TRANSCRIPT:
Jey (00:09.63)
Alright, thanks to our live in studio audience. Welcome to another week of the young guy podcast. I'm Jay and joining me today is Andy Andy. How are you, sir?
Andy Murphy (00:19.239)
I'm doing well, Jay. Thank you for the opportunity to get to talk to you and to your audience. I'm looking forward to it.
Jey (00:24.494)
I'm really excited. This is going to be a really good one for really any parent or anyone that has kids that are online at all. So, or anyone that's online themselves. So I'm really excited. A little bit about you. If the listeners skipped over the intro, which sometimes they do, I do it myself. Sometimes I skip over the intro show just to get into it. But you became a dad about 11 years ago. You live mostly in the Southeast United States. Currently you're in...
East Coast, still correct. You are an author, a father, and an online safety and security expert. So go ahead and tell us anything else you want us to know about you, and then also how you got started in online security and cyber safety.
Andy Murphy (00:55.988)
Yes.
Andy Murphy (01:10.389)
Sure. So, um, it's weird, you know, being a dad, um, online safety and security at my age is not something that I learned from my dad. So this is something that we, as this first cyber generation have had to learn. So this was something that I kind of picked up on and I thought about, um, you know, there's a lot of creepy stuff that happens. There's a lot of, you know, I'm kind of fascinated by how
hackers and red teamers work and how they use social engineering to get people to do things and I thought that was really interesting and then I realized those same tactics are getting used against our children by you know predators and people who do not have good intentions for us and our kids. So I started to learn about how these things work and by no means though I consider myself an expert because I'm always learning. I feel like experts are at the top of their game and they stop learning they stop doing stuff.
I don't want to be like that. I never want to get to the top of the hill and say, Oh, I'm an expert in this. Cause I'm not because it's always learning, especially in this field. It is always changing. So I sat down and I kind of looked at the landscape of what it was like to raise a child in the digital world. And I realized a couple of years ago that I just wasn't where I needed to be. There just wasn't, I didn't have enough knowledge in me to be able to
get my child at this age through the digital gauntlet that is life now. And so I had to sit down and say, okay, well, what do I need to do to make myself better? So I set out on a quest for like the last two years to understand what the real threats were to, you know, a kid being old line, because there's a lot of fake stuff that gets blown up about this challenge or that challenge. And that's not real. It's just internet rumors that parents share because it is so shocking. And that's why it gets shared because it is shocking.
So it was like, okay, what are the real threats? What do I need to focus on? And how do I need to address that in my own home? And then I started to share that with other people as I was learning. And I usually couch it with, you know your children, I don't. So I'm gonna give you this information that I have discovered, that I have found, and then you take that and you use it in your home as you see fit. And I think that's really what people find appealing about the Secure Dad and the Secure Dad podcast. It's not...
Andy Murphy (03:33.473)
Oh, I'm right. And I'm always going to tell you it's going to be this way because it's not, it's not always going to be that way. It's going to be different by the time, you know, what a threat is. Another one has popped up. So it's really just an ongoing education for parents to be able to help them feel comfortable having their kids online because so much of their world is online today.
Jey (03:55.802)
100%. I love that. I also love that about your platform and about you and what you do is that you continue to learn and you continue to keep things fresh and updated because you're right. Online security and cyber safety is changing and ongoing. It's something that changes every day. Predators are trying something new every day online. They're in their little communities online. And then on top of that, that's one thing that is amazing about
Andy Murphy (04:10.345)
Hehehe
Andy Murphy (04:20.627)
Right.
Jey (04:24.986)
your show and something that we really back here at with our show is that, you know, we're going to say these things and Take them for what you will take them into your home for what we will any parenting stuff We talk about relationship stuff any advice anything like that or not the end all be all Or not We never will be
Andy Murphy (04:41.097)
Right, right. And that's a good way to approach people. And I think that's how you find like-minded people, is by saying, hey, this is what we're doing. If you like it, come on. If you don't, that's okay. And if you don't agree with everything that we say, that's totally fine too. But you know, still you're welcome.
Jey (04:58.186)
100% and even if you don't agree like you said, you're welcome come share your thoughts in your perspective with me Like I don't agree with you on your take on pineapple on pizza We're still here today
Andy Murphy (05:11.546)
Well, that's right. Well, I'm sorry, pineapple does belong on pizza and I have enjoyed it for a very long time.
Jey (05:20.622)
Okay, don't age yourself. Be careful. Be careful. You're approaching dangerous territory there. But no, I personally... Pineapple... I like pineapple itself. Like my kids, they love pineapple, especially my little one. She just loves fruits. And so literally, maybe a week ago, not this week, I had her this week, the week before last I had her. So two weeks ago, I had a pineapple that I got from the store, ended up cutting it up. She blew through that whole thing, mostly my little one.
Andy Murphy (05:25.442)
Right.
Andy Murphy (05:31.314)
Yeah. Mm-hmm.
Andy Murphy (05:36.551)
Oh yeah, good.
Jey (05:50.038)
So then she's like, I want pineapple. I'm like, there's no more pineapple. And I'm like, okay, wait, hold on. I had pineapple in my cupboard, like in a can. I just emptied that can into a bowl and she's just sitting at the table just munching the pineapple. I'm like, my goodness, kid. But you put...
Andy Murphy (06:04.769)
Uh huh. Hey, it's, it's better than candy and or anything else out there. So that's great. That's your feeding fruit.
Jey (06:09.362)
100% even if it's from a can I'm just like whatever it's still better, but no pineapple is delicious on its own It's not a topping for food Any food don't put it on food in general like it doesn't mix with anything savory. That's my opinion We all have our own opinions and we're all entitled to those except if your opinions wrong when it comes to this, but Fine, but one thing I learned
Andy Murphy (06:12.105)
Sure. Mm-hmm.
Andy Murphy (06:30.365)
Right. Ha ha ha.
Jey (06:37.342)
I don't know how long I learned this and when it clicked, but it was maybe recently, it was probably in the last three months that predators, they're not at the park anymore because kids aren't at the park. Predators aren't going to schools and watching through the fence and licking their lips and what which one am I going to get today kind of thing. They're not pulling up in white vans anymore. They're not going to the mall and just sitting there with sunglasses and a hat. No they're
Andy Murphy (06:46.723)
Mm. Right.
Jey (07:05.126)
in the chat rooms with your kid on modern warfare. They're in your chat rooms on fortnight. They're in the chat rooms on all these different platforms. They're on reddit. They're where they are exactly where your kids are. Like they're in your home and that was disturbing and I was like oh it made me cringe but so for that what can parents do because with the predators already kind of being in your home and already being able to start their grooming
Andy Murphy (07:08.873)
Hmm. Right.
Andy Murphy (07:22.406)
Yeah.
Jey (07:34.774)
That way, what can parents do to help keep their kids safe with like online gaming? Because that's really popular. Kids play with their friends, everyone has a system. Like what can parents do to help kind of mitigate some of those challenges?
