Transcript:

Jey (00:07.804)

Yes, our Live in the Studio audience is so excited you guys are here. Welcome into another episode of the Young Dad Podcast. I'm Jay and joining me today are the hosts of the Motherhood on Cut podcast, Kate and Deb. How are you guys today?

kate kripke (00:22.649)

So good. Thanks for having us. Especially after that amazing audience intro. We feel so grateful to be in front of this live audience.

Jey (00:33.544)

Yeah, the live audience, I mean, obviously you guys can see them because we're recording, but the people can't see them because I hide them from the people. They don't want their identity seen. They just get paid to clap and cheer and laugh and stuff. So, you know, it is what it is. But I'm so happy that you guys are here. I'm a fan of you guys. I'm a fan of your show. I'm a fan of what you guys do. And I'm honestly just really happy to have you guys. The listeners don't know about your show, Motherhood Uncut. It's an educational and humorous show.

hosted by two lifelong friends. I mean, you guys are in the same room and you guys just have real talk about motherhood, which I love honestly, and being able to share that perspective because I think it's really helpful for dads and men to get a real perspective of it from the other side to hear both sides, to understand like, okay, I'm going through this, I'm feeling this way. I wonder what they're feeling and to get that perspective. So I think it's a little bit easier for

my listeners to have it come to them. So I'm really excited you guys are here. And I like what you guys said in your questionnaire about what it means to be moms. It means being willing to be uncomfortable in order to love fully. I think that's so true. So Kate, Deb, tell us a little bit about yourself, your show, and does anything else you want the listeners to know about you guys?

kate kripke (01:36.085)

amazing.

kate kripke (01:49.509)

You know, I love getting all gender perspectives of this. And I often am reminded that we're so much more like than we're different. And when we actually come from that place, there's so much more room for humor, compassion, curiosity, the things that we believe are the pillars of parenting and just being in the world. So I'll start actually by telling you our story. Perfect. And that goes. Great. So Kate and I actually met,

a long time ago. Our babies were babies. Yeah, so probably 15 years ago. And we happened to be in the same office. And we met having lunch and blah, blah. And then it was a slow build. We both had babies. And then Kate was pregnant with her second. And I wasn't even pregnant yet with my second. So we were just both therapists in the world. Kate specializing in postpartum mental wellness. And I was focused on couples and individuals.

Jey (02:34.217)

Love that.

kate kripke (02:48.805)

around connection and relationship and sexuality. And we were just like juggling, right? We were juggling. So anyway, long story short, our relationship was this slow, beautiful build. And eventually we introduced our husbands and then our families really merged and we became kind of a village mentality. And we really believe in villageing in every way. And we were truly trying to live that and giving our kids, other aunties and uncles that were close.

because we both live far away from family. And anyway, our podcast actually grew from sitting at a pool day after day, one summer during COVID. Yes, and let me just say, sitting by a pool and hiking and making meals together and waking up in the morning with our coffee and drinking a glass of wine too. It was like this conversation over and over. Over and over.

where we were much more interested in talking about our mothering than talking really about other things. We weren't interested in talking about other people. We weren't necessarily processing our friendships. We were actually processing our relationships with ourselves as mothers, our relationships with our partners, our relationships with our kids. And every now and then we'd be like, God, this would be a great podcast.

we should be recording this conversation. And it started as just kind of a joke and then Kate being Kate who takes everything to the Nth degree called me one day and she's like, I got all the gear. And I was like, okay, she had microphones and all the things and I was like, let's do this. And then it just kind of grew from there. And we were like, let's talk about the things that people don't wanna talk about, like the really uncomfortable things like when you're hardcore judging your kid.

or when you can't really deal with your kids' friends. Things that just kind of go into the deeper layers that are uncomfortable. And it just grew from there. We've now had four seasons.

Jey (05:07.228)

I love that. Congratulations.

Jey (06:02.024)

I love that. And that is 100% how it starts. That's how my brother and I started. We would play games and we would just game. And especially after my divorce or like toward the end of my marriage and into my divorce, we would just sit on PlayStation. We played video games. We usually play Madden or 2K or something. And we just played for a while. And then eventually he kept saying like, we should do a podcast because this conversation like belongs on a podcast.

