)
But Robert, are you ready to wrap us up here and get into the YDP-3?
Robert (54:37.566)
Yeah, exactly. 100% correct. I agree.
Jey (54:42.618)
Well, I did forget to warn you about the YDP-3 before we started recording, so this'll be fun. So the YDP-3 are three questions that I ask every guest toward the end of every podcast, and I'm like, sometimes I prepare you, sometimes I don't. So it's a little bit more fun, if I remember or not. But the first one here is where you're rooted, and that can be taken however you want, but it can be values or...
Robert (54:46.347)
Yes.
Robert (54:53.974)
Ha ha
Robert (55:05.698)
All right.
Jey (55:09.582)
where your roots come from as a person, as an individual, as a family, or whatever that means to you.
Robert (55:24.722)
Um, mine is a lot of culture and values. I am, I'm Hispanic, so I'm half Mexican. My mom, my mom's full blooded Mexican. Her parents came over from, uh, Mexico. My dad is from Chicago. So, um, yeah, I'm Hispanic. And then my wife is full blooded Mexican. Her parents are from, from Mexico. So a lot of what I do is. I don't want to say prideful, but I'm very.
I'm not a fan of the word proud because that sounds like I'm proud, but I am very proud to be Mexican American and I love, you know, sharing cultural things with my daughter and I want them to know that, you know, being Mexican is something that is great and there's so much to our culture and, you know, just as American and not just Mexican American I love to teach them about other cultures but I want them to know where they came from and
their great grandmothers and great grandfathers, how hard they worked in to be able to have us here at this point, you know, that's something I think of that my nana, she was a, you know, she was a cotton picker. She was made at a hotel. And I know that that's not something that she wanted to do, I'm sure. But she did that to provide for my mom. And my mom did what she had to do to provide for me. So that's something that
I really cherish and I want my girls to know, so that way that's something that they can carry on and carry that legacy on that, it's not just about us, it's about the people that came before us.
Jey (56:57.69)
100% and I think that's so important like for me, I'm biracial Caucasian I'm also part African American as well Pacific Islander as well. So I we have a good mix in my family my kids my Kids his mom. She's full Caucasian American kind of thing but my fiance now my fiance now, you know full Mexican and whatnot very much like your wife and
I wanted to ask, do your kids speak Spanish? Or do you guys talk in Spanish?
Jey (57:34.267)
Okay.
Robert (57:36.646)
We try to teach them because my mother-in-law doesn't speak a lot of English and that's how she's able to communicate with our daughters. So we try as much as we can because it's only gonna be beneficial for them as they get older.
Jey (57:37.42)
I love that.
Jey (57:43.97)
100%. And it's interesting for my girls because now both me and my ex-wife, we both are now engaged or married to someone that's Hispanic Latino. So now they're very much engulfed in this culture as well, where they're extended families and whatnot through new marriages or Hispanic Latino. My stepmom from Mexico City, 100% Mexican as well.
Robert (58:03.304)
Oh, okay.
Jey (58:10.318)
So it's a lot of fun learning about these different cultures and whatnot. And trying to teach your kids about it is also, it's just a lot of fun to help them learn about the world in a different way. And remind me, I'm coming over to your house for dinner three times a week. Um, cause I already know it's good. I already know what to expect. So I'm excited. I'll be there. Um, but no, I sec, the second YDP three here is what grounds you. Like what brings you back? What helps you stay focused and level.
Robert (58:23.746)
Mm-hmm.
Robert (58:30.246)
Yeah, absolutely.
Robert (58:47.586)
My kids, they really do. It's not just me. I'm not responsible for myself. I'm responsible for them now too. So everything I do is going to affect them. If I don't wake up or if I call in sick and I miss work and you get written up and you get fired, that's ultimately gonna affect them because how am I going to do my part and be able to provide for them? So just taking care of them and...
and watching them grow and just watching them learn is just something that keeps me motivated, keeps me focused, and keeps me grinding away because I know that it's not just about me anymore. And actually, I love that. I joke with my wife all the time that sometimes I feel like we're living in a real life video game where we have to accomplish these little goals along the way so we're able to...
move on to the next part. So yeah, just them in knowing that I have to do what I need to do to take care of them.