Andy Murphy (07:48.397)
Yeah. So, um, you, you brought up a really good point about, you know, the predators aren't in the park anymore because that's not where the kids are. And if you think about a typical predator prey relationship on planet earth, the predators go where the prey is. If you watch any nature documentary, we're watching some on, um, Disney right now, and it was on these wild dogs and how far they have to go, how many hundreds of miles they have to cover, you know, in South Africa to be able to get.
to something to be able to eat. And while we wanna say, hey, this is all the digital world, this is all online, it's all still the same. The behavior is still the same. So wherever your kids are gonna go, that's going to be where predators are. Now there probably still are predators in the park. They're probably still a white van kidnapping, will happen somewhere, but that's, yeah, that's not gonna be where...
Jey (08:28.896)
Mm-hmm.
Jey (08:37.408)
100%
Jey (08:40.631)
100%
Andy Murphy (08:45.033)
where things are happening now. I did a show not long ago on kidnapping and the whole thing was the whole white van. A white van is going to pull up and snatch your kid off the street because it did happen in the 70s 80s and 90s so that's what we all thought but in doing more research on that I began to see no wait a minute it starts with cultivating a relationship online because it's much easier for your child to want to go with their predator than it is for their
Jey (08:49.984)
Mm-hmm.
Andy Murphy (09:14.089)
The predators work to create compliance in their victims. And so that's what they're creating the relationship for. And so where do these relationships get formed? Well, it's on Roblox. It is on Fortnite. It's on, gosh, there's even, I had, um, Chris had Nagy on and he's head of the, uh, ILF, which is Innocent Lives Foundation. And he was saying that there was during COVID.
There was a homework site, I think it was in the state of Florida that was helping kids, um, with their homework. And that's what it was like teachers volunteering from across the country to be able to help kids with their math homework, which has a wonderful idea behind it, but predators were getting in and the predators were coming in and were actually helping with the math homework. They were actually helping the kids get better at what they were doing. And then on the side, it was, Hey, you know, do you have a discord?
Jey (09:56.034)
Yeah, no, that's awesome.
Andy Murphy (10:09.225)
Do you have an email address? Do you have like, you know, Twitter or something like that? It's another way that we could talk. And that's where the bad relationship began to develop or the bad side of the relationship began to develop. And so he had a pretty stark warning for me and for audiences, like anywhere your kids are going to be online. There are already predators there. Now that does not mean that every single person, uh, online is going to be a predator for your, your child, but just understand that there is.
no safe place really that you're not going to find this type of behavior. I remember when my son really wanted to play Minecraft for the first time. And so I thought to myself, okay, is Minecraft safe? How do we do this? And so I went and I Googled is Minecraft safe for kids? And so, I mean, Jay, what do you think I found? I found all these articles about how it wasn't safe for kids.
Jey (10:41.646)
Mm-hmm.
Jey (11:07.414)
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Andy Murphy (11:08.373)
because that's the information I was looking for. I had tainted my research from the beginning. So I actually, at that point in time, I think I was in a Facebook group with a bunch of other dads. So I asked them and they're like, well, here's our real experience. And so they shared it with me. And sure enough, you know, Minecraft is great. If you have a young kid, I would say, let them go play it. But the thing is, you have to monitor their communication or if they are personally, I think if they're not old enough to handle.
Jey (11:33.154)
Yes.
Andy Murphy (11:38.365)
the online communication aspect of any platform, then they shouldn't have access to it. And you can turn that off in Minecraft Fortnite. Yeah, they can play.
Jey (11:45.438)
Yeah, they can play in... They can play in all offline modes and... Things like that.
Andy Murphy (11:50.393)
Right. Or even with, um, like with Fortnite, my son and I played that a bunch over the summer. Like as long as you don't have a headset, it's not really all that toxic. Um, you can course go find plenty of videos, uh, cause I think, uh, Fortnite just turned six or something like that. There's six years worth of toxic videos out there from kids who just don't know how to handle their emotions, you know, or it's some guy who was on there being creepy.
Jey (12:02.092)
Yeah.
Jey (12:08.568)
Yeah.
Jey (12:12.222)
Oh yeah.
Andy Murphy (12:19.613)
So if you can control that online communication aspect of whatever it is they're doing, they're gonna be able to still enjoy that game and still play and still feel like they're relevant with their friends, but you're just making sure that those predators can't form those relationships.
Jey (12:31.182)
Mm-hmm.
Jey (12:36.586)
Yeah, 100%. You know, that's important. I like how you said you went to Google and you Googled it. That search is tainted. I mean, you go to Google for anything, it's already kind of meh to begin with, you know? Because you can easily, very easily taint your search. Just about the keywords you put in, just about the search you put in. And I don't think a lot of people realize that. It's like, oh, well, I found all this information. Yeah, but did you also look at the other side of it?
Andy Murphy (12:46.088)
Right.
Right. Yeah.
Andy Murphy (12:58.156)
Mm-hmm. Right.
Andy Murphy (13:06.073)
Mm-hmm. Yeah, I found all the information I was looking for because that's the information I was looking for, you know Yeah
Jey (13:06.894)
kind of thing.
Jey (13:12.222)
Exactly. And you tailored that search to you, but then you went back, you went and found the firsthand opinions of others with the same experience, same lived experience, which I think is so powerful. Like in my work that I do, I work in mental health, behavioral stuff as well, work with children, youth and families. And we do a lot of firsthand experience kind of work. A lot of our different peers, myself included, we all have different lived experiences. And those are very powerful when it comes to helping these families because you can relate to each other.
Andy Murphy (13:18.312)
Mm-hmm.
Jey (13:41.706)
You can relate, you can have a different level of empathy for them. Um, and you're truly able to, to connect on a different level to help them see. You know, that you're more than a professional, they're paid, being paid to help them. You're also a person that does want to help them. But beyond that, you know, being able to talk to those other dads, those dad groups, they are tricky. I've talked about it plenty of times. I'm a, I made.
Andy Murphy (14:07.19)
Mm-hmm, they are tricky.
Jey (14:12.142)
for and against Facebook dad group kinda guy. The Bluey dad group on Facebook, love it, love it. Some of the dads only single dad ones.
Andy Murphy (14:15.774)
Mm-hmm.
Andy Murphy (14:19.55)
Hahaha.
Andy Murphy (14:25.147)
Yeah, yeah.
Jey (14:26.082)
They are less than ideal.
Andy Murphy (14:30.097)
Right. That's a polite way to put it. Yes.
Jey (14:33.306)
And yeah, and so actually with what Larry did from as dad as a dad, Tim and I, we actually created our own discord for parents and dadcasters and things like that. And so it's invite only, but we're inviting parents and podcasters and just people in our network that we have right now into that circle to keep it very like safe and secure. Cause we, we know who's coming in because
only him and I are inviting people into it. And it's like we can check them and things like that. So that is another way, you know, to keep your kid circling your own personal circle safe. Cause you don't want to let someone into your own circle that could be unsafe for your children. And I feel that's especially been difficult, not difficult, but something that's been limiting for me as a single parent the last couple of years was
Andy Murphy (15:15.711)
Right.