We're just talking about just like all the things, all the random things and getting into it. And so then one day I was just at work, I was working at a bank. So I was working a back office job at a bank and I just had all the ideas, all the names, the first like 10 shows. I'm like, I got it. We're ready. Here we go. He's like, okay, I guess so kind of thing. So very, very similar there, but I think it's so important.

for what you guys do is to talk about the uncomfortable things. Because no one really wants to talk about those. And especially for us three, you know, we understand working in the mental health circle, how important it is to talk about the uncomfortable things. Because someone's got to talk about it. Eventually you have to talk about your uncomfortable things, or they're just going to eat at you.

and they're going to cause more issues that are going to trickle over into your parenting, into your relationship with your partner, into your relationships with your friends, those you're close to. So it's so important to get those uncomfortable things out there. And especially for you guys being able to talk about it from a firsthand perspective, but also professional perspective is also just so, so important.

Jey (07:52.314)

You're fine. I think we're okay. So we'll just keep going forward. I'm not seeing anything that's not allowing it. So.

Jey (08:02.544)

I know, I love it sometimes. I love it sometimes. Everyone's trying to podcast nowadays, you know? Us experienced people who are multiple seasons in we're like, come on. There's no room on the boat for you guys.

Jey (08:24.649)

Yeah, same.

Jey (08:40.888)

And I love that and that's so accurate for me. I mean mine looks cool because I have this whole Mike boom and stuff. So I look like I know what I'm doing but I really have no clue what I'm doing. But that's so true with like parenting at the same time, you know. And different kids with different needs. Like we each have multiple children so each of those kids has different needs. They're each going to need a different style of parenting from us. And I think that's a big thing when parents go from one to two.

is that this kid's gonna be pretty similar at the beginning, but once they start to babble, it's out the window because that kid's gonna be totally different. Like my second, she is wild. She is untamed, she is feral, she is just crazy. I love her because she's super fun, but my other one, she's very highly, she's highly intelligent, which means she's also highly emotional.

and she feels things deeply, she takes things very seriously, she takes everything to heart, she doesn't like being called any names or being played with or joked with or anything like that, she can't just laugh it off. Where opposed to her little sister just laughs and jokes and

Jey (11:29.708)

Thank you. No, thank you and I love that. And it's, I want to talk more about that. What like for a heart centered relationship, if take us into that, cause I can feel that's a lot of what you guys do work on, especially you Deb and some of your one-on-one stuff and Kate and some of the stuff you do as well. So what are some of those like founding, like core things that you two work with your different, in my work, we say peers, we don't say clients, but with your like clients and people you meet with, like what are the things that

you guys really try to get down to like some of your core and guiding principles.

Jey (13:36.524)

I love that.

Jey (16:33.708)

I love that. And that's so important because both parents, moms and dads, I feel, we feel almost guilty for giving ourselves back that energy. And especially dads, we feel guilty for putting that energy back into ourselves because we're cha and we're trained like, oh, you have to put your energy in this place or give it to work, give it to your kids, give it to your partner. I actually saw this really cool concept of a tattoo that's based in like Greek mythology.

Just a man who's just a skeleton and then he just has his woman and just his wife I assume like in a hug and of course Greek mythology. She's naked and stuff, but Just that he's put all his energy into this like relationship into the family and stuff. So he's just essentially dead Inside it's just a skeleton walking around just like a skeleton with skin and stuff and this like

So I didn't read too much about it, but it's like reading Greek mythology and pathos and stuff like that I don't know a lot about that. So I don't think about the Roman Empire very often, but

Jey (17:52.81)

Mm-hmm.

Jey (18:31.664)

Yeah, so that empty shell that goes across the board, you know, and I think it's a very common misconception That you know, the only dads I feel actually don't have an empty shell or the ones who aren't involved Because I mean i'll call out dads who aren't involved in choosing not to be involved all day long because being a dad's cool Uh, and it's cool to be an involved dad. It's not cool to be a deadbeat dad, but Be involved with your kids plain and simple

unless that was your choice from the very beginning. I'd rather see a man who can honestly say to himself the very beginning, look, I'm not cut out for this. I'm gonna sign away my thing, you go and live your life, find someone else that will be better than I will. This is not for me. I have some friends who have done that, that I still know that I know who have done that. And it didn't change how I felt about them. I thought they were still really cool. Honestly, I had more respect for them.

because they knew that, you know, if they were involved, they weren't gonna be that involved. And so they didn't, no, you're fine.

