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60: Girl Dad Adventures- Robert



In this episode, Jey and Robert discuss their experiences as fathers of girls and the joys and challenges that come with it. They emphasize the importance of letting their daughters be kids and encouraging them to have fun. They also discuss the different personalities of their daughters and how they navigate parenting approaches accordingly. The conversation highlights the significance of building confidence in girls and teaching them to overcome failure. They stress the importance of focusing on the process rather than the end product and avoiding comparisons and judgment. The episode concludes with a discussion on rewarding positive behavior and encouraging self-improvement. This conversation explores the importance of having kids around and the desire of dads to be more involved in caregiving roles. It discusses the societal changes that have led to an increase in male caregiving and challenges the double standards and expectations placed on dads. The conversation also highlights the need for equal opportunities and fair custody arrangements. It emphasizes the capability of dads to provide for their children and the importance of cultural heritage. The chapter concludes by offering support and advice for dads who may be struggling.

Takeaways

Dads want to have their kids around and be actively involved in their lives.

There has been an increase in male caregiving roles and dads are more engaged in parenting.

Societal norms and expectations often limit the involvement of dads in caregiving.

Equal opportunities and fair custody arrangements are necessary to support dads in their parenting roles.

Dads are capable of providing for their children and should be given the chance to be actively involved.

Chapters

00:00 Introduction and Fatherhood Journey

02:44 Raising Daughters and Letting Them Be Kids

05:09 Different Personalities and Parenting Approaches

08:08 Building Confidence in Girls

10:01 Comparing and Judging

13:31 Focusing on the Process, Not the Product

19:04 Challenges of Raising Girls

21:32 Teaching Girls to Overcome Failure

25:40 Modeling Confidence and Support

27:38 Avoiding Judgment and Comparisons

31:09 Rewarding Positive Behavior

35:19 Encouraging Self-Improvement

39:25 Dealing with Judgmental Comments

41:04 The Importance of Having Kids Around

42:06 Increase in Male Caregiving Roles

43:13 Changing Societal Norms

44:02 The Impact of Politics and Rewards

45:10 Dads Are Capable of Providing Equally

46:18 Prioritizing Kids' Time

47:08 Societal Expectations and Double Standards

48:08 Limited Career Paths for Dads

49:00 The Need for Equal Opportunities

49:53 The Capability of Dads

50:47 Unfair Custody Arrangements

51:45 Changing the Narrative on Dads

52:27 Learning and Growing Together

53:25 Teaching Kids About Culture

54:37 What Grounds You

59:56 Supporting Dads in Dark Places Transcript: Jey (00:09.05)

Alright, we're cooking with grease, we're cooking with grease, cooking with oil. Is that the saying? Is it grease or oil? I think it's cooking with oil. But anyways, welcome into another episode of the Young Dad Podcast. I'm Jay and joining me today is Robert. Robert, how are you man?

Robert (00:22.686)

I think it's oil, cooking with oil. Cooking with oil.

Robert (00:32.126)

I'm good, man. It's Saturday, it's the weekend, it was a great week, but yeah, man, I'm good, I'm good, thank you.

Jey (00:32.75)

Saturday fun day, weekend fun days, the lone time that we get to actually sit down and record a podcast and talk for a little bit more time because being parents, the week is kind of a cluster of fun as it goes through.

Robert (00:59.21)

Yeah, sure is the weeks. Man, those weeks fly by because we're doing so much. We're so busy between school activities, work. Just, yeah, it goes by fast, but yeah, it's crazy busy. That's for sure.

Jey (01:06.746)

But I wouldn't have it any other way, you know? There's no other way I would rather have it. Between school, school extracurriculars, extracurriculars outside of that, sports, work, being a dad, wouldn't have it any other way. Wouldn't have it any other way.

Robert (01:27.806)

No, yeah, I hear you and I'm the same way. I absolutely love, I love this. I love being a dad. I love getting to, and the dad of two girls, man, it's such a blessing and it's, I mean, it's the greatest, I mean, I don't know if you want to call it a job or whatever, I mean, whatever you want to call it, but yeah, it's the coolest, greatest thing out there.