Jey (15:29.13)
being able to make like social connections and friends just for myself because it's like, well, I don't really wanna make friends because I don't know these people. I don't know how long they're gonna be around and I don't want to bring them around if they're not gonna be around for longterm. So I've just haven't made friends for two years, really outside of a select few that have stuck and been able to say, now I'm engaged, so things are a little bit different, but.
Andy Murphy (15:38.005)
Mm-hmm.
Right.
Andy Murphy (15:52.766)
Mm-hmm.
Jey (15:58.838)
You know, keeping that safety together in general can be really hard. Like when I, when my daughter comes home with a birthday party invite for a kid whose name I've never heard before. I'm like, I like, how well do you know this kid? Like she's six, but like, how, how well do you know this other kids? Like, well, we're kind of friends. It's like, well, I don't think you really need to go. But if it's a name I've heard, like.
Andy Murphy (16:11.622)
Right.
Andy Murphy (16:16.779)
Mm-hmm.
Andy Murphy (16:25.781)
Mm-hmm. Yeah, and that's a tricky thing.
Jey (16:28.918)
But the name I heard multiple times, like, oh, this person, we played this, we played this, I've heard that name over and over again. Oh, yeah, 100%, we're gonna go to that one. Cause like, I've seen that parent at drop off, I've seen them at pickup, I've seen this kid, I know what this kid looks like. And like, I've heard this name.
Andy Murphy (16:37.827)
Mm-hmm. Right.
Andy Murphy (16:42.739)
Right.
Mm-hmm. I think there is a kind of a disadvantage for us as dads because it's usually the moms that make the relationships and you know, they kind of, it's, it's much easier. It's kind of hard because let's say that you get the birthday invite and the mom has her cell phone number on there. It can sometimes be strange for a dad to make all this contact and ask all the questions that are typically, you know, asked by a mom and that sort of thing. I have personally found that I'm like, Hey,
And I say to my wife, Hey, I need you to talk to this person, find out a little bit more of that sort of thing, just to, you know, here's a couple of questions I need you to ask it's because it can kind of be confrontational coming from a dad, I think at times. So that's something else that we kind of have to deal with.
Jey (17:30.838)
Yeah, for me personally, I usually like when I see those invites and I text I'm like, hey, this is, you know, so and so's dad. I just wanted to ask like, what are what's your preference on like presents or gifts and is there anything that you need me to bring? Wanted to RSVP my kids just so you know, is it okay if I bring her little sister? Just because
Andy Murphy (17:39.038)
Right.
Andy Murphy (17:58.73)
Hmm.
Jey (18:00.926)
I have them both, kind of thing. So it has been weird, but at the same time, for me personally, some moms have been more receptive to it kind of thing. And then I end up connecting with the dads anyway when I go and that's who I hang out with. I'm not hanging out with the moms kind of thing. I'm standing around the grill with the dad and talking and chatting them up and things like that. Like, yo, what's up? How we doing? Kind of thing.
Andy Murphy (18:17.105)
Right.
Right, right, right.
Hehehe
Jey (18:30.014)
It's awkward going to a birthday party as a single dad. Because it's like you're very much out of place and like some dads are a couple of birthday parties I went to, the dads were really cool and made it really easy to connect and to not feel as awkward or out of place and whatnot. And the bigger kids take the little one and include her. Well, I make my older one bring her little sister and like, okay, take her with you. Go with her. You have to take her with you. If you're going to play anything, she has to be with you.
Andy Murphy (18:33.981)
Yeah, yeah, I bet.
Andy Murphy (18:46.41)
Good.
Andy Murphy (18:55.486)
Right.
Jey (19:01.339)
She doesn't love it, but she's used to it at this point. Regardless, we kind of touched on it, but how can someone recognize in public how to see when things are off?
Andy Murphy (19:18.389)
Sure. So a lot of people talk about intuition, you know, your gut feeling women's intuition, that sort of thing. This is when your body gives you warning signals about a person or an animal that you see on the street, that sort of thing. I can usually tell people a little bit better about this in an example that I saw when I was out with a walk during
Andy Murphy (19:48.501)
And so I believe that people need to understand how to interpret animals. Because you have encounters like this, you don't necessarily know what to do. So there was this pit bull that was loose on the street. He's running around and he's barking and his tail isn't up. He's not exactly, he's not necessarily barking because he's angry. He's not barking because he's excited. So just after a moment or two of observation, because this dog is between me and my home.
I'm like, am I going to have to go all the way around the block and come back to the other side and hope that the dog's not there because he's at my neighbor's house at the moment. Um, you know, barking with these roofers who were trying to finish this house. And I realized after watching the dog, my intuition told me this dog is not a threat. He's lost. He's trying to get help. He's trying to solicit help from these people. So at that point I felt like it was okay for us to walk by the dog came up and he did. He actually kind of had this frantic look on his face.
Unfortunately, I felt like if I brought him into our house, he would have had troubles with our dogs and that wouldn't have gone well for anybody. So I didn't really get to get a thing on it, but follow up two days later, I saw this dog on a walk with his owners and told them the story and they were. Uh, happy to have their dog back. So he's the dog's fine, but in observing people and how they move and how they interact with you and the environment is important and if something feels off.
Note that don't try to suppress that feeling. Don't just say, Oh, I'm being judgmental. Or maybe the person is another gender than you or another ethnicity than you. And you're saying, Oh, I'm trying to be racist or sexist or whatever it is. At the end of the day, what keeps us safe is how we interpret somebody's behavior. It has nothing to do with how they look or what they wear. It's how they behave. And if there's something in that behavior that sets you off, you need to embrace that feeling.
Jey (21:35.064)
Mm-hmm.
Andy Murphy (21:45.397)
doesn't necessarily mean that, oh, this person is a psychopath and they're going to murder me right here on the street. That just means there's something a little bit off about them and you want to probably keep a good distance, keep a good emotional personal distance from that person and just treat them so that they don't get closer to you or they don't have try to form a relationship with you even if it's a short relationship at a gas pump or something like that. So you need to embrace those feelings especially when it comes to your kids because
A lot of people, I recently had a guy on Mike O'Rourke from AOC and he was saying how denial has an impressive body count. And if you deny what your body is telling you of all the signals that your brain is sending you about this person, you could get hurt. So you don't necessarily have to freak out and run away from somebody you got a bad feeling about.
but you do need to watch these people and respect the feeling that you get. And it's a fine line. It's just something that as humans, the more interactions you have, the better off that you're going to be able to manage this feeling. Our kids don't have that experience that we have as adults who have been around 30, 35, 40 years, whatever. So we need to show them how to behave around these people because our kids in a lot of ways,
They don't know necessarily how a good person behaves or how is different from how a bad person behaves. Because generally we wanna keep our kids around people that we feel safe around. So they might be led to believe that every person is safe and not every person is safe. So when you have these encounters, it's important that your kids pay attention and that you talk to them about what just happened. Let's say you're on your way into a convenience store and a person
Jey (23:23.849)
Mm-hmm.