Jey (59:46.49)
Yeah, The Sims isn't too far off from what real life feels like sometimes. If you're a gamer and you've ever played any kind of video games or old PC games, then you know about The Sims. Oh yeah. The last one here is... What's the third question? I do these off of memory. The third one is, if you were to give advice, one piece of advice, just one piece of advice here to the dad that's really down in the dumps in a dark place, and he comes to you and he's like, Robert, look.
Robert (59:56.85)
No. True that.
Robert (01:00:05.599)
Yeah. Oh yeah.
Jey (01:00:16.058)
Man, I'm freaking struggling, dude. I don't know what to do. I'm having a really hard time with my kids or my marriage or whatever. What's your one thing that you're gonna say to him?
Robert (01:00:36.266)
And that's good. I would just, first I'd probably ask him if he needs a hug or something like, because sometimes that's all we need. Sometimes we just need an outlet. Like it may not be something that you're doing, but just you need to get it off your chest. You need to just, you know, as men, we don't, you know, going back to being men in society, and a lot has to do with men where they don't wanna share their feelings and it's weird to.
you know, talk with other guys about sharing your feelings, or it's weird to share things, but sometimes that's what we need. We just need to say, just, hey man, let it out. And after they get it out, they just might be like, hey, you know what, I'm feeling better. And that's all they need sometimes. But yeah, I would just remind them that, you know, one, you're doing great. You're doing great. You know, just take a breath. You know.
Jey (01:01:09.622)
Hmm.
Robert (01:01:32.578)
Your kids love you, your wife loves you. I mean, it's just take a break, take a moment. Life is hard, things are gonna come at you where you're expecting something to go one way and life is gonna throw that curve at you. And it's okay, it's okay. As long as the way I look at it is, it's kind of serious, but I joke with my wife.
Jey (01:02:00.114)
truth.
Robert (01:02:00.926)
As long as we can get to the end of the day and we can keep our kids alive at the end of the day, hey, that's pretty successful because it's a hard world that we live in. But like I said, I would just do that. I would give him a hug, let him get it out, and just say, hey, you know what? You got this. You're going to be all right. Everything's going to be just fine. One step at a time, man. One step at a time.
Jey (01:02:17.106)
I love that man, I love that. Well Robert, thanks for coming on today. It's been a pleasure talking to you. And just remind the listeners one more time where they can find you.
Robert (01:02:34.43)
Yeah, so I'm over on Instagram at the.girldad.adventures. And then you can catch me on YouTube. Same thing. I just started something fun where it's more of a challenge for myself. I'm vlogging every day and posting it the next day. And not a lot of the content is great. It just home stuff or just kind of a lot of home videos. But I set this goal for myself because
Sometimes I catch myself lacking in things and not keeping promises to myself. So I really wanted to do this promise and keep this promise to myself of, you know, vlogging every day, you know, whether it's 10, 20 minutes and then posting the next day. So yeah, so over on Instagram, V.GirlDad.Adventures and then same thing on YouTube.
Jey (01:03:12.306)
I love that man. Well, thank you so much again for your time. I have a freaking fly that's been bothering me the whole time. We've been talking. If you've seen if you're on YouTube, you see me swatting at the screen. I'm swatting out a stupid fly that's been I don't know where it came from. Probably from letting my dogs out earlier. Got in the got in the house. But no, seriously, thank you for your time. It's been much appreciated. And we'll let the audience do their thing.
Robert (01:03:24.621)
That's all good. I have.
HAAA
Robert (01:03:35.298)
Ehh
Robert (01:03:39.874)
Thank you, man.
Sweet.