Jey (01:47.014)

Absolutely, 100% especially being a girl dad. But it's the best. But we'll jump into that here shortly. Robert, I wanted to introduce you to the listeners in case they skipped over the intro, because I'm guilty. I skip over intros just to get to the good stuff, get to the podcast. Sometimes I'm short on time and I just wanna get into it. But if they skipped over the intro, I introduced your Instagram page, the.girldad.adventures. And it's a pretty simple page overall.

You know, you want to encourage other dads to show up, have fun with their kids. And that life is too serious and that we just need to let our kids be kids and we need to be kids with them sometimes. So Robert, that's a little bit about you, but go ahead and tell us a little bit of more about you, your fatherhood journey and anything else you want to share about yourself to kick us off here.

Robert (02:44.966)

Yeah, man, absolutely. Thank you. Yeah, I mean, so I'm, you know, before the kids, I'm married for 10 years. We just celebrated a couple weeks ago, my wife and I. We've no need. Thank you. Yeah. Yeah, that's something that flew by. It seems like it hasn't been 10 years because it went by so fast. But at the same time, you know, it's crazy how it has been 10 years. We've been together for 13 years. So that's been one heck of a journey.

Jey (02:48.346)

Congratulations, that's a huge milestone.

Jey (03:05.529)

awesome.

Robert (03:14.97)

And yeah, so I have two girls, two daughters, a seven-year-old and five-year-old that keep us active, keep us busy. My seven-year-old, Juliana, we call her Juju. She's really into baseball. She loves playing video games on her iPad. She's, you know, always creating new things and doing new things. I love, you know, love her creative side and the things that she does. And then our youngest, Leah, we call her sister, being the younger sister.

Jey (03:37.294)

Yeah.

Robert (03:44.598)

But yeah, she's man, she is, she is a funny, funny one. She loves to joke around. She loves to mess with us, play pranks, you know, mess with us all the time. So she's really into gymnastics. So, you know, like we were saying, we stay so busy between the baseball practice, gymnastics, baseball games, school. Fortunately for us, you know, we have the opportunity that we can homeschool our girls.

I do work from home full time so that allows me the opportunity to be able to take care of them at home and help them out with their homeschooling. And then my wife is into substitute teaching right now. She does that a few days a week and then she also takes over on the homeschooling. But my journey as a dad, it's something that I've always wanted because I...

I'm the oldest of three, so I have two younger sisters, and I've always had this leadership thing where I just want to help others out, help others out and take care of others. And that's how I've always been. And when I blessed the opportunity to be a dad, it's been the greatest thing ever because I get to grow with them. And like you said with my Instagram page, it's something that...

I get to grow up with them and I get to experience being a kid with them again. And I get to see it from a whole different perspective, which is something that's awesome and something I really enjoy.

Jey (05:09.634)

100% man and I love that and I don't know if it's the thing for you, but my second one my little one she turns she's three and She is the More feral of the two a little bit crazier a little bit more energetic a little bit more Bold If you would but I don't know if your second girls like that too, but mine is she's out there. She's

Robert (05:30.51)

Mm-hmm.

Robert (05:35.615)

Yeah.

Robert (05:41.994)

Yeah, she is, man. She, the oldest, she's, they actually, their personalities match my wife and my personality. So the oldest is a lot like me. She's very cautious, very careful. She's, you know, very emotional. I'm a very emotional person, you know, I, you know, with our feelings and everything. And our youngest is a lot more reserved like my wife, but yeah, she's really like adventurous and eager to do something and try something. And she's, you know, jumping off.

you know, walls onto the ground or jumping into like a swimming pool where my oldest is like kind of trying to step into it, kind of assess everything. And the youngest is like, nope, let's just let's just go in and we'll see what happens.

Jey (06:17.41)

100% yeah, no my oldest she's the same way loves baseball loves her certain set of activities like it's a certain set It's a defined set. It's like I like this. I don't like this. I like this I don't like this and it's all those things and she's the same way like okay. I'm gonna I'm gonna tread it out She's the she has like she looks like me and she has my logical side of Like my thinking like how she does things very logical very methodical very thought out

Robert (06:31.484)

in here.

Jey (06:45.434)

like goal-oriented, plans things out, just very, very thorough thinker, which is very much like me in a lot of ways. Looks like me, just so many similarities between me and her. That interest that we have, everything aligns with us. My younger one, she's...