Andy Murphy (23:42.193)
who looks like they're on drugs acting like they are on drugs being loud and disruptive. And you avoid that person. You get back in the car and you say, Hey sweetie, we avoided this person because they were acting like this, and this. And I felt like things could kind of get out of hand. So that's why we didn't help that person. That's why we didn't give him the money that he asked for those sorts of things. Go over that with your kids. So they understand why you did what you did and it will be a good example for them when they're older.
And they're out on the street and they see a person acting similarly. They have that experience to go back on and say, Oh, wait a minute. And see, that's the way you can keep your kids safe. Even when you're not around.
Jey (24:24.354)
100%. I love that. And also part of that, what if, or not a what if, how do we teach our kids that same intuition outside of teaching them? I feel part of that comes when they start to communicate those things, we honor those, we respect those. You're like, yeah, okay, I hear you, I got you. Yeah, let's avoid, let's leave, let's go this way. You're feeling one way, I might be feeling another.
Andy Murphy (24:40.893)
Right.
Jey (24:50.39)
kind of thing, but we don't want to devalue their perspective or take anything away from them because if we take those things away from them, then they're going to be in denial or they're not going to feel as secure and speaking up if they are feeling unsafe or if they are in a weird situation later in life because they're not going to be essentially trained to know how to do that and that's going to be really difficult for them long term. So we have to value their voices when they're young and when they're learning that intuition and when it's developing.
Andy Murphy (24:53.585)
right.
Andy Murphy (25:10.468)
Mm-hmm.
Andy Murphy (25:15.709)
Right. Yes, yes.
Jey (25:21.982)
Jason, he's the author of Safest Family on the Block. And yeah, and one of his like big safety things for being in public is to teach your kids the three F's. His three F's are a family. So if your kid separated from you at the grocery store, tell them to look for another family. The reason for that is that their parents, they also have young kids, so they probably have at least water or food or
Andy Murphy (25:26.365)
Yeah, I know Jason. He's a good dude.
Jey (25:50.654)
a phone or something to take care of your kid while they're make sure your kid doesn't do anything dumb and they'll be safe or it won't go anywhere. And they won't be approached because they'll just think they're part of that family kind of thing. So they won't keep getting approached by random people. The next one was food.
Andy Murphy (26:01.083)
Mm-hmm.
Andy Murphy (26:15.57)
Mm-hmm.
Jey (26:16.706)
So if you're out walking around in a city get separated they go look for a restaurant Kind of what the restaurants have food water staff phones and everything to keep a child like safe enough until Someone gets there to help
Andy Murphy (26:29.129)
Mm-hmm.
Andy Murphy (26:35.997)
Right. And Jason makes another good point about the restaurant is they will have a first aid kit as well. Um, and then, you know, uh, so that was also a good, I was like, oh, thank Jason just taught me something there.
Jey (26:40.158)
Yes, they will, yep.
Jey (26:46.174)
Yeah, so they have the first aid kit. They have AEDs normally too, depending on the restaurant, the scale. Especially smaller restaurants or more local restaurants, they'll be definitely more open to the community and a restaurant that sees a random kid come in, they'll, I feel like most people would be like, okay, this is weird, this is different. This kid doesn't have anything. Let's take this kid behind the counter or go and sit with them or something like that.
Andy Murphy (27:06.78)
right.
Andy Murphy (27:14.323)
Mm-hmm.
Jey (27:15.414)
to try to figure out. Then the last one is a flag. So any buildings with a flag, with the American flag, anyone with a flag on their uniform, it has to be like a uniform, not just a shirt. And or buildings with flags in front of them, cause then you're going into a government building or you're going up to an official, like maybe a military person or a police officer or a fireman, a fire lady, or whatever those other public officials that serve.
Andy Murphy (27:18.354)
Hmm.
Andy Murphy (27:24.552)
Hmm.
Jey (27:44.674)
So we told them to look for a flag on the shoulder. I believe it's the left side, left side. And then also buildings with flags in front of them.
Andy Murphy (27:47.241)
Mm-hmm.
Jey (27:57.198)
help identify. So those are just easy identifiable and with that, you know, it comes with, and I think you gave a great example, you know, real time, like application and practice of these things is so important for your kid because yeah, they could have seen you avoid it. They're just gonna be like, weird, okay, whatever, um, I'm gonna move on. But instead, when you apply it, you know, Jason, that's when it hits things with the three F's like...
When you're at the grocery store, like, okay, we get lost right now, who are you going to go talk to? Like, spot me a safest stranger. It's not that not stranger danger. His big thing is safest stranger. Like, who's the safest adult? Who is the safest stranger that you can go and approach? Because there's that misconception with stranger danger is that everyone's bad and nobody can help you. When that's implicated, I agree, it's somewhat false. Like, yes, there are bad people. But if you look for...
Andy Murphy (28:36.901)
Mm-hmm.
Andy Murphy (28:46.586)
Right.
Andy Murphy (28:51.524)
Mm.
Jey (28:53.89)
These specific sets of people, those are the three groups of people who are more than likely to help you. And then you can also include store employees and you can ask them, who looks safe to you right now? Oh, the little old lady? Yeah, she looks pretty safe. You know, someone would think that you're her grandkid. So that's a safe, you know, assumption for others to look at. You're not going to get her in trouble. They're not going to get you in trouble. Just a little old lady kind of thing.
Andy Murphy (29:04.462)
Mm-hmm.
Andy Murphy (29:10.749)
Haha.
Mm-hmm.
Jey (29:23.894)
That one dude walking by himself probably not a safe.
Andy Murphy (29:24.137)
Yeah, I was at, um, right. Yeah. And that's the thing sometimes where, um, like if a kid were to ask me for help as a dad, I would absolutely go and help. But generally people say, don't, you know, teach your kids to go look for a mom or somebody who has that family, like you were just saying, and, um, that that'll be a little bit more helpful. And I understand that cause sometimes men are just like, Oh, we'll just go over there and ask that person or, Oh yeah, just go there and do this. And, and that's it.
Jey (29:34.606)
Mm-hmm.
Andy Murphy (29:52.137)
Whereas I think somebody with a family is going to be able to take that kid and make sure they get where they're supposed to go. I was actually at Disney and, um, a little girl came into one of the stores and she asked a lady, um, I can't find my mom. Can you help me? And so this lady was like, Oh, for sure. But you need to go ask the store person because they're, they're going to be the ones that, that help you. And the little girl was like, well, aren't you a mob? And she's like, well, I am.
Jey (30:08.482)
Mm-hmm.
Andy Murphy (30:20.765)
But about that time, the girl's mother comes up and everything's fine and she goes through, so I got to see this practical application of a kid who was told, Hey, go look for somebody who's a mom. And then that person was like, Oh no, wait, let's go to get you another level of care by talking to an employee who has communication. And I'm sure there's a complete workup on how at Disney you, you reunite a child with their family. He was lost on the park. Oh yeah. There's a whole thing about that. Oh yeah.