Jey (19:53.404)

Oh, 100%. I can say that there is one woman that I know, it would be my biological mother, who made that choice very early. You know, I was raised by my maternal grandmother from when I was two weeks old. My brother, he was raised by his fraternal grandparents from when he was about the same age. So, you know, and it was circumstantial and whatnot. That's taken, that's a whole nother conversation to get into forgiveness and...

all the things that came along with that, but that's a whole other thing. But ultimately, you know, I feel that it's easier for men to make that choice and have that choice because as a woman you're carrying that child, so you're bonding with that child, you're literally growing that child, so you're growing all the feelings, the emotions, you're feeling the kicks, the beats, everything. And I think it's a really hard choice that's not, and it's not really given

to women when they're in the hospital, if they even wanna make that choice or they don't know how to access that choice or they're not given that choice. Cause ultimately it is a choice. There are systems in place. There are people who want to adopt, who would love to adopt that little baby and make it theirs. I have talked to plenty of other dads, other podcast hosts who have been on that journey. I can't think of who exactly right now, but I know quite a few adopted parents.

And they're so happy because that's what they ultimately wanted, what they could have as far as becoming parents. And ultimately, it's really hard to see some of these kids that I work with in my line of work who are products of the system, because they've been passed around, bounced around, bounced from mom to dad to caregivers and to foster homes back to caregivers. Different caregivers says, oh, yeah, I'll take a chance. No, no, can't do this kid. No.

take them back, take them back. And it's just a simple phone call and those kids are just being bounced around and it's really sad and ultimately you want the kids to be successful and it takes a really special person in each of these kids' lives to say, hey, I'll take that kid, I'll take it on. But it's really hard because they don't know what they're getting themselves into. They could be taking on a 10-year-old girl that has really hard behavior issues, doesn't understand boundaries, has abandonment issues, so you have to brush your teeth with her.

Jey (22:17.888)

just so she feels safe enough to brush her teeth. And like, there's a lot that goes along with that. And so yeah, it's a whole thing, but honestly I wish that there was more choice given across the board. Like it's a conversation to have that doctors should have with their patients. You know, the baby doctors, I don't know what they're called. Baby doctors, midwives, oh yeah, OBs, midwives should be having, doula should be having with their.

with their patient, like having that real conversation with them, if they're expressing those feelings and looking into the alternatives, because there are alternatives. And if they start early enough, if they start at three months versus eight months, they're more than likely to find a family that'll adopt that baby and take it straight home from the hospital.

Jey (23:16.62)

Uh huh. Yes.

Jey (23:42.101)

Uh huh.

Jey (24:46.344)

No, 100%. So that's actually a love and logic parenting strategy that I work with a lot of different parents about is the choices. Something I'm really into is choice theory itself and that I like to personally spend some time researching and learning about, but choices are, they're so powerful. And it's really fun to work with the family to help them understand giving their kids choices while they're ultimately still controlling the situations. Like, okay, do you want two more minutes or?

three more minutes on your game before... Yeah, no, you're fine. I love and logic. I love that concept of giving choices and turning it around like for the parents as well. Like, hey, you know, you also have the choice and the situation on how you're going to react. Every reaction is a choice. How you're gonna discipline is a choice. How are you going to react? Or if you're gonna be proactive or if you're gonna actually stop for a second and recognize your child getting worked up or...

starting to get to the point where they might melt down or have a blow up kind of thing. If you're invested enough, so these are all choices and I think that's great.

Jey (26:41.342)

I love it.

Jey (27:17.932)

100%.

Jey (27:33.972)

Yes.

Jey (27:54.353)

Of course, it's an independent podcast.

Jey (28:12.052)

Yes, 100%.

Jey (28:24.512)

No, no, no we're not.

Jey (29:21.212)

No, 100%. And I think that's so important. We know we want to teach our kids and we want to teach ourselves to identify it in our kids. But again, it comes back to what we talked about earlier. You have to put that energy into yourself to be able to recognize it within yourself. You have to know your limits. You have to know when you need to take a break, when you need to be like, not right now. Sometimes when my girls want to climb up on me, like when I'm sitting in the chair, like on the couch or something, and they want to cuddle or something. And I'm just like, I can't do this right now.

I'm just like, I can't right now, not right now. So it makes my six year old go off and pout and be sad because she just wanted to cuddle. And I'm like, I just, I just can't like be touched and over that right now. Cause I usually run really hot. I run like hot, just body temperature wise. And it drives me crazy because I'm just hot all the time and I get uncomfortable easily. But it's like, I just, I can't right now. I can't do that right now. Not right now. We'll cuddle later. And then she comes back.

minutes later, it's like can we cuddle now or can we play uno or something else and it's like okay you just then I have to realize she just wants attention. She doesn't just want to cuddle, she wants attention. She just wants attention for something and you know that is what it is so.

Jey (32:12.768)

Yeah.