Robert (06:54.21)

Mm-hmm.

Jey (07:05.75)

the same way. She will just jump into a pool. She'll jump off a couch. She'll climb on a wall. She'll run around. She'll take her pants off in public. She'll pull her shirt up in public. She'll do whatever she wants, whenever she wants. And she has the wild side of my personality, which like, I obviously don't have anymore, but it's like some of the things she does, my fiance now, she's like, you know, D looks like you, but P acts like you, where she'll just like...

Robert (07:25.448)

I'm out.

Jey (07:35.773)

I'm pooping!

or just like runs around with her pants off or just farts or just does something just whatever she says whatever and i love that about her because it just creates so much joy and like balance between the two of them and when they fight oh they fight because they're so different one's a cancer one's a scorpio i don't know what that means in retrospect to everybody but they're one's more emotional and one's

Robert (07:41.899)

Mm-hmm.

Hahaha

That's funny.

Robert (07:58.498)

Thank you.

Robert (08:04.282)

Mm-hmm.

Jey (08:08.634)

very much more impulsive and the impulsive is more like me so sometimes i'm just laughing because she got under her sister's skin because it's so easy because she is so highly emotional and sensitive nothing wrong with her she gets that more from her mother than me but it's just funny how different they are it's just funny

Robert (08:38.622)

Yeah, it is. It's crazy. I completely agree with you. Yeah, mine are, they're so different and they do have their, you know, things that they're so alike. And, you know, I was thinking about when you're talking, when they're fighting, it's true. I mean, one minute, you know, my wife and I are in a room and we hear them laughing and ha ha. And literally, you know, 10 seconds later, they're yelling at each other and I don't want to talk to you. I'm not your friend and this and that. And it's like, you guys are just playing. How are you fighting now? This. So.

Jey (08:59.798)

Exactly, exactly. It's so crazy, especially like having two girls that are within a couple years of each other. I think mine are like two-ish years apart or so. No, three-ish. Two and almost three, whatever. But they're really close in age. They're in that same kind of age range that yours are. And they'll do the same thing, like all of a sudden they'll just be quiet in their room watching Pokemon or something. And then the next thing I hear is just...

Robert (09:13.667)

Mm-hmm.

Robert (09:25.748)

Thank you.

Jey (09:27.118)

yelling and screaming and kicking and crying and everything's going crazy the dog's got the zoomies now and

I don't know what just happened three seconds ago and then all of a sudden there's crying and then there's more crying and then there's no crying and then there's crying and I don't know why everyone's crying all of a sudden because I don't get it because I don't know what's going on.

Robert (10:01.382)

Yeah, it's the same over here. I think it's just that the oldest and youngest and the first and the second and the personalities they get from each parent and yeah, it's and you know, kids are kids and they sometimes just have no filter and they just they just go all out and it's It's funny to see sometimes but there does come a point where my wife and I do have to step in and just like hey You know you go to one room you go to the other

Jey (10:24.878)

Yeah, go take some space. You stay over here with me. And the thing I love about both my kids, but as they both show me like a different side of like life, they both show me like, okay, maybe I do need to be more cautious in certain situations or maybe I do just need to just like chill, relax and just laugh and just have fun. Like my little one, she does that so well with.

Robert (10:30.486)

Chill out for a couple of minutes and then they'll be back to playing.

Yeah.

Jey (10:54.326)

all of us with me, my fiancee and her sister, where it's just like, she will literally say to her older sister when she's upset or getting upset, it's not that deep. I taught her to say that, but she just says it randomly now. She just goes, Sissy, not that deep. And the older one gets mad at her and like, dad. And it's like, well.

Is she right? Is it not that deep? Do you really need to be so serious? And I think that's the best thing about the younger one for me is that she just, she's just a reminder all the time. Like just laugh, just have fun. She hear music, just start to dance. She literally, she hears random music. She will just start dancing her little dance moves, just wherever she is. Doesn't care. And it's just such a good reminder. Like just

Just enjoy the music, just enjoy life. Don't take it so seriously. Like it's not that serious. And that's the best thing about kids is that they don't understand how the different seriousness of situations and things like that are because they just, they haven't lived that experience and whatnot or seen the things that we have as adults or been subject to the media and things like that we are, but they just remind us like, not that serious all the time. Like just...