Jey (30:41.93)
Yeah, there's a whole thing. Yeah, they have walkie talkies and things like that So I think the thinking is right because she found the mom and the mom was like, okay, I'm not equipped to help you She realized that very quickly and she's like, okay, let's take you to the store employee So they're saying go to the store employee. I think she should have said let's go to together Like if you need to hand the child off to someone else because you're not equipped take the child with you
Andy Murphy (30:53.03)
Right.
Andy Murphy (30:58.613)
Mm-hmm.
Andy Murphy (31:02.293)
Yeah. Right.
Andy Murphy (31:10.402)
Right, right, end.
Jey (31:11.018)
and be like, okay, you know, like if a child came up to me at Walmart or something, I used to work at Walmart and all these retail stores, they have code Adams or code, um, code, I don't remember what with code Adam for a boy or girl. Um, but it's like, I know this thing just from my retail background. So I'm going to go to try and find that store employee. I'm going to keep the child with me. They're like, okay, hey, come with us, you know, grab one to my car, you know, say hi to my kids, you know.
Andy Murphy (31:16.863)
Mm-hmm.
Right?
Andy Murphy (31:33.427)
Mm-hmm.
Andy Murphy (31:37.405)
Yeah, yeah.
Jey (31:39.17)
Hey girls, introduce yourself. Like this is our new friend for right now. Like we're going to help her find her parents. Um, and I'm going to be like, Hey, you're staying here. Make sure you keep your hand on the cart. Um, just so that you're safe. Like you're okay. We're not going to hurt you. Do you need anything like you need to go to the bathroom or anything like that? I'm going to make sure her basic needs are taken care of. Well, assuming it's a little girl, I'm going to make sure the kids basic needs are taken care of. Sorry, I'm a girl dad through and through. So that's kind of all I.
Andy Murphy (31:54.269)
Right. Mm-hmm.
Andy Murphy (32:06.325)
Hahaha
Jey (32:08.51)
All I know is little girls and their friends are all girls. But beyond that, I'm going to find a store employee and say, hey, I have this little girl. Can you call a code Adam?
Andy Murphy (32:12.713)
Hmm.
Jey (32:24.394)
you know, and then that door employee is going to have to say yes, regardless. So they're going to get on their little thingies and they're going to call a code at them and they'll at least put people on alert to make sure that, you know, doors aren't blocked with random, that no one's getting out who shouldn't get out, make sure I'm not getting out with a random kid. It protects myself in that instance as a male because like, okay, why do you
Andy Murphy (32:29.853)
Right, yeah, of course they are. Right, right.
Andy Murphy (32:38.661)
Mm-hmm.
Andy Murphy (32:51.825)
Right. Mm-hmm. Oh, for sure. We definitely have to watch that a little bit more.
Jey (32:56.274)
Yeah. And it's like, it just helps me like mend the, mend the bridge or bridge the gap there, I guess, between this little kid and me being male to make sure that they're, they ultimately do get back to their parents and they'll find them, you know, I'm going to go to that employee. I'm going to go probably to the back of the store. I don't know if I really want to go to the front and try to fight through all the traffic and take it. It depends on where I'm in the store. If I'm closer to the front, go to the front.
Andy Murphy (33:03.677)
Mm-hmm. Mm.
Andy Murphy (33:24.059)
Mm-hmm.
Jey (33:25.358)
closer to the back, go to the back. From closer to the deli, go to the deli. Just go to what section you're closest to and just keep the child there and just make sure you keep him calm. Your demeanor and how you react with your kids or someone else that's gonna come up with you is so important. Stay calm. Be like, oh no, you got lost, that's no good. Let's help you. Let's make sure you're safe. Do you need anything? Hi, I'm Mr. J, it's nice to meet you.
Andy Murphy (33:29.895)
Mm-hmm.
Andy Murphy (33:46.527)
Mm-hmm.
Jey (33:53.186)
kind of thing, just be very calm, very polite, very respectful, because then the kids not going to be freaking out. They might already be, they're already going to be anxious or panic like, Oh my God, where's my mom? Where's my dad? I can't find him. Where's my grandma? This is okay. You're okay. Like I got you. You're safe right now. You know, you guys, what kind of hand games do you like or tell me about yourself kind of thing? What's your name? What?
Andy Murphy (34:07.133)
Mm-hmm.
Andy Murphy (34:15.381)
Mm-hmm. Yeah. Like what's your name? What's your mom's name? You know, that sort of thing. Just that basic information. Right.
Jey (34:22.55)
Yeah. Do you know the phone number so I can give her a call like, do you want to use my phone? Do you want to use my phone? Because they're not going to have dog tags like a dog. Some kids might actually, but also look for jewelry. I think looking for jewelry is really important because that's how a lot of these safety devices are being made into now because they're less conspicuous. So ask them, do you have anything to do? Do you have a phone? Do you have a way to signal your mom?
Andy Murphy (34:25.457)
Yeah, that's a good one. Ask for a phone number. Yeah, maybe.
Andy Murphy (34:34.04)
Uh huh.
Andy Murphy (34:41.072)
Mm-hmm.
Right.
Andy Murphy (34:50.591)
Mm-hmm.
Jey (34:50.594)
Do you have a code word? Like ask her these things. So I feel like more and more families do, especially if you have like, maybe they have a watch and they just, they're panicked. They forgot how to use it. Oh, I see your watch. Does that make calls or can that get, can that signal your mom kind of thing or dad or whoever they're with? Like, can that signal for you? Where did you last see them in the store? Kind of thing.
Andy Murphy (34:59.823)
Mm-hmm.
Andy Murphy (35:03.929)
Yeah.
Andy Murphy (35:15.026)
Mm-hmm.
Jey (35:16.69)
What do they look like? What's their name? Ask them these very basic questions. Ask them so calmly. Just so calmly and so like We're gonna figure this out. We got this. You're okay. You're safe. You're good like Let's do this together, but look for those things look for jewelry ask them if they know their name phone number Ask them their name so you're not just calling them. Hey kid So they know you're invested in them so they know you actually care about them
And just reassure them that they're safe in that moment. Like, hey, you're okay, you're safe now. You're not lost. We're gonna help you. So very simple, but let's see here. So I feel like there's been a big mindset shift around safety. Everyone's more conscious. Like, I can't let my kid walk to the bus stop. I gotta go with them. I can't let my kid go outside. I gotta be playing with them. Like even for me, like I have a backyard in my apartment.
and it's gated but even then like my kids want to go play outside I still go outside with them.
Andy Murphy (36:14.089)
Yeah. And that's, that's not a bad thing to go out there because, uh, once in our backyard, uh, we had a snake and the dog alerted us to the snake. And, you know, you never really know like what's going to happen when you're out there. So I don't think it's a bad idea to go out and, you know, to be with them and make sure, even if they're just playing on their own. Cause I think children playing by themselves is very important. They don't always need to be, uh, having the parent play with them because they need to learn that independence and that creativity. Right? Yeah.