Jey (32:17.084)

100% my six year old's very loud about that sometimes because her little sister will climb up They have bunk beds. So my little one will climb up to the big one's bed And then I'll just hear from their bedroom I want space get off my bed and it's just loud and it's continuous and the little one starts crying because she doesn't understand Why she can't be up on her bed and then she's not happy and then I have to go in there and I'm like Why are we yelling? Why are we fighting and I'm like, come on get down and she's like no, I want to be on her bed and I'm like

She doesn't want you on her bed right now. And then she starts crying and then everyone's crying. And I'm just like, just get off the bed. Like, let's just get off her bed, give her some space, go on your bed. You guys are still in the same room or whatever. But I think it's really hard for them because they're always like together. Their mother has another child and whatnot, but those two, they're always together. And so they rely on each other. Well, the little one relies on her older sister a lot because she has to, because that's her constant.

You know, that's the one thing that's always there for her. So she always wants to spend time with her follower around, be her little shadow. Do everything like her. Wear all the makeup. Don't even get me started on the makeup with little girls because I can't, I can't. Um, like the doctor even said, because my six year old wore makeup to her last doctor's appointment and the doctor was like, Hey, be careful with the makeup because we don't want that to trigger like any early hormones or anything.

And I'm just like, well, yeah, you try telling this kid to not wear makeup and you come fight that fight with me. Um, and then we'll see. But anyways, um, but no, it is really cool to see like when they're able to communicate, maybe not effectively all the time, but they're able to communicate those things that they're learning and whatnot. So.

Jey (34:08.042)

Yeah.

Jey (34:50.373)

Yeah, 100%.

Jey (35:02.844)

Yeah, right. All right, are you two ready for the YDP3 to close this out here? All right, so the YDP3 is a series of three questions. They're pretty fun, interpret them as you will and answer them however you want. So the first one is where are you rooted or where do your roots run?

Jey (35:56.588)

I love that.

Jey (36:32.66)

Love that. And what grounds you?

Jey (38:15.436)

I love that. Then lastly, the last one here is one that I ask all guests that come on the show. What advice do you have for the mother or the parent that's just in a really dark place? They come into your office, they're just completely rock bottomed out in the dumps. What kind of advice or what kind of things are you sharing with them? Or what are you saying to them to try to bring them out of that a little bit?

Jey (39:38.945)

I love it.

Jey (39:54.936)

Well, you too. Thank you so much for your time today. I really appreciate it. I appreciate all the insights into motherhood and to uncut a little bit and to get into some uncomfortable topics. I think that's really important and it's what I really enjoy doing and to share that perspective with you guys. I really appreciate your time today. Go ahead and tell the people where they can find more of you both.

Jey (41:14.197)

Mm-hmm.

Jey (42:35.552)

Love it. Well, thank you both. Any last thoughts or anything you guys want to add in here or?

Jey (42:43.421)

Of course.

Jey (43:17.956)

I love that. Well, thank you both for your time today. I really appreciate it. It was awesome having you guys Let's let the audience do their thing

Description: You will enjoy this episode whether you're a mom or a dad. Kate Kripke, LCSW + Deb Rubin, LCSW, are the hosts of the Motherhood uncut podcast.  In their touching, educational & humorous Podcast, life-long friends and therapists Kate and Deb bring the real talk about motherhood to the table. In today's episode, we cut deep into parenthood as we dove into being willing to be uncomfortable to love fully. We take a fun, joyful, genuine, and honest approach as we uncut some hot-button parenting topics and get into the episode's meat and potatoes! Overall, it was a ton of fun.    From Your Hosts- Jey and Aaron: Jey is a published Children's book Author! Yes, our very own! Check out his book- A Baseball Game with Dad, LIVE on Amazon right now! ⁠https://a.co/d/6ZXYGGr⁠ We partnered with Fore Fathers Clothing; click the link, read the story, and you will only leave the website with a new polo for yourself or a dad you love. ⁠https://snwbl.io/fore-fathers/Youngdad⁠ JOIN US over on the Young Dad Podcast- ⁠Facebook Page⁠. We would love it if you followed and supported us as we grow and expand the Podcast.  Spotify Listeners: Ask us ANYTHING, and we will answer it on our next show. Also, leave five stars if you would be so kind.  YouTube Audience: Hit that subscribe button, like the video, comment, and share.  Apple Podcasters:  Leave a 5-star rating and a review for us to read on our next show. Other Platform: Rate, review, comment, and share the Podcast with a friend.  Follow us @youngdadpod on ⁠YouTube⁠, ⁠Instagram⁠, ⁠Twitter⁠  You can find us on our website at ⁠ballboymedia.com⁠ Remember to hit our linktree for all our deals: ⁠https://linktr.ee/BallBoyBlog⁠.