Robert (12:21.706)

Yeah, it's... No, you're absolutely right. I mean, they, you know, there's been many examples with my girls that, you know, I, you know, we have our own stresses and our own things that we're worried about and they just, you know, it's, you know, they, like you said, it's not that serious to them and they just live life and they have fun and I think that's the greatest thing about them is that they can, you know, something that we can learn from them.

Jey (12:33.395)

Go, go, go.

Robert (12:50.678)

that life isn't that serious and that we can't be and not take it so serious and just to enjoy the things, enjoy the things that with life, because we're not guaranteed tomorrow, we're not guaranteed the next hour. So why are we gonna spend every moment, whether it be mad, frustrated, worry, sad, just enjoy life, enjoy the moments that we have and cherish the moments that we do have right now. And kids...

kids really do show us that because like you said, they have the innocence to them because they're not exposed to everything as they shouldn't be because they're kids, they shouldn't be exposed to that kind of stuff. So, being able to live through them in that way really changes your perspective on life.

Jey (13:31.534)

100% and that's so important especially with having little girls and raising them in this world like They're gonna be subject to enough sooner than later Like let them fully enjoy the years where they can dress however they want before they're getting judged by their peers Let them do whatever they want with their hair Let them do the things that they want to do so they're comfortable and so they build that confidence at a young age to like My older daughter. She loves to wear pants leggings

Robert (13:47.914)

Mm-hmm.

Jey (13:59.846)

whatever, and a Pokemon shirt. Half her shirt drawer is Pokemon shirts. And I buy them, I supply them, her mother doesn't. And it's very obvious probably to the school, like the weeks that I have her and the weeks that her mom has her because she wears jeans or leggings and a Pokemon shirt. Jeans or leggings and a Pokemon shirt. Five out of five days during the school week when I have her. And it's a fight in the mornings to try to get her to wear something else.

Robert (14:19.723)

I'm gonna go.

Jey (14:29.466)

Wear a dress, no. Won't wear a long sleeve Pokemon shirt, okay, whatever. But let them wear it, let them experience, let them just have fun, let them build that confidence because that's so important, especially as girl dads, having young girls where they're gonna go into a world and a society that judges them for every little thing they do, say, look, how they look, when they look.

where they go, how they go there, everything like that. They're gonna be judged so harshly by society and societal expectations. And if they don't have that confidence even going into it, then they're gonna succumb to a lot of these expectations and it's gonna be overwhelming. And then, you know, from there, things happen like different mental health things, different, you know, you can go into eating disorder, you can go into...

trying to look a certain way to fit a certain narrative perspective, then there's on top of that abusive relationships, narcissistic relationships. You know, they get emotionally, verbally, physically abused because they just put themselves into the subject. And that really relates back to the whole idea of, you know, setting the example. So I heard this recently, I was watching Love and Logic. They're a great resource on YouTube for all parents and even teachers and whatnot to learn. But.

Robert (15:24.393)

Mm-hmm.

Jey (15:51.046)

This video, it basically was teaching how we can deal with like defiant behavior. And this was the weird part of it is that they weren't directly talking about if your kids being defiant do this, they don't do that. They go to the root issue. They broke it down to this really cool concept of if you're acting like a doormat or if you're perceiving yourself as a doormat, you're going to

Robert (15:55.384)

Mm-hmm.

Jey (16:20.826)

get treated like a doormat because others will pick up on that. And then right away I thought, Oh yeah, that's so true. Because when I was managing people working in these different retail jobs, like I knew which employees of mine I could tell, I could tell to do this, that, or that, and they would do it. No questions asked. I knew other employees where I would have to like one or two things or a little bit more of an asking approach or. Lierd kind of things like that, because I knew like

Robert (16:30.133)

Mm-hmm.

Jey (16:49.85)

That's where their values lie and how they were going to be treated and whatnot. I knew how the other ones would be treated as well. Um, and so it's really important that we model that because our kids are going to walk all over us or talk to us a type of way or treat us a certain way if we're allowing them to see us as a doormat. And they're like, well, mom was a doormat or dad's a doormat. So that's kind of where I learned it from, where I learned this behavior. So I'm a doormat.

Robert (16:53.389)

Mm-hmm.

Jey (17:19.958)