Jey (36:34.563)
Mm-hmm.
Jey (36:39.922)
Oh yeah, no, like I'll just sit out there while they play together and they play with the dogs and whatnot. Like I'm just there. I'm not doing anything.
Andy Murphy (36:45.873)
Right. And that, I think that's good. Yeah. And you don't necessarily have to always be watching everything. You can pull your phone out, listen to a podcast, that sort of thing, just while they're doing, just keep an eye on them. Yeah. I think that is, that is a good idea. Cause you never know, you know, kind of what's going to happen, but I think as your children grow up and they make more mature decisions and they have, they demonstrate that ability to be able to do it, you give them more freedom and it's, you know, less and less, uh, that you feel like you have to be, you know, watching them all the time.
Jey (36:59.639)
Yeah.
Jey (37:14.978)
100% so what's for you and what you've done? How's the mindset? mindset shifted Say that three times fast What's been the mindset shift in the favor of safety? I? Mean, and it's really only been in the last 15 20 years, maybe I know 9-eleven was a huge spark for safety
Andy Murphy (37:24.425)
Hahaha!
Andy Murphy (37:39.409)
Sure. Yes. Yeah.
Jey (37:41.386)
If you don't know what 9-11 is, you might be a little bit too young to be listening to this podcast. But... I'm sorry.
Andy Murphy (37:45.681)
Right. Yeah. I think we had, we had Columbine and then we had 9-11 within like 24 months of each other, and that really did change a lot of how, maybe not 24, maybe 36. Um, so yeah, that changed a lot of how America thought about itself and safety. Um, I remember you talk to people who were of a generation that are a little bit older than me and they'll say, Oh,
Jey (37:52.242)
Yep. Mm-hmm. Yeah! Crazy.
Andy Murphy (38:13.281)
I, you know, stayed outside until the street lights came on and all that sort of stuff and I'm like, well, you know, that's, that's nice. And I'm sure that was good for them. And even though it may not have necessarily always been safe for that, but I understand that that's the way things are. I think people now understand that yet you can live, bad things do happen in good places and unfortunately, I think that, um, when people are just kind of naive to what's going on in their community.
that's when bad things can happen. So there's this balance where you don't need to take to heart every bad story that you see on the news and think, oh, that is explicitly gonna happen to me and my family, but you do need to say, oh, well, there's an uptick in this particular type of crime that involves my children's age range or involves my particular location, but don't let that lead to paranoia.
about never letting your kid do anything and never let them grow up. So there's that balance that you just kind of have to have with. You know, your family, with your friends, with your community, and with the media that you consume, like for me, with a secure dad on that particular, you know, my Instagram feed, I get a lot more violent crime related content pushed to me because that's kind of what.
Jey (39:09.399)
Yes.
Andy Murphy (39:37.645)
my show talks about it's you know, what's going on how to protect yourself. So I get all this safety and crime stuff pushed to me, but on my personal one, I get a bunch of just like random stuff and you know, dogs doing silly things. So understand it. This kind of goes back to my Google search thing from the beginning. Understand that what you're being shown online is being shown to you because of an algorithm and it's not necessarily what reality is.
Jey (39:41.262)
Mm-hmm.
Andy Murphy (40:03.933)
So get out, talk to your neighbors, go to community events, go to church, that sort of thing. Have relationships that are outside the digital realm so that you can really understand what's happening in your community, what's going on, and understand that it may not be as bad as the algorithm wants you to think that it is.
Jey (40:24.446)
I think that's a huge point. Like it's not, it's likely not as bad as your Facebook feed, your Instagram feed, your TikTok feeds are really telling you. Like it's very easy for media, just in general, all media, right wing or left wing or independent or whatever to perfect, per- per-situate? That's a big word I can't-
Andy Murphy (40:36.895)
Mm-hmm.
Andy Murphy (40:44.34)
Mm-hmm.
Andy Murphy (40:52.553)
They force your perspective. Yeah.
Jey (40:54.37)
They force your perspective and they really can make a small thing into a very big thing very easily. And anyone can do it. Anyone can do it. If they feel passionate enough about whatever it could be or if they really want to push a narrative for whatever reason. They can make this really small thing into a big thing like... You know it's... and it's kinda odd... it's sad. It's good. It's good and bad.
Andy Murphy (41:04.465)
Yeah.
Jey (41:22.03)
Because it can be used for good and it should be mostly used for good. If you need to blow something really small up that's really good you believe in, that's a totally different story. That's how it should be used. That's how this narrative agenda should be used. In my opinion, I don't like to should people but
If you're trying to push a narrative and it's a good message and it's beneficial to a lot of people, to the majority, and it's not going to cause harm or damage or contention or fighting or anything and you're just trying to help something or someone or a business or a platform that needs it or a message that just a lot of people get behind, then that's different. That's so different. But when you're pushing a negative narrative about an agenda-based item like...
and you're trying to pretty much say, I'm right, you're wrong, you follow this or you're wrong. That's when it becomes a problem. And that's what media does. That's what algorithms do to us because they want us to feed into a certain side of the agenda and the narrative. And people make content for that side of the agenda or narrative. There's troll farms out there. There's people who are paid to troll. There's people who are paid to create this kind of content to feed into it so that there's more out there for you to consume.
Andy Murphy (42:19.145)
Mm-hmm.
Jey (42:37.066)
There's people who live their whole lives to make sure that you believe the narrative that they push because their narrative is right. And if you don't believe them and you're not on their side, then you're wrong and you're awful and you're a terrible person. And we saw that per. We saw that so much in the forefront during COVID. We're probably getting close to seeing it again with new variants and things like that. I don't want to get too far into that, but we're probably getting close to seeing it history repeat itself, probably in the quickest timeframe, it's ever repeated itself. Uh,
Andy Murphy (43:06.153)
Hmm.
Jey (43:07.05)
within three years history is gonna repeat itself. And I think that's absolutely mind blowing that we're there.
Andy Murphy (43:13.813)
Right. Well, here's another perspective for you too. I don't know if you're familiar. I had to read this at some point, either in high school or college, it was Plato's allegory of the cave and it was all about controlling and manipulation. And so in that particular thing, there's this whole big, you know, hypothetical thing that Plato thinks here that he, you take a person who was young and you force them to only see shadows on a cave wall.
Jey (43:24.407)
Mm-hmm.
Andy Murphy (43:42.169)
and you can tell this person that an elephant is actually a tiger, that a tiger is actually a person and you can completely control their world and make them think what they want. So the idea of manipulation through media has been around for a very long time. I think now because we have the internet, we have everybody who has an opinion, me included, who says that, Oh, perspective A I think is good or perspective B is bad.
Jey (43:58.334)
long time. Yeah, it's been around forever.
Jey (44:03.855)
Mm-hmm. See?
Andy Murphy (44:10.585)
And then there's all these other people who have every other perspective for every other letter in the alphabet. And they're all going to say that A and B are bad. And so it just kind of, kind of tumbles out of control. So just understand that this, this sort of thing has been around for a long time and you just have to be discerning.
Jey (44:27.61)
100% and Know what works for you. Like we said at the very beginning know what works for you know how it works for you Know what's beneficial for you in your life in your situation where you live your context take into all the contextual things Your race your gender your culture your identity. What's important to you your values how you raise your family What's important to you in your home your faith all those things take all those things into account? Formulate your own opinion on things
We're just here to give you more information for you to help formulate your own opinion. And we're not telling you, we tell you what works for us, what we like, what we found effective within our homes, within our groups, within our circles. Is that going to be true for you and your circles? Maybe for one or two people. Are you those one or two people? Maybe. Depends on how big your circle is. Kind of thing. But just remember that. Before we get into the YDP-3.
Andy Murphy (45:21.161)
Hmm-hmm.
Jey (45:27.078)
Andy, I wanted to discuss your book on home security a little bit. I think I see that right there in the background. If you're watching us on the YouTube, you can see it.
Andy Murphy (45:32.209)
Yes. Yes, it's right here. Yeah. So I wrote a book called home security, the secure dad's guide, and it walks people through it's for parents. It is for busy parents. Uh, the book I think is like 88 pages long. And I took huge criticism for that when the book came out, I was like, Oh, it's not long enough. And I'm like, it's meant for parents who, who don't have time to sit and read. So I compressed everything you need to know into this one short book. And people are like,
Once I kind of couched it that way, they were like, Oh, I read this book in two settings. I'm like, wonderful. Now go apply what you learned. So, um, it talks about some simple things that you can do right now in your home that will make it safer by tonight. Then there's some suggestions on some things that you could buy and purchase and do over time that will work. But the, the core of it is, um, it's my layered home defense strategy and how you take that strategy.
Jey (46:08.29)
Right?
Andy Murphy (46:29.965)
And you can read the book to find, I'm not going to tell you all of it right now, but if you read it, you'll understand that if you, you really need to start protecting your house, not at your front door, you need to start protecting your house out of the street. You need to push that boundary out as far as you can, because the more hoops a bad person has to jump through to get to your home, the less likely they're going to be successful, or they might just give up in the first place and move on.
So if you want to find that book, it's on Amazon or you can go to the securedad.com, it's there as well. But yeah, I'm proud of the book. It's gotten.
Jey (47:02.046)
of them and it'll be linked in the show notes as well for you guys to go down there into the description and check that out.
Andy Murphy (47:06.485)
Appreciate that.
Andy Murphy (47:11.837)
Very cool. But yeah, it's, uh, it's, it's been something that I've been proud of and I've gotten a lot of good feedback on it. I've got some negative feedback on it and that's fine, uh, because everybody else, I like to hear what people think about the work and so it stood up over the past five years. Um, I actually had somebody, um, copy it. They, they bought the, um, the Kindle version of the book.
and copied and pasted it into, I guess, AI or some program, and changed very few words in the book, and they sold it under some terrible, awful name that didn't make any sort of sense. So it was pretty funny, because I got the book, I bought it, I looked at it, and it was like almost verbatim. There was like one word, every other sentence that was changed, and I was like, oh wow. So I was like, this is kind of a compliment, and also not at the same time. So I just had to laugh about it, and I...
Jey (47:56.565)
Yeah.
Andy Murphy (48:06.685)
told Amazon I think he took the book off the market immediately. So I appreciate that. But yeah, it was funny to have somebody plagiarize your work like that.
Jey (48:14.902)
Yeah, it makes you feel good. It makes you feel good. No, I know that, like, my personally, like, my children's book has somehow, after I published it, it took less than a week for, like, a random digital copy. And I didn't even publish it digitally, so I have no clue how it happened, but someone ended up, I guess, buying it, digitizing it, and putting it out there on the internet. Maybe it was one of the people I said, I don't know. Maybe it was someone I sent it to, to review, ended up doing it. I don't know.
Andy Murphy (48:18.163)
Right.
Andy Murphy (48:28.754)
Mm. Mm-hmm.
Andy Murphy (48:36.08)
Ugh.
Jey (48:45.55)
Um, but I just ended up out there digitally and I was like, whatever, you know, people want to find a digitally. Cool. They're still reading the book. Um, that's whatever, but yeah, it's flattering, flattering. But, uh, just to jump into the YDP three real quick here to end first one here. What, where are you rooted?
Andy Murphy (48:50.835)
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm. Right.
Andy Murphy (49:05.021)
You know, I think I am rooted in the values that I have seen my family embrace for a few generations. I'm very fortunate that I had good parents growing up. Not everybody has good parents. I understand that is a blessing. And so I want to be able, like I know right from wrong. And I do know that sometimes I push that boundary and that there's sometimes a gray area, but I understand what is good for me and my family and for my community.
I understand what is detrimental and I have the ability to be able to decide between the two. And I think that is something that a lot of kids, unfortunately, don't grow up with is understanding that, you know, you have parents or a parent who doesn't value things like society should, that sort of thing. But I'm rooted in the lessons that I have learned from my parents that they learn from their parents.
And so I want to set that up for my child so that he can grow up knowing what is good. So we pass the good generational lessons down onto him. And of course he will continue that on.
Jey (50:13.732)
I love that, I love that. What grounds you when you need to come back, you need to work yourself back to where, to you, what grounds you, what brings you back?
Andy Murphy (50:22.301)
Um, sometimes, um, I think with all guys, we get a little egotistical and I tell you what, man, my kid has a sarcastic wit that drops me right back down on my face. He will, I mean, just absolutely snipe me. And I think it's hilarious. I can laugh about it. And, uh, but yeah, that's one of the things that my, my son has kept me humble, uh, for, for some time, but also I think in, in realizing, um,
Jey (50:34.84)
Ha ha.
Andy Murphy (50:52.209)
What kind of grounds you is that I don't think any of my success has been fully my own. I feel like I have been blessed by God to be able to do the things that I'm doing. And I try to attribute that to Him as often as I can. But knowing that, you know, the success that I've had has been the culmination of listening to God, to my family and having their support. And it's really not about me. It's I'm just a piece of the greater machine here.
Jey (51:20.814)
I love that man. I love that. And then lastly here, what advice do you have for a dad that might be really struggling in a dark place comes to you and says, Andy, bro, I'm struggling. I need some help. Like, help me. I need someone.
Andy Murphy (51:35.401)
Hmm. I, yeah, sure. So I think the biggest thing to tell a man who is struggling as a dad is every dad struggles. You are not different. You are not a bad father because you are struggling with something. We have all struggled with something. And the fact that you can say, I need help speaks volumes about what your motivation is because you're wanting to get better for you and you're wanting to get better for your family.
So embrace that, be proud of the fact that you realize, hey, I'm struggling with something because there's a lot of guys out there who would just rather, you know, fire up the PlayStation or whatever and try to deal with it that way, or they're gonna, you know, consume alcohol to the point that it's gonna be detrimental to them and everybody around them. Embrace what your issue is and say, how am I gonna fix this? And if you don't know how to fix it, you find that confident person who can help you through it.
And I'm a person who thinks that if you need to, you know, speak to a counselor, absolutely do that. Um, so the fact that you know, that there's a problem is huge. That's wonderful. You should be, uh, praised for understanding that there's a problem and then being able to want to work through it instead of just denying it, pushing it off or trying to drink your way out of it. So the, the fact that you realize that there's a struggle is, is a wonderful thing and now that's the first step in fixing it.
Jey (53:04.27)
I love that. And that's such a great perspective to keep too. You know, it's, it's a different one than what I've heard recently recording and whatnot with others. But it's, it's beautiful because you don't think too, we don't think it's meant to like validate each other. So important to validate each other and be like, dude, look, like, I hear you, like you're seeing your herd, you're doing enough. And what you're doing right now is more than other people do. You're doing more than most dads do right now.
Andy Murphy (53:20.638)
Right.
Jey (53:32.054)
Like you hit the nail right on the head there saying, oh, I'm going to go hit the PlayStation, go hit the alcohol. I'm going to go hit the drugs. I'm going to go hit the porn. I'm going to go hit everything. I'm going to go get my quick fix dopamine hits, forget about my problems, move on. Just bury them a foot underground so that they come back up real quick. I walk around a little bit and boom, there they are again. I'll sweep them under the rug. Oh, wait, there's no more room under that rug and I've got another rug sweeping under. Kind of thing. But I think that's so
Andy Murphy (53:39.928)
Mm, yep.
Andy Murphy (53:45.384)
Mm-hmm.
Andy Murphy (53:50.103)
Yeah
Andy Murphy (53:58.241)
Right.
Jey (54:01.394)
perfect to say because you have to make sure that those friends, those people who are coming to you are validated and they know that, you know, them just being able to recognize and then talk about it and know that they need some kind of help that's different, huge. I'm a huge advocate for talk therapy. I mean, obviously I work in mental health, so, but, you know, making sure that all those things are pushed. There's so many other resources out there. Peer counseling is really becoming huge.
Andy Murphy (54:18.778)
Oh yeah. Right.
Jey (54:29.418)
There's organizations like Dads Move, there's the White Flag app, which is anonymous peer counseling. So you can just talk to people. You can raise your flag up if you're really struggling and you need help and lower it when you're feeling better. Just talk to someone just to get it out. You can go to it. If you are in these dad's groups on Facebook, I will say that is the one caveat to some of these. If you post that you're really struggling and need help, someone will talk to you and someone will respond to you that's available in that moment.
You know, we have great national resources, 988, the hotline. And you don't have to, and one thing people misconceive, if there is a crisis line or a line for that for your area, realize you don't have to have a plan or any kind of ideation or any weapon, whether to do anything harm yourself or someone else. Like these resources can just be there if you need support and you're feeling those feelings and you just need support to get out of that.
that moment to get past them and start working through them. You don't have to be actively holding a gun in your mouth. Trigger warning. Wow, that did not go well. Anyways.
Andy Murphy (55:34.133)
Mm-hmm.
Andy Murphy (55:37.645)
I think you're saying you don't have to be desperate if you realize there's a problem before you get to that line that you want to cross, because there's people out there, the people who are sitting there working at those, um, at those services, they get up every day wanting to help people. That's what they do. And so the, to be able to talk to somebody who's not a red line case, man, that's huge, they'd love that. So absolutely, you know, reach out to those people.
Jey (55:40.086)
Yeah, you don't have to be desperate.
Jey (55:52.27)
100%
Jey (55:59.595)
Yep. Yes.
Those resources are there for us to use them. Find what works for you. The White Flag app is linked in the show notes. I've been linking it in all the shows just because I think it's a great resource. It's free, it's anonymous, it's really easy to use. Huge fan of White Flag, not a sponsor, but they are great. Andy, to wrap up here, wrap, wrap it all up. Go ahead and tell the people where they can find more of you.
Andy Murphy (56:26.697)
Sure, you can find me at thesecuredad.com. You can also find me on Twitter, what's now X, and also Instagram with the username thesecuredad. I'm pretty much there. I'm not on TikTok, that's just not my thing. So if you wanna find me on those things, that's good. I've got a book, of course, Home Security, the Securedads.guide. If you also are a checklist person, I have a home security assessment, that is you can download at six bucks.
It's like, gosh, 12 pages that walks you through step by step, which you can do to fortify your home. What works for you? You certainly don't have to do all of it. Um, and so, uh, you can find all of that at the securedad.com.
Jey (57:08.706)
Love it. Well, Andy, thank you so much for your time today. Thank you for your insight on home safety, cyber safety, online safety, and just all your little tidbits of wisdom and knowledge and things you were able to share. Really appreciate it and I appreciate the time.
Andy Murphy (57:21.929)
Thank you, Jay. I appreciate the opportunity to talk to you. This was good.
Jey (57:25.27)
100% of the audience is doing this thing. Thanks, Andy.
DESCRIPTION:
Pull up a chair, grab a juice box, grab a snack, and talk with our guest, Andy Murphy, behind the Secure Dad Podcast. Andy shares tips on home security, situational awareness of online safety, and how to protect your family. Today, we discussed keeping your kids safe online, protecting your family at home, and his book on Home Security. Open that snack, put your straw in your juice box, and enjoy the show. Today, we jump into various topics- protecting your family at home, keeping your kids safe online, how to see trouble in public, the safety mindset shift and we also talked about his book on Home Security. Andy became a dad about 11 years ago; he has lived mainly in the S.E. United States and resides now in South Carolina. He is an author, father, and online safety and security expert. Find more of Andy: Instagram: @thesecuredad YouTube/TikTok:@thesecuredad Business pages-if any: https://www.thesecuredad.com/quickreference Website: https://www.thesecuredad.com/welcome From Your Hosts- Jey and Aaron: Jey is a published Children's book Author! Yes, our very own! Check out his book- A Baseball Game with Dad, LIVE on Amazon right now! https://a.co/d/6ZXYGGr We partnered with Fore Fathers Clothing; click the link, read the story, and you will only leave the website with a new polo for yourself or a dad you love. https://snwbl.io/fore-fathers/Youngdad JOIN US over on the Young Dad Podcast- Facebook Page. We would love it if you followed and supported us as we grow and expand the Podcast. Spotify Listeners: Ask us ANYTHING, and we will answer it on our next show. Also, leave five stars if you would be so kind. YouTube Audience: Hit that subscribe button, like the video, comment, and share. Apple Podcasters: Leave a 5-star rating and a review for us to read on our next show. Other Platform: Rate, review, comment, and share the Podcast with a friend. Follow us @youngdadpod on YouTube, Instagram, Twitter You can find us on our website at ballboymedia.com Remember to hit our linktree for all our deals: https://linktr.ee/BallBoyBlog.